Sarah Palin: The Last Picnic In Mayberry

This is it folks…It’s a sad day for America and more so for the citizens of Alaska.

Today is Gov. Sarah “Lame and Dull” Palin’s last full day in office. On Sunday, she will officially transfer gubernatorial duties and power to Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell.

She will perform this act in Fairbanks during the Governor’s Picnic.

A Sunday picnic…that’s so typical…so American…so Sarah.

There will be square dancing, bathtub races, and a punch and cake reception ‘neath the Pioneer Park gazebo. It will be much like a Sunday afternoon in Mayberry, N.C. in 1966.

When I close my eyes and envision this grand, yet bittersweet event I see Clara and Aunt Bee getting sloshed on Col. Harvey’s Indian Elixir as Sarah stops by their table to help judge the homemade pickle contest.

Over the way, Opie is involved in a spirited, yet friendly game of baseball with Willow, Trig, Algebra, and Calculus or whatever the name of Palin’s kids are.

Andy and the Darlin’s are playing a hoppin’ version of Old Man Tucker while Floyd, Gomer, Thelma Lou, and their new Alaskan friends are cutting a rug on the straw strewn square dance floor.

Barney Fife is coordinating crowd control activities with the Fairbanks P.D. and keeping a wary eye on Lt. Gov. Parnell because Barney thinks he “looks a little suspicious”…Oh the innocent hilarity that will ensue from that scenario.

Sarah’s oldest daughter Bristol is behind the Soft-Serve Ice Cream booth sharing a tender moment and warm wet kisses with Ernest T. Bass.

All is well…except for the Queen of the Yukon. Sarah, while bravely sporting a smile, and gladly shaking hands is crying inside.

Her tears are the result of months of media abuse…public scorn and ridicule…the incredible burden of keeping the Russians at bay.

So sad...

There is no joy that is Mayberry for the woman who made this slice of Americana possible. For her, there is but a resignation speech, and a plate full of tainted potato salad and a burnt hot dog. It’s just…not…fair.

Gone are the days of the simple life in Wasilla. Gone is her joy of serving Alaskans as their Chief Public Servant. Gone is the innocence she enjoyed while fishing, imparting folksy gems of wisdom, and gutting moose.

Her life will now be full of book tours, talk shows, making speeches, and collecting money hand over fist.

I feel for her. I feel for Alaska. I feel for America, and I hope that all of you Sarah-Haters are proud of yourselves.

You see, those of you who sniped at Sarah Palin didn’t just destroy a brilliant woman and political career. You destroyed Mayberry.

Cheers!!