A Partly Cloudy and warmish Sunday here in Bagwine, Ohio…First some sad news…At the age of 83, race car driver, and salad dressing magnate, Paul Newman, has passed away.
I just found out that he was an actor of some note as well. Who knew? Rest in Peace, my good man, rest in peace.
I will once again be spending the Sabbath doling our beer, Barq’s, and Grippos to rabid football fans as they make their way home from church in time to watch the games.
I feel as though I am a tailor who is helping to weave the fabric of our society into one, big, nicely cut suit…or at least a tacky, yet comfortable smoking jacket.
I attended the funeral of a brother-in-law yesterday. I wasn’t moved. I was annoyed.
The evangelical pastor that conducted the service was long-winded, repetitive, and tossed out only a morsel or two in reference to my BIL’s life.
He spent much of his clock stopping time talking about GAWD’s love for all of us.
He ended (Thank God!!) by asking that we all pray together and accept Jeebus as our personal savior. I was privately thinking:
If I want to be saved, I’ll have Schmoop dress in nothing but thigh high boots, cover my butt cheeks with cooking spray, and smack me on the ass with a hot spatula. Praise da Baby Jeebus!!
As much of the congregation was Catholic, practicing or otherwise, the room was filled with an uncomfortable cacophony of mutterances.
I still wonder what my 80 year old aunt who happens to be a nun was thinking…eh, probably nothing, she’s always been nice.
Anyhoo, this service made me realize yet again, how wise people with the name Matthew are. In Matthew 6:5-6, the Bible gives us one helluva good piece of advice:
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.
But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
Amen, and Amen…
A couple of good things did happen as a result of the funeral. First of all, my son and I had a great time together during the trip over and back. And…
I wore a suit coat to the funeral that I hadn’t worn since I went to D.C. in March of 2007. When I went to put a funeral announcement card into my inside pocket, look what I found…
Ha!! Praise da Baby Jeebus indeed.
Ryno and I had lunch on the way home and Schmoop and I ordered pizza last night. It was all good; and it was all “free”.
Maybe that droning, verbose pastor was right after all, GAWD does love me.
Enjoy your Sunday.
Cheers!!
23 comments:
Of course he loves you. He slipped you a fifty didn't he. Doesn't money always mean love? Lets ask a hooker.
Lu: Ha, you make quite a good point. I tried half a dozen times to embed Phfrankie's Tom Lehrer video but it wouldn't let me do it. Cheers Lu!!
Manna from heaven in your jacket pocket?! Praise be to God and All the Saints!
You said it, didn't you? You couldn't resist. You used THAT word, that word that always brings a smile to your face.
cacophony
Songbird: The Lord works in monetary ways. Just ask Benny Hinn. And yep, I do so love that C-Word. Cheers!!
Oooo. I'm checking all of Andy's Jacket pockets as soon as I comment. Just in case He loves me too.
seems God loves you more than me....I only ever find a single...sometimes two.
sigh.
Save you? Well,that would give me an excuse to buy those boots!!
Don't you just love it when da baby Jeebus pays off immediately. You went all the way through what I assume was moderate torture to be good to the BIL's family and got your just reward.
Nice of you to stop by my long-winded service,
now beat it kid here's a fifty for your troubles.
Good one! I was expecting to see the Vatican Rag here today.
HA! 50 bucks? That shit never happens to me.
(Pssst., I have a little somethin' for you at my place. Come on over...)
Just think what you might find in that French Maid outfit you wore last year for Halloween!
My ex always used to call my suit jacket pockets 'the bank of Turn (of course he use my actual name ;-))
Someday I'll be able to post about my anger at what the priest said at my sister's funeral without having my head burst from anger. Maybe.
I find most eulogies offensive when they are delivered by someone who didn't know the deceased. Unless of course they are prefaced by "I didn't know __, but I did hear____ about them."
LOL @ Schmoop
Marilyn: Here's to you getting lucky. Cheers Marilyn!!
Kat: That's what I usually find as well. This was a first. Cheers!!
Schmoop: Well, there ya go. It's a win-win situation. Cheers!!
Evil: Ha. In that respect, Newman was merely an Orville Redenbacher wanna-be. Cheers EG!!
Jamie: At least for one moment in time, he was lookin' out for me. Cheers Jamie!!
Micky: I was too dammit, but every time I tried to embed it, I got nothing but a dark screen and no video. Cheers Mick!!
Vodka: It usually never happens to me either. I'll be 'round tonight. Thanks and Cheers!!
Dianne: Holy Crying Game, Seren!!
I would love to have you go through my pants pockets...while I was wearing them of course. Cheers Di!!
Dana: Sorrow and an STD is all that can be found in that outfit. Cheers!!
TB: I'd love to hear it. I've sat through many a horrendous eulogy. Cheers Money Pockets!!
Metal: That was a good one by Schmoop. And I couldn't agree with you more. Cheers!!
Finding money is the best. Maybe you should have prayed a little harder in church though. Then maybe I wouldn't have kicked your booty in Fantasy Football this week. (Um, so far at least) ;)
Karen: Phillip Rivers picked today of all days to have his worst game of the year. And Michael "Burner" Turner wasn't exactly on fire either. I am soooo dissed. Cheers!!
So what you are saying is that God rewarded you with $50 because of what he saw you doing in the bedroom? Maybe that $50 really was intended for the boots.
Knight: Holy Crap...NOW you tell me. Why didn't I think of that? Cheers Knight!!
Catholics and Evangelicals go together about as well as Sarah Palin and foreign policy ;)
Starr: Ha. I may use that as some point. Cheers Starr!!
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