I can’t believe that a week from today is Memorial Day. Holy Cow!!How time does fly when one is a used up old man, but nonetheless.
I really dig Memorial Day weekend.
The smell of brats cooking on the grill…the taste of Ice Cold Beer…and creepy, candy throwing
Memorial day also ushers in the unofficial start of summer.
Ahhh summer. In fact, after a cool start to this week in Bagwine, the outlook is for a stretch of weather with temps hovering right around 80.
This Memorial Day weekend is going to be another rip roarin’ good time for me. Oh yeah, Bitches.
Friday, Sunday, and Memorial Day itself…I’ll be working!! Doesn’t that sound fun? You betcha!!
Actually, I’m glad that I have the job and I like it, but seriously, unless one is brain dead, wouldn’t ya rather have a long weekend?Moreover, in addition to our regular customers, with the long weekend and warmer weather, we’ll have people come through that have never been through a beverage drive-thru before.
Oh Dear GAWD!! It only takes one fascinated newbie to get the line backed up for what seems like miles. (More on that later this week.)
On the upside…Warmer weather equals fewer clothes on the chicks. Standing next to the cars, towering over the windows of said babes, my eyes will be focused on Cleavage Central.
But still…I’ll be working, so…bleah. But listen to this, my friends, my weekend gets better.
The ex, Ryno, and his grandparents are headed to Missouri for a family reunion on Friday and returning Monday.
So what, you ask? Well, someone has to feed the cat, Sherlock, while they’re gone. That’s right. That someone would be me. They asked me last night, and I said yes.
Now why does one need to feed the cat? Can’t they just put out a few extra bowls of food? Folks, let me tell ya…
Sherlock is an orange, 16 year old, 16 pound Maine Coon Cat with a whole lotta arthritis and only four teeth. He can only eat soft food.
Spending part of my Memorial Day weekend with an old cat in a house that used to belong to me?…More Holiday joy for the Matt-Man.On the upside, it will be nice spending time with a living, breathing being that has fewer teeth than me, however…
Knowing my luck, the poor bastard will finally keel over during my watch and it will be yet another thing that “I have done wrong.” Oy.
But as I mentioned, Saturday is a day free from work, so I can toss on some brats, drink beer, and have hot sex with Schmoop, right? Well…
Saturday is the 23rd of the month. Do you know what Schmoop is typically doing on the 23rd of each month. That’s right…BLEEDING!!
So, I tell you now…instead of mustard, just go ahead and pass me the hand crème for MY brat.
I just want to ask you all…
While you are having fun this weekend with friends and family and hopefully remembering those who gave their lives in war, take time to remember me, and what I’ll be doing this weekend…
Working, wet-nursing a geriatric cat, and yanking on my wank.
God Bless America.
Cheers!!
Working, wet-nursing a geriatric cat, and yanking on my wank.
God Bless America.
Cheers!!
30 comments:
Way to make yourself useful next weekend dude. I'm sure they all appreciate it. Well, at least the cat probably does.
I think we need a hidden cleavage cam in the beer mines.
Don't let a little menses stop you from doing the deed. Consider it savings on lube.
Be like Moses and part that red sea.
Or something like that....
Jay: Ha. The cat probably will appreciate it; he's a friendly old shit. As for the camera? More and more, your stalking tendencies come out into the open. Cheers Jay!!
Candice: I'm not the one who is unwilling to part the sea and put the screws to the exodus.
That would be Queen Schmoop I who prevents my journey into the Promised Land during these monthly times of turmoil. Cheers Candice!!
Talk about adding insult to injury maybe all the cat needs is a good belt of Wild Irish rose to loosen up the ole joints.
Hammer: That would loosen him up for awhile, but then he would fall over and stiffen up like a piece of oak...permanently. Cheers Hammer!!
Hey baby I tried to scope you out while in the motor home but you are too big for my aircard at least for the 20% service I had in Elysburg. Damn why do you have to be so big? Size does matter. Be sure to palm the right brat this weekend. You'll know from the blisters if you palm the wrong one; I hope...
Lu: Whadda ya mean, I'm too big? No serioulsy, I don't what you mean with the bigness and the aircard and what not. Glad you guys are home safely. Cheers Lu!!
P.S. My brat is every bit as HAWT as one that you put on the grill. ; )~
I want a bumper sticker that reads, "Shriners - more creepy than clowns"
Fortunately, my town is too small for the Shriners to visit - we'll just have the VFW marching down main street!
I'm not sure of the technical verbage for it but I got frustrated with waiting forever for your site to load. It loaded Friday, that was Dave's post right? Other sites came up ok, slow but ok even at the 20% aircard reception. I sometimes your site wont load on my work computer either? Oh well I keep coming back until it does :)
I would be one of those gawkers in the drive-thru - carrying on about how fantastic it is and how hot the guy who works there is
and if the line complained I'd summon up my best NY manners and tell them all to go fuck themselves
you're doing a great service for the cat - even old pussy needs attention
Dana: Ha. They are every bit as creepy as clowns. And that picture of them on here...That was taken in Bagwine, Ohio. Cheers!!
Lu: Hmmmm. I can't imagine why. I have taken tons of shit off of here that I felt were slowing things up. And yeah, that was Dave's post. Cheers Lu!!
Dianne: Well, if YOU wanna gawk at me, that's completely different. I can accept that. Ha. As for the cat...He has been to all, a good boy and companion for many years. He's quite the friendly dude. Cheers Sexy!!
...The Yanky Wankertons would be a good.....
Bring the cat to work...don't wear underwear and do wear sweat pants...and you can take care of all your needs right there in between the Schlitz and the Pabst
Phfrankie: Ha. So would, "The Candy Tossin' Shriners". Cheers!!
Bond: Schlitz? Pabst? Are you still living next door to Ozzie and Harriet, as well? Cheers Vinny!!
I've noticed you removed stuff. maybe the font size is the problem? Regularly on my laptop when at home your site loads just fine. Now Bond's site is a bitch to load so I don't visit very often but IT IS NOTHING PERSONAL BOND, I do like the site and the GREAT MUSIC!
LMAO@ Schlitz and Pabst.
When you go to Kroger to get your brats be sure to pick up the Johnsonville Chili Cheese Sausages. They have done the impossible--capture the true flavor of the chili topped dog right in the thing itself. So so so good.
What's a Shriner? I don't remember growing up hearing about Shriners.
We got plenty of guys wearing funny hats with tassles asking for money at all the big intersections are they Shriners?
Lu: Ha. Thanks for the info Lu. Cheers!!
TB: Oooooo Baby. We shall be sure to check those out. Cheers TB!!
Mick: No, those are transvestite hookers. Cheers Mick!!
Get Schmoop in the shower! Ain't no excuses in the shower.
Matt in yet another creepy co-inky-dink I will probably be dog sitting for my ex this weekend. What are the odds?
My brat will be at Sasquatch music festival seeing Kings of Leon, Janes Addiction, and Nine Inch Nails amoung many other bands. I get to watch a beagle.
Bah.
I love the smell of barbecue grills - man, that is such a great summertime memory stimulus!
Bummer about the cat duty but you're a good guy for doing that.
I agree with RLL: there are no excuses in the shower!
Hey...Schmoops out of action but it sounds like you'll still be getting some pussy action there...
RLL: I agree, but on this isuue I have been out voted...One to Nothing. Cheers!!
Starr: The parallels between you and I are starting to creep me out...and arouse me. Cheers!!
Desert Rat: It is one of the best smells that I know of. Mmmmmm. And like I said, tell Schmoop to get wet with me. Cheers!!
VE: Yeah. Thanks for illuminating that silver lining for me. Cheers VE!!
Hey Bagwine...never visited your spot, but Curious Chris just made me look at your kooky keek. What I wouldn't give to give him the brush that my Vet recommended, and stops Harold in his tracks! He's short haired, but quite hairy...hence Harold. He's orange too!
Gal: Well thanks for stopping by. He loves to be brushed. Poor thing...It takes him forever to get around. Cheers Gal!!
That is one good looking kitty! He just screams "snuggle me" ... kind like you!
Cheesy: Awwwww. Aren't you sweet. Cheers Cheesy!!
I have never been in a drive thru liquor store...I would totally hold up traffic.
I would be out of the car taking pictures...smile.
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