Man, last week was a wicked pissah. Holidays…vacations…I hate it when my schedule gets shimmy-shaked.But now, we are back to “normal”.
And to start this week off, just a few random thoughts to get past, and then continue on more focused ruminations the rest of the week.
Former Senator Jesse Helms passed away on July 4th.
How appropriate that he died on Independence Day, because he leaves behind a legacy of kind words for all Americans…
As denoted by the following…
"Your tax dollars are being used to pay for grade-school classes that teach our children that CANNIBALISM, WIFE-SWAPPING and MURDER of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior." -- Fund raising mailer, 1996
"All Latins are volatile people. Hence, I was not surprised at the volatile reaction." -- After Mexicans protested his visit in 1986
"Homosexuals are weak, morally sick wretches." -- 1995 radio broadcast
"She's a damn lesbian. I am not going to put a lesbian in a position like that. If you want to call me a bigot, fine." -- Explaining why he was opposing the appointment of a woman for a cabinet post.
"They should ask their parents if it would be all right for their son or daughter to marry a Negro."--In response to Duke University students holding a vigil after Martin Luther King, Jr. 1968.
Awwwwww. So warm; so human.
I am glad that he died on our nation’s birthday. It puts an exclamation point on proving that, in America, even a bigoted asshole can rise to the top.
Senator Helms, enjoy eternity taking it up the poop shoot from Jerry Falwell as you lick Leona Helmsley’s “sweet spot.”
Yesterday, at work I got the privilege to wait on some 20 something bikini-clad chick. She was HOT.
When she left, I said out loud to myself, “She looked pleasant.” Pleasant, folks!!
Man, I am getting old!! “Pleasant” what a goob, I am.
Okay, now here’s the part where you guys come in…
I want to start selling Matt-Man for President T-Shirts. I want to have an additional Café Press shop up and running by Monday July 14th…
I want you lovely folks to design it. Be gross…Be funny…Use my picture…Capture the essence of my candidacy…Just have at it people.
The creator of the final design will get something special. And I ain’t talking just a shirt. : )~~
So there you have it. My loose ends are now tied up and you are on notice to get those designs to me by Sunday the 13th.
Have a lovely Monday, if that’s possible.
Cheers!!
50 comments:
Jesse Helms was a completely despicable human being. It kind of makes me sick to see some conservatives trying to heap praise on that sorry bigot.
Don't you guys have a security camera getting video of everyone that comes through the drive through. You could post a video of the bikini babe and we could all vote on how "pleasant" she was.
Pleasant?! What the frack is wrong with you?!
Dude, you need a blow job sumpthin' serious. Or a spanking.
Maybe both.
Take 2 viagra and call me if your erection lasts more than 4 hours.. fuck calling a doc... You need help babe!
Oh I am so hoping for some "design" time this week!
You want us to design graphics for the t-shirt? Us? Really?
Hmmmmmm.
Must... think... of.... something....
You do realize I'm the person who photoshopped you with Rachel Ray and Anna Nicole Smith, right? And the person who photoshopped you as Judy Garland?
Jay: Oh c'mon, he was a compassionate conservative. And the video? And using the security video? Yeah, that would go over well with the owner. Cheers!!
Songbird: It was Sunday. I was hungover. I was tired. I feel shame. Cheers!!
Cheesy: My libido has been restored by seeing you pop up in the comments. Design away. Cheers!!
Janna: Yes, I know that. And it concerns me greatly. Cheers Janna!!
Jesse Helms - even the Republicans hated him. Now, if that isn't a an honor I don't know what is!
I'm kind of liking this t-shirt design idea ... hmmmmm ...
I'm volatile. SWEET! I always knew there was something about me!
Dana: Jesse was a real peach. I casn hardly wait to see your shirt. Cheers Dana!!
Lady Jaye: If Jesse says so, it must be true. Stay Volatile, LJ. Cheers!!
Happy Monday Matt!
Peace
Odat: Right back at ya, Odat. Cheers!!
I thought the MF'er had already died - silly me. Well - if anyone deserved to die twice ...
I think "pleasant" makes you sound like a gentleman and that's hot.
I was wondering when ya start making Matt for prez shirts, make sure there in 2000 dpi, cheers!
I don't have Photoshop!!! *end whine* I will just have to enjoy looking at everyone's submissions. You are going to post them right? Do we get to vote?
Dianne: His passing is a crying shame. And thanks. Cheers Di!!
Roger: I didn't want to peak too soon. Cheers Roger!!
Apple: You don't have to have Photoshop. I don't either. And yes, I will be posting them. Cheers Apple!!
First of all, I'm too lazy to design something but this is what I envision. A nice photo of you smoking a cigar ala Billy Clinton style. Up top it reads Matt-Man for Prez. Below is the motto, "Servicing The Country. Servicing You."
Knight: Ha. Now that's what I'm talkin' about. Good One. Have a great day, lovely one. Cheers!!
Secondly, it is my great hope that when people like Jesse Helms die all becomes clear and they realize what a total f#$% they have been. Then they have to come back and make up for the whole experience in a new life. Hopefully next time he is the hermaphrodite orphan with a cleft lip in a third world country where he will be outcast for his deformity. But, how will he know if he is gay? Hmmm.
Or, maybe that was going to far. I never can tell.
Knight: Ha. Yes, if reincarnation exists, Helms coming back as a gay, homeless, black man, with a cleft lip, wandering the streets of Honduras would be infinite justice. Cheers!!
Please don't ever refer to your loose end again!
Jeff: I was a little loose this morning. I had brats last night. Cheers!!
Dude...pleasant? Next you'll be telling us what a "sweet girl" she was.
I can't wait to see the designs! If only I was clever enough to think of something!
RLL: I know. Maybe next time I will utter something such as, "She seemed to be an amiable kinda gal."
And then in my mind I will hear the following response...
"Gee Beav, do ya think so?"
Cheers!!
From what I understand Jesse was met at the Pearly Gates, not by St. Peter, but by Richard Pryor and Eleanor Roosevelt...
Pryor held him down, Eleanor strapped on on, did Jesse for 25 minutes and then they shoved him out of Heaven.
Bond: I'm not feeling any love for Mr. Helms here today. Cool. Cheers!!
Really, cannobilism is now acceptible? That's good for the jerky guy that sells just down the highway...I'll give him the heads up.
Now you know I'm going to come up with SOMETHING for that T-shirt...and it won't be pretty. Mu-ha-ha.
I was once a drive thru register operator. I hated it, but the customers could be very interesting. I often saw exposed breasts and a penis every now and agin. Some even worthy of me giving them free food-the breasts not the penises. I learned long ago never to let guys have things for free. Summertime at the drive thru window was always fun.
VE: Soylent Jerky is PEOPLE!!!! I hope you do VE. Cheers!!
Amber: Ha. Food for Boobies? That could cure world hunger. Cheers Amber!!
Pleasant?????? Wow--are you yelling at the younguns to get off your lawn too!
SMOOCH
PS--Helms is in hell having sex with Tammy Faye Baker while watching movies of Dick Cheney as he rules his earthly domain.
“She looked pleasant.”
lovely Monday
But now, we are back to “normal”.
Oh holyHELL Matt, my grandma heart can't take it - you're cracking me UP. Got an extra cane? How 'bout a walker?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
TB: Ha. I used the "kids get off my grass" analogy the other day. I have to snap out of it. And ewww. Cheers!!
Tug: I know. I know. I'm slippin'. Cheers you hot grandma, you!!
I'm sure they're still having a wake at Faux News over Helm's untimely passing (untimely because TOO BAD it didn't happen THIRTY YEARS AGO!!!)...
Hope there's lots of "pleasant" bikini babes in your future, Mr. President.
I'm glad things are back to "normal" also. Except for the soul sucking dementia land that I work in! Jesse can eat shit and die...oh wait...
Pleasant, I'm sure the thought was a bit stiff. Not too old or your thougth would have been, why doesn't she put on some clothes.
He was a product of his times. I think they modeled the Archie Bunker character after him.
I guess the Jesse Helms of this world balance out the Nancy Pelosi's
Pleasant?? She would have probably thought you were some dirty ole man if you would have whistled and told her she was hot!
Nice self control... at least until you got home.
Mo: Thank you for the kind sentiments. Cheers Mo-Man!!
Schmoop: Are you saying that your place of emplyment SUCKS!!? Cheers!!
Lu: In spite of my words, I did enjoy it so. Cheers Lu!!
Hammer: Pelosi is a GILF!! Cheers Hammer!!
Michelle: The more I thought about it. I thought the same thing, Michelle. Cheers!!
Evil: Ha. Very Good. An don't worry I am still among the horny and erect. Cheers!!
Pleasant?
You, my friend, are in some kind of slump. You need to study your mechanics and get back to the fundamentals. Just try not to press. It only gets worse when you press.
Focus on the basics and you'll ease out of it.
Travis: Maybe I am lunging on my fron foot and bringing my hands around to quickly. I'll go take some extra Batting Practice. Cheers!!
Hi Matt, Jesse Helms absolutely no loss! May he burn in hell! :)
Mentally I always see you riding a great big dildo rocket just like in the end of Dr Strangelove. Only in a bikini. And the rocket has SPAM decals all over it just like a NASCAR racer......
And to think I never did drugs!
well...when the girl is closer to your son's age than yours...pleasant is nice...even if you are a goob
Teach: Not the most virtuous of men. Cheers!!
Starr: Oh yeah, that may be the nicest thing ever said about me. It's goin' on the sidebar. Cheers!!
Kat: Eh, I don't feel so stupid about it now. Cheers!!
Aww shucks, just showin ya the love is all ;)
I actually have a t-shirt from Starship Enterprise, a local porn store in Atlanta, that has three pseudo charlies angels chicks riding a rocket dong. I loves it =)
Oh shit I just read your Soylent Jerky comment. Rock on with yourself Charleton :P
Starr: Ha. I liked that comment. Cheers Starr!!
Love all the insightful, thoughtful comments and all I can think is, "Poop Shoot!" LMAO!!!
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