Monday, January 12, 2009

Somebody Uncork Me, Dammit!!

Folks, I am starting to get worried.

I have been in a funk for nearly two weeks.

Not an emotional funk…


In fact, in spite of Ryno’s recent academic problems, I have been in a pretty good mood for a few days.

I am talking a creative funk. I gots nuffin’.

My mind is blank. We’re talking a tabula rasa with no frickin’ cranial chalk anywhere near.

I think I have avoided traipsing ’round the blogosphere or sitting down to write, because I don’t want to be once again frustrated.

I’ve had many ideas of late but they seem to go nowhere. I know I talked about burn out around prior to New Year’s Eve, but it’s hanging on.

My in ability to write is like a yeast infection inside of Jessica Alba’s hoo-ha. It just doesn’t want to leave.

See? That was a contrived joke that I forced myself to write. Things just aren’t spontaneously poppin’ into my head like they normally have.

I thought today, maybe I would once again talk about my prowess in the sack. But seriously…

How many times can I discuss my mad bedroom skillz? After all, my M.O. with the ladies is the ability to produce MO’s.

Schmoop had an idea yesterday. She suggested that I write something about how much I love her.

But of course, I do like to be able to squeeze more than 100 words out of a post. Kidding…no, really.

Maybe I am out of sorts because we only have George Dubya around for 8 more days. I’m going to miss him.


He’s been like a big bucket of chum for a satirical shark such as myself.

There are a couple of videos I’d like to shoot.

One involves Schmoop taping me as I order at the McDonald’s down the street, and as I am placing my order I start peeing down my pants.

I’d just like to get the counter chick’s reaction, and to see what she says upon me asking for extra napkins.

Sigh…No? I bet Jay would like to see that video. Thank you in advance Jay.

Well folks, that’s where my mind is right now. If you have any ideas for me pass them along…

Pleeeeeeease!!!

Cheers!!

35 comments:

Desert Songbird said...

Sorry, dude, I ain't got nuffin' either. My brain is a dried up prune right now.

Schmoop said...

Songbird: It sucks, no? I think yours is dried up 'cause you live in a "dry heat". Cheers Dear!!

Desert Songbird said...

Not a dry heat going now, buddy. The humidity is around 40%, and the current temp is 50 degrees. My brain is dried up 'cuz I'm old and feel like shit.

Schmoop said...

Songbird: Well I am sorry to hear you feel badly but 40% is hardly wet. When I am around, the humidity in a woman always zooms to 100%. No, seriously. Cheers!!

Desert Songbird said...

I meant the humidity relative to the summer, dork. In the summer it's around 5%, so double digit humidity is high for us. I didn't say it was wet, just high for us.

Get it?

Never mind. My brain isn't working, and yours? Well....*grin*

Schmoop said...

Songbird: My brain is ALWAYS working. Tha doesn't mean that it is producing anything worthwhile. I mean, unless you like new ideas in the area of farm animal porn. Cheers!!

Jay said...

Believe it or not, I'm not really into pissing videos. I know that will surprise some people.

I would love to give you some ideas of what to blog about, but I need ideas myself!

And I'm going to miss Dubya too. But, the failed Obama presidency begins in 9 days. So there will be material for ya then. ;-)

katherine. said...

I am on a different path...but the same destination...

my brain is like the old pinball games....I can't focus...too much going on.


(jay is damn funny)

Unknown said...

Try a hit of LSD.

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...LSD would be alright (seriously), but I suggest another Blog-Fo-Mercial....I dare ya!!!!!....

Schmoop said...

Jay: Not into pee videos? But you're from Arkansas? Huh. Yeah, I know you're in lull yourself. Happy 3rd Bloggiversary though. Cheers Jay!!

Kat: Jay is a hoot. And I know you have alot on your plate. This may have been more of an open letter to myself. Cheers Kat!!

Carlos: Thanks. I'll check it out. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Nick: Ha. I was going to mention just that. Thanks for the tip. Cheers!!

Phfrankie: I could give another Blog-Fo-Mercial a whirl when I'm off later this week. Not a bad idea. Cheers P-Man!!

Dana said...

You know, you could have had Sarah Palin and John McCain as inspiration for the next four years, but Noooooooo! You decide to support that is-it-January-21st yet president elect and have NOTHING to write about. Serves you right you communist *wink*

Ken said...

big bucket of chum

Thank you....you did fine this morning!

Meg said...

I could introduce you to my Card-Carrying Gay Buddhist Buddy. He's good for lots of material.

Schmoop said...

Dana: I know...And sometimes I regret my choice. But then, I think about Sarah Palin being a heartbeat away from the Oval Office and my regret quickly dissipates. Cheers Dana!!

Micky: Thanks. I just wrote my post for tomorrow. Ha. It's not bad. I may be coming out of it. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Fantasy: I gathered just that from your last post. Ha. Good post, Meg. Cheers!!

Ken said...

Don't you fret, Sarah has jumped on the bull, tightened her grip and opened the gate.
Her latest interview with Zeigler, bashing everybody and claiming MSM malpractice will have her back in the spotlight.
Coming soon!

Schmoop said...

Micky: Yeah, I saw clips from the "documentary". For such a "tough" woman, she's a an incredibly fervent whiner. Cheers Mick!!

Anndi said...

I want to comment... but I got nuffin'

Pee?

Jeff B said...

Today you're the bug. Tomorrow you'll be the windshield again.

Be a maxi-pad and go with the flow.

Schmoop said...

Anndi: I hear ya. Cheers Anndi!!

Jeff: Ha. I am that pad. And I have wings. Cheers!!

Cheesy said...

Take your camera EVERYWHERE.. Helps me when in a slump.. You never know what you may see... I will forward the email my son sent me the other day... A McDonalds HOOT!

Anonymous said...

Ha! If you've stopped by my place lately you've seen that I'm also in a slump. Working hard at coming out of it now, but sheez, my blog's a freaking wasteland!

Hmmmm...how about a video of you ordering at McDonalds drive-thru...ALL IN SONG! Okay, I know it's been done, but not in true Matt-Man style!! :-)

Schmoop said...

Cheesy: I have been doing just that. So far, nothing has materialized. I have one for tomorrow though. Cheers!!

Giggle: You and the word "wasteland" just don't go hand in hand. Purr....Cheers!!

Knight said...

In times of creative dysfunction I find it helps to force the readers to assist you. Find a way to molest their minds for your personal gain.

Cinnamon Girl said...

I was feeling high and dry (most uncomfortable) until a Facebook convo got me started on my Starr's Euro Trash Tour look back saga. Talk about biting off more than you can chew.

How about fiction, me foine Irish friend? Your people can tell tales. Try one out on us!

Anonymous said...

You could write post after post extolling my many virtues!

Okay, virtue...singular.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

I have ideas, but I so prefer to read you floundering around like the proverbial fish out of WIR

Cinnamon Girl said...

Cold, Vinny. Just cold. There are well diggers with warmer asses.

Schmoop said...

Knight: May I begin my molestation with you? Cheers Knight!!

Starr: My entire life is a big piece of fiction. Maybe I should write about reality. Cheers!!

Metal: Email me and let me know what your virtue is. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Bond: Ha. That was pretty good. Cheers Vin!!

Starr: Ha. Yeah, well what can one expect from an Eye-Talian? Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Deportation!

Schmoop said...

Starr: No Way. I'd miss chastising him. Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

True. I will losing my travelling drag act if we give Vinny the boot. Get it? The Boot? Italy reference. I crack myself up.