Sunday, August 17, 2008

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Pride and Breastesses

It’s a bee-yoo-tee-ful Sunday here in Bagwine, Ohio.

Okay, I do have to work all day, but still, it’s kinda nice here.

I have a hodgepodigcal (Oh fuck you, it's a word now, bitches!!) blessing for you all today…a veritable Messianic basket full of good will stories and polemics.

First of all, today I am going to start a Seven part Sunday Series on the Seven Deadly Sins. Today’s topic, PRIDE. Or in this case, the word, vanity better applies…

Now, for those of you who know Schmoop, you know that we have lived together in righteous indignation sin for nearly eight years.

Ya, think ya know a person, but the other day she shocked me. She demonstrated an ugly piece of pride that was just…well…blasphemous.

The other day, I commented on some chick’s blog, who was complaining because she is 5’2 140 pounds, and feeling fat.


I mentioned in my comment, that Schmoop is 5’6 130 pounds, and oddly enough, SHE thinks she is fat.

When I told Schmoop of my comment, she quickly and maniacally, I might add, said, “Hey, Mr. Funny Man, I am 5’7 and weigh 127 pounds.”

(I’ll concede 127 pounds for I have seen her naked, but 5’7?..uh-huh.)

Ha. She has never been one to feel the pressure of societal thinking over looks, and stuff like that, but man, she was somewhat ticked at me over this.

I guess, when I think about it, we all have some things that we wish we could change as far as appearance. And, we like those things about ourselves that we think our pretty hot, and we cling to those traits like grim death.

So be it…I dunno. I was just taken aback by her reaction. I guess it just (in my Ohio vernacular) “learnt” me that no matter how well you know a person, you can always learn more.

It also taught me that, no matter how strong you may think a person is, they still have feelings. Feelings which can obviously, be hurt.

Don’t get me wrong, Schmoop wasn’t hurt by this, but I for one, will more closely think about what I say around those whom I think that I know implicitly.

Amen, and Amen...

I was going to continue on by speaking of evangelic crazy man Kenneth Copeland on behalf of Starr, who would enjoy having sex with him…

However, I want to offer the following on friendship…

I was going to write a flowery poem, but alas, time and my alcohol content got the best of me. I have recently “re-discovered” a friend of mine. We have been friends, off and on for some 28 years now.

Her Birthday is Tuesday, and I just want to say Happy Birthday to Sherri.

Happy Birthday, girl, and where the fuck is my coffee?

Seriously, you for whatever reason (maybe it was the hot, awkward teenage sex)have been, and will always be my buddy.

In honor of Sherri’s Birthday I offer the following Van Morrison song (the video is not mine) for our Sunday Serenade. Enjoy.




Cheers!!



32 comments:

none said...

Damn! You really stepped on it this time ;D

Yeah girls are funny that way.

katherine. said...

not five foot two...
five foot two and a HALF!

and there is no way in hell anyone is posting my weight

vain bitch that I am...

nice tribute to the birthday girl!
(who is that at the end?)

Jay said...

I was guessing that Schmoop was more like 5'8" and about 118 lbs. ;-)

Cheesy said...

5' 7" and 127? Dammit girl I have a thigh that big! Oh wait I'm only 5' 3"~~~~~~



And a 1/4

Schmoop said...

Hammer: It struck me quite odd coming from Schmoop. The things one learns. Cheers Hammer!!

Kat: I have no idea. The video wasn't done by me I just found it on You Tube.

I hope that all 5'2 AND A HALF of you have a lovely Sunday, pal. Cheers!!

Lu' said...

Sunday morning coffee and Van. Right on; thanks Matt-man.

Schmoop said...

Jay: She's purrrrrfect as she is. And the best thing is, about and four foot of her height is all legggz. Cheers Jay!!

Cheesy: Prove it. Let me see that thigh.....please? Cheers Cheesy!!

Schmoop said...

Lu: Damn Straight, Lu. Van is tha Man. Cheers, buddy!!

Jeff B said...

So she's looking for an extra inch eh?

For your sake, I hope her height is the only department where this is a concern.

Schmoop said...

Jeff: I am blessed by the fact that I have found a woman who is satisfied having a six inch tongue and 3 inch dick in the house, and not the other way around. Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

I'd kill to be 5'2 and 140. Or 5'7 127. Geez. I'm 5'3 and weigh a whole lot more than that. Of course on me it's mostly tits. Oh well!

Dianne said...

I love the observation that there is always more to learn about anyone/everyone - makes life interesting doesn't it?

I'm getting out all my Van CDs - thanks Matt-Man!

oh and Schmoop - have a cookie! you're too fucking thin ;)

Beth said...

I am 5'7" dammit!! Well that's what my driver's license says, and that is effin legal!! MMMM cookies!!

boo said...

Schmoop, I love the way you think. But what's it say about me that my drivers license states that I am an inch shorter and 30 pounds heavier than I really am? Probably means that I'm a compliment whore. I mean, nothing fills me with quite as much pleasure as explaining that yes, that really is me in my drivers license pic. Yes, I have lost weight. How? Oh, I had another baby. Yes, another one. Five. Yes. Five. Yes, I have custody of all of them. No, they only have two different fathers. Yes, we're all still friends. No, I don't have Jerry Springer's number on speed-dial. Yes, I'm really 29. Yes, I am too old enough to have that many kids. Yes, they keep me busy. Yes, I am certifiably crazy, why do you ask?

Karen said...

We women are f-ed up about our bodies. I think it is probably hormonal.

Anonymous said...

Dude, I've found out quickly that I don't talk with my wife about anything I comment on concerning other blogs. Hell, if I could I would keep her off of mine... No luck so far.

desert rat said...

Big Hair, Baby! That's the way to add some height. Me and Marge Simpson have got it all figured out.

Lex Valentine said...

Yeah. I'd agree that you stepped in it a little there. Gotta watch it with the Pride thing. If you stomp it too much, they come back atcha with the Wrath thing. I've seen that one in action. Not a pretty thing at all. Be safe, Matt!

Schmoop said...

Lady Jaye: I saw a picture of yours that highlighted just those things. Purrrrrrrrrr. Cheers, LJ!!

Dianne: It does indeed make life far more interesting. I hope you enjoyed VM. Cheers Di!!

Schmoop: Maybe you used to be 5'7"...Even women are not immune to "shrinkage". Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Boo: I may go back and read your lively narrative several times before nights end. Cheers Boo!!

Karen: I agree. Well, not about the hormonal thing, other than that can be deadly. Cheers!!

Mike: Eh, Schmoop is pretty easy to get along with...unless she gets less than 12 hours sleep a day. Cheers Mike!!

Schmoop said...

Desert Rat: You should audition for the B-52's. Cheers Rat!!

Evil: Schmoop was irked for all of 3.5 seconds, but I was still surprised. As for me, much like every other man when talking across the internets, my dick is 14.5 inches long. Cheers!!

Winter: Al is well Winter. I hope you are enjoying your Sunday. Cheers to ya!!

boo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
boo said...

Matty, believe it or not it gets better. I left out my favorite bit about my religion of choice. "So, are you Catholic or Mormon?"

"We're Bacchanalian."

CreativeMish said...

I'm a 5'3" and would love to weigh 120!! Maybe someday if I keep going to the gym!!!

Schmoop said...

Boo: Bacchanalian!!? You are my new hero. Cheers to you and the Gods and Godesses of the Grape!!

Michelle: Well, whatever you think you need to do good luck; you're darn cute already. Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

Well, since you meant it as a compliment, you should get some points. But, in the future, don't mention your woman's weight no matter how skinny you think she is! lol!
Tess from
http://www.sixfeetunderblog.com

Desert Songbird said...

I'm 5'4", and that's all you need to know, funny man. That's all you need to know.

Schmoop said...

Tess: Thanks fo rthe tip, but she never seemed to car ebefore. Thanks for stopping by, and I'll be sure to swing by your digs soon. Cheers Tess!!

Songbird: But my mind thirsts for all the facts, dammit. Cheers!!

Knight said...

What, are you measuring her in her sleep or something?

I consider myself thin and I weigh the same as Schmoop. What does that say about me? Narcissist?

Schmoop said...

Knight: Ha. No, I would never do that. No, seriously, I would never do that. Was that convincing enough? Cheers Knight!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

The only way I'd do him is if it could be snuff film :P

And Matt whatever were you thinking?! Giving out our vital stats is never a good plan :P

Schmoop said...

Starr: Ha. But you don't find him holy and hot? Eh, it just had never seemed a big deal to her. Cheers!!