Saturday, September 26, 2009

Cheryl Burke, Tom DeLay, Mackenzie Phillips, and John Phillips: Love Lost, Love Found

It’s the last Saturday of September, and a mere three months ‘til Christmas. Wow, time really gets away from us, doesn’t it?


I have but a couple of thoughts before I go to see my adorable, not so little kid this morning.

I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars, but I have for some time, lusted after the zaftig and uber-sexy Cheryl Burke.

How I have long dreamed of doing the horizontal mambo with Cheryl. Jeebus Christ, she…is…hot.


I don’t see her in the same light anymore, for my lovely Miss Cheryl has become damaged goods.

As many of you know, the cruel and callous producers of DWTS paired her up with former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

She has been dancing with him, cajoling him, and worst of all, has touched and been touched by DeLay. Cheryl is now and forever will be…tainted. I am saddened.

Cheryl, I know it’s hard to say good-bye, but I feel that any future we had together has now shuffled off to Buffalo.

I wish I could continue to keep you in my dreams, hold you in my fantasies, and picture you naked while violating my naughty bits, but alas…

You have the creepy and demonic essence of Tom DeLay all over your incredibly beautiful body.

Even if you were to get a dozen anti-radiation scrub showers like Meryl Streep received in the movie, Silkwood, it wouldn’t be enough to remove the Tom DeLay from you.

I am sorry Cheryl, but I must end our relationship.

Be strong my dear, and please, advise your attorney that he can drop the motion for a protection order against me that he filed on your behalf. Thank you.

One last thing…While I am saddened about losing Cheryl, I am still a lover of love.

Love is a great thing, and this past week we were all made aware of a love story for the ages….the deep and soulful relationship that existed between Mackenzie Phillips and her late father, John Phillips of The Mamas and the Papas.

Not only did they share the joy of a close father/daughter bond, they shared drugs, their bodily fluids, and the story of Lot and his daughters together.

Many people cringed when Mackenzie announced her love affair with her dad, in her book and on Oprah Winfrey’s TV show, but me? I smiled.

I could immediately envision the tender moments of father/daughter love the two shared. I could see them both strung out yet smiling, swimming naked in the warm, soothing waters of a common gene pool.

I could hear John’s balls slamming against Mackenzie’s ass as he forcefully, but lovingly asks, “Who’s your daddy?”

Love is a beautiful thing indeed.

I would like to end this post with a song…a song dedicated to the full and complete love that existed between John and Mackenzie Phillips.

No, I am not going to be crass and play a tune by The Mamas and the Papas, such as I Saw Her Again or Words of Love.

No folks, John and Mackenzie’s love wrote its own lyrics. The only thing that these two need in order to complete their song of love, is a melody.

I think I have found it. I hope you enjoy my musical selection and your Saturday as well.



David said...

Aside from placing the unforgiveable taint on Cheryl, it seems to me that Tom Delay has made his credentials quite evident to join the select group of GOP members of congress like Larry Craig and Mark Foley. Did you see him swivel his hips? Shocking I tell you, shocking - he's virtually a pole dancer.

Ya gotta love it when the Repubs act out...or is that come out?

Matt-Man said...

David: Ha...I bet the stupid, repressed mo-fo didn't even get a hard on while dancing with Cheryl. Such a waste. Cheers David!!

Scott Oglesby said...

Cheryl is exactly my flavor as well. Those big brown soulful eyes and that voluptuous but perfectly toned body, mmmmm. Now that, is music to the beat! And tell me that Tom Delay isn’t a closet (or basement) gay. All I saw was a clip on Stewart, but if he was in a men’s room, I’d be waiting for him to clear out before dropping the kids at the pool.

Personally, I think the odds are about 90/10 that she’s lying. I find it too suspicious that all of these revelations come out when she has a book to sell. But who am I to judge? I’d like to sell a book one day myself. Did I ever tell you my grandfather was AL Capone and……he ….touched me in the scary place. Oh, and he made me wack out like 29 people before I turned…..wait, I wasn’t even born yet. No matter, before I tuned -35.

Candice said...

"I could hear John’s balls slamming against Mackenzie’s ass as he forcefully, but lovingly asks, “Who’s your daddy?”

God, that's gross. I love it!

I, too, think Tommy boy is light in the loafers. Not that there's anything WRONG with that.

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Ha. Tommy "Twinkle Toes" DeLay. I too, think she may be lying or in her drug ravaged mind she may truly believe it happened even if it didn't. Cheers Scott!!

Candice: Gross? When I heard that testicular symphony play out in mind, I found it to be the new classic in love songs. Cheers Candice!!

Lu' said...

Cheryl Burke can not be sullied. She could turn a straight gal bi' I don't think she could turn a straight gal gay because once a lover of man meat always a lover of man meat unless you were fooling yourself all along. Makenziie sure was a lover of man meat how 'bout? She claims she was lovin' her some Daddy man meat. Sickest blurb I read was she stopped having sex with her Father when she got pregnant and didn't know if he was the baby Daddy so she aborted her Sister Daughter. Ugh ugly ugly ugly and might I add tsk tsk tsk.

Have a good day man meat HA!

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Ha. You seem all fired up today, Lu.

Yes, Cheryl is indeed smokin'. However, is the heat of her hotness enough to sterilize and neutralize the adverse effects of Tommy Boy's stank? I question that. Here's to the Phillips baby that never was. Enjoy some meat today, and Cheers!!

Dianne said...

I believe Chery has a new future after this stint with Tommy DeLayed Evolution

She can start a rehab center for others who have been tainted by Repubs and men who dress to the right and evangelicals who feel the need to scream out 'Fuck me Jesus' at that delicious moment

think of it!! long suffering wives and mistresses
whores from all over
young gay men who just wanted to take a leak and get on a plane
they could all flock to her and be saved!

cheryl can overcome this and help the nation at the same time

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: In other words, Cheryl, in addition to being a dancer, TV personality, and smokin' hot babe, can add "patriot" to her resume. You are so correct, and Cheryl Burke is soooooo American. Cheers Sexy!!

Jay said...

I don't know anybody who doesn't find Cheryl to be one of the sexiest women ever! But, this does hurt her.

Kinda like Rose McGowan. Crazy hot chick, but she has that Marilyn Manson stank all over her. That can't be washed out in the shower either.

Bill Maher last night said McKenzie's new book is titled "Ewwwwwwwwww"

Anonymous said...

"Kid Friendly"??!!!! Is that your euphenism for Ass Hole friendly?

So let's see. In your repetoire of "love" you include your rape fantasy of Cheryl Burke "I wish I could continue to keep you in my dreams, hold you in my fantasies, and picture you naked while violating my naughty bits,". (I doubt she will be sad to miss that)
Why is it that rapists think women want it or want them???
And #2 is your delight in the childhood incestous rapes of MacKenzie Phillips by her father.
I suspect you think you are a master of ironic humor or parady or such but really you're not.
What makes you smile are violent felonies my dear boy. And I do mean "boy". Let's hope you soon overcome your testosterone destroyed rational responsible adult behaviors. Testosterone is now scientifically proven to prevent those behaviors and also ofcourse you obviously are one of those males who only has access to 1/2 the brain betw the shoulders and so use all of the head betw your legs.

I have 3" ruler handy so whip it out and let's see what you really have to offer.
Size does count and women soon will be measuring and publishing male dimensions. Now that makes me smile. News at 11.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Cheryl is incredible. Rose and Marilyn? Maybe they were drawn towards each other by their lack of color. Ha...Maher got that one completely correct. Cheers Jay!!

Matt-Man said...

Anonymous: Hee Hee. "Anonymous"...Hiding behind a veil and yet you say that I have no dick or in your case, a backbone. I find that, ironic. Don't you?

Anyhoo...I don't think I was writing about my desire to rape the uber-lovely Mizz Burke. I was writing about my deisre to give her a tongue bath. There's a big difference, and one that is much more pleasurable for the parties involved.

As for the Phillips'...The sex, if it happened, while completely um...icky, was consentual and she wasn't a child, so the sex was a matter of two way too drugged up idiots engaging in an action that is disgusting.

Now the testosterone issue...If I didn't have more than an ample supply, chances are I wouldn't be one bald headed motherfucker.

As for the post in general, it is obvious to me that while you mention that I try to write "parady", you have no clue what it it is, let alone how to spell, parody.

As for my dick? It isn't really big, but it is muscular. And you know why? It gets plenty of exercise working out with a hot woman who realizes, unlike you, that the biggest and most powerful part of my body is my mind. It turns her on, as it has for more than a few women through my years.

And guess what? I didn't rape a single one of them. Cheers Fuck-Tard!!

Schmoop said...

Soooo..anon how do you get through life? Just abusing someone on their website, and not even letting anyone know who you are? I think I know who you are. A fucking coward. Why don't you try reading this post again, with someone who could explain all of the details to you. You obviously do not have a grasp of the English language, or content.

Rape? Who the fuck said anything about that? Cheryl Burke is one hot, talented bitch! Hell, I'd do her!

Where do you get off that Mackenzie Phillips said this was rape? She is intimating that this was consentual. Buy the book moron.

By the way, Matt Man is hot, and worth every fucking eight inches!! You suck!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...kudos to the Prince of Parody!...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Right back at ya you diabolical friend of a rapist, you. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: Purrrrrrrr, and thanks...And I ain't talkin' about the comment. Yum. Cheers!!

Starrlight said...

Bah, I'd do Rose McGowan even if I did have an issue with Manson Taint as you put it, Jay :P

Then again, I did Manson and I actually give her props for publicly dating a guy who is so loathed ;)

Anon - Um. Yeah. Here's the deal. I *have* been raped and nothing in the Cheryl post made me wanna run out and start waving the victim flag, so what is your damage?

Anonymous said...

Obviously this blogger thinks if he wants whatever version of sex, that is all that matters. No thought to get a woman's permission. You thinking a woman is hot is NOT her PERMISSION so I again say... you think like a rapist.
Thought is the precursor to behaviors.
As for Mackenzie... no matter her age, Phillips was her father, she, his child = Rape baby boy any which way you look at it.
As for your penile claims, life has taught me that the boys who talk BIG SEX don't have it and seldom perform it using whatever body part.
I bet women do a lot of 'faking it' for you.
Your attempt to insult me is as puny your benefits from testosterone which by you own admission burned out your hair folicles and by neurolgy studies burns out the synapses of rational thought. And you guys 'run the world'... yipes!
Anonymity is an option I choose in the midst of fools. I stick by that choice.

I must admit I had to laugh at the remark scolding me for being rude to the blogger on this site. As if it were a hotbed of class and intelligence!?! Hilarious.
Talk about the pot calling the kettle... Hilarious.

Matt-Man said...

Starr: I knew you would issue withtheh Mariyn Manson thing, but that is what makes us a diverese nation. CHeers Bay-by!!

Anony: I thought about answering each of your points, but instead, I decided to just say, Wow, you're fucked up, ain't ya?" Cheers Nutjob!!

Anonymous said...

LOL... Matt boy... again the pot calling the kettle. Your words right back at you.

I don't expect appreciation in a place like this. I am just the messenger of sanity toward women... I can't make it happen. Never expected to. The lack of it in men's minds is such a long ugly tradition.

These online "boys will be boys" (now known to be code for men will be rapists) locker room chats merely make it possible now for women without the blindfolds to see you for what you are. A bunch of "normal" sickos who think their adolescent intrusive focus is complimentary or sought by "hot" women.

BTW I'm aquainted with Cheryl Burke and her boyfriend. You Matt baby wouldn't make the cut. This one thing I know for certain.

So don't assume her willing participation in your silly fantasies.

Matt-Man said...

Anony: You have been jilted before haven't ya? Well, we all have, but we get over it. My girlfriend thinks I am the nicest guy she has ever met. And guess what? I am. And, it's reciprocated.

She's snoozing right now, because after we had incredible sex, she ate ham and scalloped potatoes that I made for her. And by the way, I kissed her on the head and said, "I Love You", before she fell asleep. It's lonely being you, isn't it? Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

No Matt... never jilted and I've never jilted anyone either. Never was raped and not in the market for it either.
I have zero tolerance for the foreplay behaviors of rapists who think these behaviors are cute.
Actually my life is loaded with friends from all paths in life. Though I am very careful whom I invite into my life.

The one thing we agree on is Tom Delay's bleak spirit and contamination level. He's not invited into my home so not watching DWTS this season til he goes. The sooner Cheryl gets away from him the happier I will be.

I am noted for being very confident, with high self esteem, but I do not tolerate male foolishness well and don't intend to learn either.

I will not dim my light nor my intelligence so boys can suppose everything they do is ok. Your ego is not that important to me.

Given your propensity for fantasy, I am not impressed with your girl friend claims nor your descriptions of your behaviors toward the sleepy lovely. At this point I am not that gullible.

Bye Bye.

Matt-Man said...

Anony: You truly are an asshole, but I dig ya, becaue I'm into fun, frivolous banter. So Thanks. Tell my buds in New York that I said Hi. Cheers!!

Clay Perry said...

i love comments by anonymous, he gets around doesnt he...

Cheesy said...

Now that Cheryl is tainted maybe she will touch your taint~ heheheh

katherine. said...

there are absolutely no circumstances under which a man provides and allows a teenager daughter serious drugs and then has sex with her that should not totally outrage you.

You all can argue the legal and colloquial definitions of words like rape and if there was a way to justify the behavior.

parody or satire or just trying to find a subject that would bring in readers? It quite simply is above the line for me.

Dianne said...

If Mackenzie had opened up what happened between her and her father in the form of a conversation where she was clearly trying to recover and help herself and others I might have more of a problem with satirizing it

I do think she is horribly fucked up but she also came out of obscurity to sell a book - and all her equally fucked up friends and family are now coming out of the woodwork to discuss it

hell - Valerie Bertinelli will probably turn it into a Jenny Craig commercial

I was repeatedly molested and abused by my father for years so I don't come to this subject lightly

Other than trying to sell her book, and that's her right, I don't see where Mackenzie is doing any kind of service to those who struggle with addictions and who wake up every day working very hard to NOT be victims of their past

Even if her father didn't ever touch her once he clearly contributed greatly to the sad and hurt soul she is

but now she is a grown ass woman and I actually resent her approach to opening up about her hurts, it belittles those of us who survived and didn't find a way to make money off our hurts and turn them into a fucking circus worthy of satire

and to think I thought the controversy was over the previous post - Ha!!

as to Anon - I put my life out there with my name and face attached to it wherever I go
if you can't do the same then shut the fuck up
and don't even try to tell me you give a shit about women who were raped or abused
you just want to vent on someone else's dime

Micky-T said...

Wow! I missed a good one....

The Supreme Ego Anonymous Bitch

Matt-Man said...

Clay: He-She is quite the source of amusement. Why hide from it? Cheers Clay!!

Cheesy: One can dream...and hope. Cheers Cheesy!!

Kat: Are you serious? I wasn't seriuosly making a legal case for, or trying to justify the alleged relationship. I was givin' crap to the Anonymous bonehead.

And yes, I do like to keep things topical here on top of that, as Carlin said in reference to good comics, and I think it relates to social commentary as well, "It is his or her duty to find out where the line is, and then deliberatley cross it." Cheers Kat!!

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: I know Dianne and I am truly sorry for that, but I just think this entire "relationship", and the way Mac has decided to "open up" about it reeks of self-promotion. As for Anony, people like that do help me to feel better about myself. Even if I am a rapist. Cheers Sexy!!

Micky: He or she added spice to my Saturday!! Cheers Mick!!

katherine. said...

yeah...I am.

I was also commenting on the comments, not just your original post.

And while I am a big fan of Mr. Carlin....saw him in person many years ago...I still think there are a few subjects for me that just are not funny.

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