Which means hordes of old, drunken men chasing big breasted women through the hotels.
Next week, the Republicans hold their convention in St. Paul, Minnesota…
Which means hordes of old, drunken men foot tappin’ the guy in the next stall over in the airport bathroom.
But the big news, believers in the Bagwine, the real political convention starts Sunday night, September 14th, and runs through Wednesday the 17th in Springfield, Ohio.
Bagwine Party members will be gathering to nominate me as their Presidential candidate.
It should be a heart pounding, exciting good time.
The city has already begun to welcome us...
Here’s the schedule for Sunday night/Monday Morning should you want to register and help to change America…
4:00 P.M.-6:00 P.M.: Registration and Check-In. Fairfax Motel and Lounge. Tokens for the Vibrating Beds available in the bar.
6:00 P.M.-8:30 P.M.: “It’s Party Time in America Happy Hour.” Hors D’ourves, cocktails and condoms are complimentary, but the hookers and post-coital penicillin shots are cash only.
8:30 P.M.-9:00 P.M.: The Convention opens in Room 18 with a Keynote Address by Cirrhosis Joe Maxwell, a longtime Bagwine political activist and six time candidate for U.S. Supreme Court Justice. I know, but let it go; in his mind, he has run and won every time.
9:00 P.M.-12:00 A.M: The Hawkeye/Mountaineer War!! All delegates are invited to Room 37 to partake of free drinks courtesy of the Iowa and West Virginia delegations. You must help determine which is a better buzz…Pure Corn Ethanol Whiskey or Moonshine.
12:15 A.M.-1:00 P.M.: The New Jersey delegation will clean up the vomit and urine in Room 37, and post the results of the Hawkeye/Mountaineer War. Remaining delegations will meet in Room 54 and toast to the memory of Errol Flynn.
1:00 A.M.-4:00 A.M.: More drinks…followed by angst, guilt, and remorse.
5:00 A.M.: Bloody Marys and All-You-Can Eat Breakfast Buffet opens.
Note: If you are bringing children, you can drop them off after Check-In, at Room 2. They will have snacks, games, and musical entertainment will be provided by Shaky the Clown and the Gacys.
So there you have it folks. I hope you can attend. Beginning September 14th, I will be posting from the convention and will include some action shots.
Cheers!!
35 comments:
I was going to offer to put a stage and a stripper pole in my room and bring in some dancing girls, but I see you're going high class this year. That's probably a good plan.
Jay: All registered Bagwine Voters have been recycling their beer cans this year, so we made enough money to add a little pizazz to the event. Cheers!!
Excellent!
I hope the breakfast buffet has biscuits and gravy.
Thank goodness I don't live in New Jersey!
Gosh Matt-Man as exciting as that sounds, whoo hoo, I think I'll see if I can't schedule some dental work for that week, uhm, I mean I have a previous engagement. I send along my heartfelt support in spirit. Rock on Matt-man. My candidate for change; boo-rah!
Janna: Of course. As well as every part of a pig known to man. Cheers!!
Dana: Yeah, but it makes sense for them...after all, they clean that kinda stuff up all the time. Cheers!!
Lu: Awww Man. You will be sorely missed. The Pennsylvania delegation was hoping you would cast their votes for the group. Cheers Lu!!
Sounds to good to miss, I'll be bringing my party of eight.
Wait just a minute there fella! I don't see the room or time for the Bagwine orgy?!? Guess I will pass this time.....
Micky: Sweet. Strike up the Mandolins as soon as you get here. Cheers!!
Cheesy: Not on the first night. We don't want to peak too soon, silly. Cheers!!
I agree with Cheesy---you've gotta adjust the schedule!
TB: The convention lasts 3 1/2 days. You vixens and your senses of instant gratification, I swear!! Cheers TB!!
The 14-17?
Darn! I will taking CessPool cleaning classes in anticipation of the new jobs in Washington.
Sorry I'll miss it.
Metalmom: Take them early and you can show up in time to help clean up the puke and piss. Cheers!!
If I get bored can I go hang out with Shaky the clown?
Didn't you promise us a blogfomercial a week ago? You are such a damn blog tease!
Knight: I didn't promise. I said if all went well I'd have one. Things didn't go well.
But yes, I am sure you and Shaky would have a blast juggling and drinking Vodka. Cheers!!
Just a minute! Just a freakin' NY minute!
I do NOT clean vomit and urine! I find that sexist and offensive. I am appalled that after all I have done for the party I am reduced to clean-up.
I shall be rousing my fellow Jersians from their stupor and we will disrupt the convention. The Evangelicals haven't seen nothing - wait until a horde of pissed off Jersians hits town.
We plan on talking about conspiracies and stamping our little feet and making a show of not crying. As their leader I'm practicing being genuine right now.
I suggest you start kissing my white ass and acting like you're sorry you won the popular vote or there will be Trouble with a capital T.
After all I've done for you ...
Dianne: While I think this decision by me to choose the Jersians for this task demonstrates my ability to make hard choices in spite of the flack I may catch...
There is nothing that would either please or arouse me more than to kiss your white ass. In fact, a little salad tossin' sounds good right now. "Run it through the Garden Stater, as it were."
Hey, it could be worse...You could be riding in a car at high speed with Gov. Corzine.
Cheers Di!!
...I was hoping your keynote speaker would be Bronko Nagursky...
Phfrankie: We tried to get him, but his family refused to allow us to dig him up. Cheers!!
I am awaiting my agenda as Executive Chief Muckity-Muck In Charge Of Getting Matt elected.
With all the fun debauchery scheduled I forgot who you plan on having as your running mate. But you provide the booze and I'll provide the vomit! Least I can do...
Bond: Call Chloe at the Front Desk of the Fairfax. She has very specific instructions for you. Cheers!!
VE: I haven't decided on VP yet. On my short list right now (which is subject to change) are Phil Hartman, Jayne Mansfield, and Dick Van Patten.
I guess Dick has a leg up because he is the only one still alive. Cheers!!
Will there be any gambling? Sluts and slots are an unbeatable combo.
I'm coming JUST for the vibrating beds. Gah, I miss the '70s! ;)
I am sore from laughing at the foot tapping remark. Oh, wait. I took a header yesterday. THAT's why I'm sore. Anyway, that was a great dig at the republicans! I should send Motley to the convention with my proxy. She's dressed as a pirate wench today in a red corset and black boots. Argggh!
Evil: Never too late, and I'll stock up on Schnapps immediately. Those Jersey folks are so giving. Cheers EG!!
Leelee: Thanks Leelee, but I hope you come up and make me "work" for your vote. Cheers!!
Starr: Well, we have the Lottery in Ohio, and we can always take bets on who the first to accidentally snuff a hooker is. Cheers!!
Winter: Ha. Should I ask why she is dressed like a pirate or does she do that alot? Cheers!!
Oh hot damn! Pin the tail on the hooker killer!
Starr: Or in my case, Pin my Killer in the Hooker's Tail. Boo Yah. Cheers!!
Wait Chloe told me to go "f-myself"...is that the real message????
I can only imagine who all the sponsors are!!
This is probably the theme song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ys9xn60IBXA
I don't allow clowns near my children. Nor do I allow Gacys.
You, maybe. Them? Never!
Bond: Ha. I'll check with Chloe; she may have been strung out on meth again. Cheers!!
Michelle: Poor Larry. You guys are so lucky to have him as a Senator. Cheers!!
Songbird: Poor Shaky...He will be crushed. Cheers!!
how does one sign up for super delagation?
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