Don’t get me wrong, I have a home, a cat (that hates me), and a great guy (that I think likes me), but…
Something is off. Could it be that new Luuuuvvvv bullshit Matt-Man’s preaching!! No? Ok then.Something's off like the time I went through Lent with no fucking ice cream!! Whoa, never doing that dumbass thing again.
Preventing withdraws from that creamy, lovely concoction should be the Eleventh Commandment.
“Thou shalt not go without the ice cream, dumbass.” Or something…
I know what it is, but doing something about it is hard. It’s…………Wait for it…………..The JOB! Or maybe, it is cookies. No, no, it is the job.
Although, I did have a dream the other night about making home made cookies. Hmmm, maybe it is the cookies!
Hey Ma! Could you let loose of your walker long enough to make me some of those oatmeal cookies you used to make? No? Hmmmph.
I’m looking for a job, I really am. And what do I get for my "search and send my resume", quest? Silence. Crickets Chirping. No responses.
Maybe, it’s because I send resumes from my current “job”. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a college degree, or I’m too fucking old.
Maybe, it’s because those fuckers never take the time to interview me, and know that I would be one bitchin’ addition to their company.
Hell, I don’t know, but I’m still trying, and something good will come out of this. Right? RIGHT?
It’s not about the money. It’s about getting out of the hell hole I work in, and doing something I enjoy.
Have I mentioned previously that the hell hole that I work in, SMELLS!!?
Oh Jesus, Mary, and Joseph...
It smells like an overripe, overfull, colostomy bag that was used by an octogenarian Hungarian dude, and has been lying in an Ohio pig farm for an entire week during the hot, humid, butt ass crack of August.
Oh, I have told you that it smells? Sorry.
Or maybe…what I am missing is all about the cookies…
It smells like an overripe, overfull, colostomy bag that was used by an octogenarian Hungarian dude, and has been lying in an Ohio pig farm for an entire week during the hot, humid, butt ass crack of August.Oh, I have told you that it smells? Sorry.
Or maybe…what I am missing is all about the cookies…
Mommy!? I know you’re 85, but c’mon, can’t a girl get a cookie!?
Zoves,
Schmoop
Zoves,
Schmoop
28 comments:
I like ya...alot. Cheers and Zoves!!
It smells like an overripe, overfull, colostomy bag that was used by an octogenarian Hungarian dude, and has been lying in an Ohio pig farm for an entire week during the hot, humid, butt ass crack of August.You know, coming from Indiana, I totally get this.
And I don't miss it.
You should visit me. I've got a good bitch session going on, and I need some company. Matty's new found "love fest" is making me physically ill.
I make a really mean peanut butter cookie - crisp around the edge - soft in the middle!
Would that help??
Matt: Thanks baby, I dig you toos!!
Desert: Indiana could NOT smell as bad as this does! People won't even come in my office! If you think he's making you ill, come to Bagwine!
Dana: Yes, yes that would help a lot! Peanut butter cures all ills!
Sorry I don't bake...and after reading that description of your workplace, I am not sure I can eat for the next 24 hours.
I didn't say that I DIG you. I just said, I LIKE you. Cheers!!
Bond: I'll take manicotti if you can't bake me cookies!! You're right though, if you smelled this you wouldn't eat for a week! I've learned to breathe thru my ears!
Matt: Suck it!
...warm, fresh chocolate chip cookies and ice cold milk: ambrosia of the gods...
I could even put a Hershey's Kiss in the middle of the cookie if you are suicidal!
I understand where your coming from, If you have to wear one of those bags at least have the balls to clean yourself every so ofton,or I have an idea, PASS AWAY YOU SHITBAG MOTHER!!! and your little DOG too!!!!!! Have a wonderful day
Phrankie: Mmmmm, you are so correct my friend.
Dana: Oh, I'm suicidal!! Hershey's please!
D: Don't sugar coat it my brother! Could you get me the bus schedule so I may throw them all under? Loves!!
You come to Memphis and I will make you Manicotti and send you home with enough to keep your desires satisfied.
Bond: Cool! Can I see your stromboli while I'm there?
Awww, man. Cookies...ANY FREAKIN' KIND OF COOKIE!!! I'll settle for a damn Oreo.
"it is the job."
At first I thought you were talking about a blow job and I got excited."SCHMOOP'S GONNA GIVE LESSONS!!" But no.......
Metal: Ha! You are correct, any cookie is good except OREO'S! Unless of oourse they are crumbled in ice cream! Actually I could give lessons, maybe another post!
Oooohhhh... cookies... my Mom makes the best cookies, too, and have I SEEN any of them, lately? No! I've been settling for ginger snaps - stale ginger snaps. Something needs to be done about this egregious situation, pronto!
The only cookies I can really make are the bake and break. But, I would be happy to bake some of those up for ya.
Maybe you should include a couple of pics with your resume. If they knew how hot you were, they would definitely want to interview you. ;-)
Desert: See!! I told Ma to get on it, but she just smiles, and says, WHAT??? By the way, stop sending Matt porn!! Never mind, my brother liked it too!!
Jay: Those are the only cookies I bake also, but if you are willing to come to Ohio, I'd bake real ones! Thanks for the pic recommendation, I think I'll try it:)
I suppose this is an example of a time cheap perfume would smell like heaven.
And how cute is it that you two are flirting with each other in the comments. ;)
Meg: Thanks! Us flirting? Only if he'll clean the bathroom!! Oh wait, he jut did. Damn.
I got no cookies but I did make brownies last night. Would that work?
Star: With nuts???
Yuck! No!
Unless it is pecans then it would be yum. But I loathe walnuts in my baked goods with a firey passion rivaled only by my loathing of Tom Cruise.
I live in the next town over from Hershey Pa and do you think we could get the fresh stuff ha some times yes and some times no. It is hit or miss but I keep on trying don't you know. I make killer chocolate ship cookies, hubs wont even share them :)
Starr: Ok, no walnuts! No tom cruise. See how I put his name in lower case? HE SUCKS!
Lu: What a great place you live in!!! I want the cookies, NOW!!
He is lower and more vile than slug smegma.
Never EVER mention the Cruise Creature's name in my presence.
get mateo to bake you a batch while you are working....
what else has he got to do?
Post a Comment