Thursday, September 18, 2008

Crockpots and Cable Boxes

This is it…That’s all there is…There isn’t anymore.

Today is my only day off between this past Sunday and NEXT Thursday.

“Big” doings going on ‘round here today.

Schmoop took the day off and...


Sometime between 8 A.M. and 11 A.M. the cable guy is coming over to fix our digital channel box, which bustimacated during Ike’s visit.

Doesn’t that sound exciting!?

After the cable guy fixes the channel box and leaves, I am going to throw Schmoop on the floor in front of the TV with pay-per-view porn on the screen and fix her box.

Okay, in all likelihood, we will drink beer and listen to the radio once the guy leaves…but man, that’s pretty edgy in itself.

After that, noon time wackiness will ensue when I begin to cook. Ahhhhhh, my only chance until next Thursday. How I love to cook.

What’s on the menu, you ask? And why cooking so early?

Well, with fall quickly approaching, I have been demanded requested by Schmoop to make some crockpot chili. She loves it.

Here’s what Crockpot Chili ala Matt-Man entails…

Tomatoes, Tomato Paste, Kidney, Northern, and Black Beans...I may add another can of Black Beans as well, since SOMEBODY won't let me use Limas. Dirty Lima Bean Hater!!




Not too many spices...Chili Powder, Paprika, Oregano, Garlic, and a secret one which is not shown, that replaces Cumin...




These are da bomb!! Frozen, already diced onions and bell peppers. Fresh may be best, but too often we end up wasting them . So this, for the Bagwine kitchen, is the way to go.




The MEAT!! Two pounds of ground beef, and one pound of sausage which I will slightly brown off with What's-This-Here Sauce prior to crocking it. I also add real bacon pieces.

I cannot bring myself to use sliced bacon for this. Sliced bacon stands on its own and should be consumed that way!!




The cookery...or, is that, crockery? Anyhoo. This is my newest crockpot. Isn't she sexy and voluptuous?

I call her, Samantha. Samantha came with a 2, 4, and 6 quart bowl. I'm am going to use the 4 quart today.

The 2 is too small, and the 6 quart bowl I only use when cooking up meth, so it may have toxic residue in it.



There you have it. After eight hours of simmering, Samantha will be ready to yield her juicy, meaty, and delicious wares.

Yum-Oh!!

And maybe, just maybe, after Schmoop eats it, and provided she doesn't lose too much of her buzz, ol' Matt-Man will be sampling some of Schmoop's wares.

Have a great day all. I may videotape the highlights of this incredibly over-the-top and living on the edge kinda day and post it tomorrow.

Cheers!!

40 comments:

Jay said...

Thank God you put beans in your Chili.

I really don't think those people who eat beanless chili are normal.

Schmoop said...

Jay: I whole-heartedly agree, Jay. There must be beans. Beans be good. Cheers!!

Desert Songbird said...

Henceforth referred to as the "crackpot used by the cracked pot."

boo said...

There's a lima bean hater in my house, too. Poor lima beans. So tasty, so misunderstood.

katherine. said...

git 'er done

RW said...

Lima beans are the sheznic!

- said...

And none of us got invited over for this infamous chili of yours?? Hmmm.....

*pout & sad faces included*

But Happy Schmoop sampling to you!! ; )

*sweet smiles*

You always make me laugh n' smile so! : )

Liz Hill said...

I LOVE Lima beans but agree that they have no place in chili. However I can't fathom chili without cumin so what do I know;-)

It sounds delicious and I hope you make the video cause I want more buttercream!

Lu' said...

I have two crockpots and rarely are they used. I like crocpot food. The thought of leaving them on all day while we are at work makes me nervous. On the weekends we usually are dining out. Hmm, I've not seen the sliced onion and green peppers in a bag, good idea. I don't usually use all the onion I purchase but if the green pepper doesn't all go into the recipe, I just slice and eat the remainder, yummo. Sounds like your evening should be a gas.

Unknown said...

Sounds good, Matt-Man. I really do need to get a crock pot!

Schmoop said...

Songbird: That would be true only if Schmoop was using it. Cheers!!

Boo: They are misunderstood, aren't they. Poor little, lonely Lima Beans. Cheers Boo!!

Kat: I will give it a yeoman's effort. Cheers Kat!!

Schmoop said...

Roger: Is that good or bad? Cheers Roger!!

Smile: The door is always open for all...Well for most of you guys. Cheers!!

TB: Lima Beans Rock. Cumin is so passe. My secret spice has made it obsolete. Cheers TB!!

Schmoop said...

Lu: A gas...aren't you the clever one. Yeah, I love these frozen bags of onions and peppers. They work well as a compress too, should I get kicked in the nuts. Cheers!!

Nick: You should have one. So easy, so good. Cheers Nick!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...let's be honest: lima beans have no business being in a pot o' chili...it would be like making frijoles out of fava beans...mmmmmmmmmm...bacon...

Schmoop said...

Phfrankie: Limas take on an entirely different existence when in chili. No, seriously. Yay to the Bacon. Cheers!!

Dianne said...

The cable guy is coming all the way from Manhattan to fix your box!?

Cheesy said...

Beans, beans, the musical fruit.
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel...
Lets have beans for every meal!
Beans, beans, the fruitful tart.
The more you eat, the more you fart.
The more you fart, the better you feel.
So lift your leg, and let them squeal!

Lets see if I got this... you have a secret ingredient for cumin,,, AND is it also used when you service schmoopie's box??
**evil thoughts**

Schmoop said...

Dianne: Ha. It's the only pic I could find. And get this...They said he'd be here between 8 and 11..

The guy has already been here, fixed it, and left. Now, that's service. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Yes, I have a secret replacement, but no, it has nothing to do with her box. But I like the thought. Cheers!!

Marilyn said...

I'm with Turnbaby on this one... Lima beans are yummy but not for chili and cumin is always yummy.

Dana said...

I'm looking forward to the day you concoct lima bean chili, with none of those other evil beans!!

Don't you wish you could tell the cable company that, in honor of their appointment times, you'll be paying your bill somewhere between December and February?

Schmoop said...

Marilyn: Lima Beans would be good mixed with dirt. And I have discovered something farrrrr better than Cumin. Cheers!!

Dana: If you ever come down here, there will be Lima Bean Chili waitin' on ya.

And as for the Cable Company...We have never had an isssue and they have always been on time or early. Must be my good living. Cheers Dana!!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Isn't Schmoop gonna be upset that you want to put your meat in her AFTER you put your meat in Samantha?

See, I'd be jealous like that.

Schmoop said...

RLL: No she likes that. It gives my meat a little extra spiciness. She likes spicy meat. Cheers!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Consider me not normal...I do not use beans in my chili...Nope I do not

There, now you can make a wise crack at my expense

Schmoop said...

Bond: Pffffft. Vinny, even if you did put beans in your chili, I would never consider you normal. Cheers!!

You can Call me AL said...

Okay Matt-man, what is the secret ingredient that can replace cumin?

Don't tell me you use turmeric.

Schmoop said...

Al: Nice try, Mr. Chef, but no...It's a concoction that I put together myself. Hope everything is well with ya. Cheers Al!!

Schmoop said...

Evil: Every Lent, even though I am no longer Catholic I give up meat for the entire 46 days.

If you are ever down this way, stop by, and I will make you the best Black Bean Burger that you have ever had. Cheers!!

You can Call me AL said...

Going Well, Matt-Man.

We are 1-0 and getting ready for Fridays game, I'm worried. We have a very good team but we're so young.
This year is going to be a good year but a very hard working year to cover all the basics.

Enjoy your day off and give Schoomp a big wet kiss from me.

Schmoop said...

Al: I'll give her several, but only one is on your behalf. Continued good luck to the team. Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

God I miss my crock pot! I used to make a killer black bean chili in mine. Sigh.

Not cumin eh...mace?

Deb said...

OMG I should have NOT have read this while being so damn hungry!

I fixed up that recipe you gave me- the meatloaf w/french onion soup. OMG it was sooooooooooooooo good! Thank you!

Now I'm craving chili and porn.

I wonder why.

You're the devil.

(ha)

Schmoop said...

Deb: What goes better together than chili and porn? Cheers Sexy One!

Schmoop said...

Starr:: Cumin is so passe. I have created something so much better. CHeers!!

CreativeMish said...

I love fall cooking season. Lots of soups, stews and chilies. Homemade breads, etc.. We're still having high 80 degree weather so I haven't even craved these yummy concoctions yet. Hopefully we'll have normal weather soon! I love fall!!

Vodka Mom said...

I can ALWAYS tell who has had either chili or Mexican food for dinner. yeah. thanks.

HEre's a KICK ASS recipe i tasted last weekend at a field hockey game. it is to DIE for..
http://www.johnsonville.com/home/recipes/italian/mild-italian-links.html?showRecipe=20

check it out!!!

Lex Valentine said...

I love lima beans. With ham hocks...oh yum. Gah. I'm hungry now. You and your meat... always gotta be making me drool...

Travis Cody said...

Lima beans are only slightly less gacky than peas.

Marilyn said...

If you don't tell us the secret ingredient, we can't possibly believe it really is better than cumin.