Steamy Times in Bagwine, Ohio

Man, I am getting a late start on this hot, sunny Friday.

We are in a real pickle here at the Bagwine abode.

It’s been hot and will remain hot for the next few days…and the humidity, oh Dear God, the humidity!!

The air is moister and clammier than Rosie O’Donnell’s jock strap.

And guess what, Bagwine heads? Our A/C is not working. And does our apartment pick up any breeze from the outside? Hell, no.

As I type this at 8:04 A.M., the temp is already 77 and the humidity is at 75%. The high today? A balmy 93 degrees with continued sponge-like humidity.

I have sweat dripping from my nose hair as we speak. Something else has happened.

I have developed a heat rash along my ass crack. It is very irritating and painful.

The sensation is akin to the time that I had sex with a Chinese chef and she tried to stuff two heads of bok choy up my ass.

Let me tell you, that was not a dee-ricious experience. It was painful and flightening.

And last night, trying to sleep…ugh. It was like sleeping in a Swedish sauna. Well, okay, I don’t how that would actually feel.

Let’s see…okay it was like sleeping face down in a pile of steamy pig shit, on an August night, in the fields of a Mexican swine farm.

Now that, I do know something about!! Not good.

Sex was put on hold last night as well. Schmoop and I both were all sticky and sweaty.

Sticky and sweaty is good during and after sex, but PRIOR to sex? Um, not so much.

We thought about having shower sex, but the last time we did that we pulled the soap dish from the shower wall and broke the towel rack.

To avoid embarrassing queries from the maintenance man when he arrives today, we passed on the sex.

I have to head out in about an hour and take my little guy home after his B-Ball practice, so I’ll get a brief reprieve thanks to the A/C in the Bagwine Mobile.

Hopefully the A/C will have been fixed by then.

Happy Friday to you all…

Cheers!!

Update 11:33 A.M.: The maintenance guy was just here. We need a new compressor...He can't install it until Monday, so no A/C 'til then. Oh the Humanity!!

We are going to have to have sex in the shower after all, Schmoop!!

Searching For My Prodigal Son

I haven’t seen my sarcastic precious little 13 year old clone since Sunday.

He has ignored me during his Spring Break.

Ignored ME!! Dear Old Dad!!

His life has spun out of control and he has been taken over by a powerful addiction to a Japanese borne drug…

Wii.

Ryno’s Aunt and Uncle, who adore him, and their two kids, who are close in age to Ryno, came to town from Chicagoland last Friday.

They have been staying with Grandma and Grandpa all this week.

They brought with them joy, familial camaraderie, and the evil svenjolly-like sway that is the Wii.

My son is gone…He has not been at home. He doesn’t return my messages. He’s become a stranger.

I hurt. How could he choose to spend his Spring Break with kids his own age playing this Japanese mind control machine?

Maybe, just maybe I’ll see him today or tomorrow. I can only wish. I can only dream.

For other Moms and Dads out there who suffer like I, have hope. I have started PAWAW: Parents Awash Without A Wii.

Let the healing begin.

And now, the Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…

It was an incredibly tough decision this week, but one comment drew me in due to its rich, soy sauce based imagery.

The lovely Deb of Let Me Go On and On commented on my Wednesday post that mentioned teenage sex in the stock room of Hardee’s.

Deb talked about her own first hand witnessing of teen restaurant sex. The picture she painted of Asian lust among the cookery was poetic:

“I worked in a Chinese take out restaurant with another friend who was 14 going on 21. She and another Chinese man used to have stockroom sex -

no words because of the language barrier, but weird grunting sounds being heard as the woks were a'stirrin'.”

Who doesn’t love statutory Chinese porn? A wocka wocka…A wocka wocka. Way to go Deb!!

If you get the chance, please stop by and congratulate Deb on ropin’ this week’s COW by clicking HERE.

Well folks, wish me luck in breaking the dark circle of addiction that has bound my son.

Maybe I can at least talk to him for a few moments today, if he is Wii-Free and lucid. God help me.

Enjoy your Saturday, and Cheers!!

P.S. Good Luck to the Xavier Musketeers!!