Sarah Palin: Resigning As America Resigns Herself

It’s going to be a decent Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio. Summer temps are back and my 11-7 shift at the Beer Mine should be hoppin’.

In fact, it could be a, “Chicks Coming Through the Drive-Thru in Low Cut Shirts Day”. One can only hope, Amen.

As I mentioned in an amusing way yesterday, today is Gov. Sarah “Lame and Dull” Palin’s last day as Governor of the Great State of Alaska.

While I do find it funny that the Eski-Ho couldn’t take the heat of bloodsport, lower 48 politics, I find her actual existence, in a way, quite sad.

No, not saddened by the fact that she is around as a living, breathing person, but rather as my friend Mick implied in his comment yesterday, that she was dangerously close to becoming this country’s Vice-President.

As much as I loathe Gov. Palin I do not and have never hated her. I HATE very few people. I think she is a moron who has no business holding office in the national arena.

In some ways I feel sorry for her, and more so for this country. Oh shuddup…hear me out.

Palin is doing nothing that many of us would not do if offered an opportunity to be a national figure…on the political stage or another venue. McCain had no business offering her the job as his running mate, but did so as a gimmick, much like Mondale did with his choie of Ferraro in ’84.

Palin should have declined. She should have put her alleged middle America common sense to the forefront and accepted the fact that she was and never will be up to the job. In the end her selfish ambition and exploitation of her family won out.

So be it. Others may have done the same.

As much as I dislike Palin, I am to this day, more taken aback by the American public. In a recent poll 57% of Americans say that Palin cannot grasp complicated issues, and yet another poll says that 77% of Republicans support Palin.

WTF?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not merely picking on GOP’ers. I am sure that there are similar numbers of Dem officials. I am picking on the American electorate in general.

The American voter has allowed itself to become a fish feeding on the bait of 24/7 Cable News, Talk Radio, and ideologically driven outlets on the internets.

Olbermann and Maddow…Hannity and O’Reilly…Coulter and Limbaugh. These people are NOT the truth. They are entertainers, self-promoters, and most significantly, ideologues.

And, none of these people, much like Palin, are intellectual giants…Take them with a grain of salt.

Listen folks…We all have our beliefs, but if you feel there is no room for change or alteration of thought, you are already dead.

I hope that is not the case with you guys. I hope that you will forever be open to new ideas and thoughts.

My hope is that unlike Palin and the others that I mentioned, that you enjoy hearing the ideas of others, entertaining them, and actively seek them out.

To do otherwise would mean that you have fallen victim to near-sightedness, narcissism, and self-aggrandizement. In other words, become another Sarah Palin.

Palin is not America. She is not a “typical” mother. Palin is an Arctic Circle Carnival Barker who found an “in”.

You and I are not that lucky. We don’t fall ass backwards into a lucrative situation in spite of our limited mental capabilities...

We have to think for a living.

Cheers!!

Sarah Palin: The Last Picnic In Mayberry

This is it folks…It’s a sad day for America and more so for the citizens of Alaska.

Today is Gov. Sarah “Lame and Dull” Palin’s last full day in office. On Sunday, she will officially transfer gubernatorial duties and power to Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell.

She will perform this act in Fairbanks during the Governor’s Picnic.

A Sunday picnic…that’s so typical…so American…so Sarah.

There will be square dancing, bathtub races, and a punch and cake reception ‘neath the Pioneer Park gazebo. It will be much like a Sunday afternoon in Mayberry, N.C. in 1966.

When I close my eyes and envision this grand, yet bittersweet event I see Clara and Aunt Bee getting sloshed on Col. Harvey’s Indian Elixir as Sarah stops by their table to help judge the homemade pickle contest.

Over the way, Opie is involved in a spirited, yet friendly game of baseball with Willow, Trig, Algebra, and Calculus or whatever the name of Palin’s kids are.

Andy and the Darlin’s are playing a hoppin’ version of Old Man Tucker while Floyd, Gomer, Thelma Lou, and their new Alaskan friends are cutting a rug on the straw strewn square dance floor.

Barney Fife is coordinating crowd control activities with the Fairbanks P.D. and keeping a wary eye on Lt. Gov. Parnell because Barney thinks he “looks a little suspicious”…Oh the innocent hilarity that will ensue from that scenario.

Sarah’s oldest daughter Bristol is behind the Soft-Serve Ice Cream booth sharing a tender moment and warm wet kisses with Ernest T. Bass.

All is well…except for the Queen of the Yukon. Sarah, while bravely sporting a smile, and gladly shaking hands is crying inside.

Her tears are the result of months of media abuse…public scorn and ridicule…the incredible burden of keeping the Russians at bay.

So sad...

There is no joy that is Mayberry for the woman who made this slice of Americana possible. For her, there is but a resignation speech, and a plate full of tainted potato salad and a burnt hot dog. It’s just…not…fair.

Gone are the days of the simple life in Wasilla. Gone is her joy of serving Alaskans as their Chief Public Servant. Gone is the innocence she enjoyed while fishing, imparting folksy gems of wisdom, and gutting moose.

Her life will now be full of book tours, talk shows, making speeches, and collecting money hand over fist.

I feel for her. I feel for Alaska. I feel for America, and I hope that all of you Sarah-Haters are proud of yourselves.

You see, those of you who sniped at Sarah Palin didn’t just destroy a brilliant woman and political career. You destroyed Mayberry.

Cheers!!

Fidel Castro Resigns: Matt-Man Whips Out His Organ

Put your makeshift raft into dry dock and call the New York Yankees, the Revolution is over. I say again, La Revolución es más!!

It’s official Fidel Castro will not accept another term as President of Cuba. He has resigned as President of the Communist Caribbean country after 49 years of rule.

As shockwaves are going through the international political community, entrepreneurial Casino Resort developers everywhere are jacking off in synchronicity with peso potential glee…

“Hola, and welcome to Bally’s de Havana, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson!!”

But, let us not jump the gun and take Castro’s resignation as the end of rusty iron handed rule on the island.

While Fidel, who is 81, is resigning, it is expected that he will be replaced by a new, much younger Cuban Dictator in the form of his brother Raul, who will be a mere 77 years old in June.

I for one hope that democracy does not come to this island nation. If democracy flourishes, that will put those people who manufacture spare parts for 1959-1965 Chevys and Buicks out of work. Let’s just take a deep breath, and be careful what we wish for.

Now, let me get on with what I had intended to talk about. Sheeeeeeee’s Baaaack!! Yep, this sleek, sweet, music maker is back in my possession after wresting it away from exile at my son’s house.

My Casio CTK-491 and I have been reunited. From here on out, you not only will be able to hear me sing such Bagwine classics as, The Resurrection, but listen to me play along as well.

Matt-Man’s You Tube Site will be rockin’.

I have even given this beauty a name. Her name is Tyra…Tyra Soundbank. And let me tell you, I am going to be pounding away on Tyra all day today. We will be making some bee-yoo-tee-ful music together.

I haven’t played in quite awhile, but in only an hour yesterday, we hammered out the music to Little Eva’s song, The Locomotion so we can put it to my tune, The Resurrection. Praise Jeebus and let me rub Tyra’s big speakers.

I will practice very hard over the coming weeks, so that I can headline at the new Amusement Park that I am developing. I want to build a religious themed family fun park, complete with thrilling rides, great food, and filled with the Holy Spirit.

The idea just came to me so I don’t even have a name for it yet.

Perhaps I could call it King of Kings Island, Six Flags Over Jesus, Busch Hanging Gardens of Babylon, or if I want to get a little playful and risqué, By Gollywood…just not sure, more on this tomorrow.

Before I go, I would be remiss if I didn’t give a Happy Birthday Shout Out to one of the original commenters on Bagwine Ruminations. Happy 41st Birthday to Mo of It’s a Blog Eat Blog World.

Have a fun-filled day my flamboyant friend, and know in your heart that you’ll always be a princess to me.

Cheers!!