Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Obama School Address: A Rebuttal By Matt-Man

Today, President Obama will address many of our sons and daughters who are beginning the new school year.

I have read the speech text. It is shocking. Obama implores the students to work hard, never give up, overcome difficulties, and study, study, study.

He has the nerve to tell our youth that if they apply themselves they could someday create a cure for cancer or AIDS.

He goes on to tell the students that if they develop critical thinking skills and their creativity, they may someday end poverty, discrimination, build businesses, and make America a better place.

Oh the nerve of that man…

Some administrators and parents are refusing to allow their kids to hear this outrageous back to school message from Obama and rightly so. However…

These children who are the spawn of parents who live according to the world of great Americans such as Glenn “Believe in Something Even if it’s Wrong” Beck and Michelle “I Wear Tons of Lipstick To Hide The Callouses I Got From Sucking The Pelvic Bones of John Birch’s Skeleton” Malkin, deserve a Back-to School address as well.

Fear not, my irrational, birther nation…I, Matt-Man, shall address your child. So gather them ‘round the computer and allow me to send them back to school with an inspiring message that is not a bunch of socialist, Obama drivel.

Hi Kids…Matt-Man, here.

I don’t care if you are kindergartener or a Senior in High School, life can be fraught with challenges and difficulties. Get used to it. Life is often arduous and for many of you, it will overwhelm you to the point where you need to rely on drugs and alcohol.

That’s okay, I can tell you…it’s not that bad of a way to go through life.

You can study as hard as you want…however, some of you may very well not “make it” in life.

In fact, most of you won’t. That’s the breaks. Sure, some of you may become doctors, lawyers, and entrepreneurs, but since Obama is hell bent on destroying our country, does it really matter?

And for those of you who think if you study really hard you could become President someday? Ha.

Your mom must have been drinking vodka and smoking crack while she was pregnant with you, because you’ve got no chance of that happening.

The only way any of you will have anything remotely in common with the Oval Office is if you happen to be a male student named, Dwight House.

Jeebus Christ kids…if your mom and dad have kept you from viewing the Obama message they have done you a big favor.

They, along with folks like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and Laura Ingraham are well aware that President Obama has screwed this country, turned it into a socialist state, and now like a pied piper is asking you to join him.

Youth of America!! Do NOT be fooled. Obama wants you to become part of his diabolical, Marxist-Muslim movement that may involve many of you being forced to participate in a ritual of testicle shaving and being commanded to eat food prepared by a British chef. Bastard.

Kids…your parents have already shown you that there is no need for critical thinking. Hell, critical thinking leads to problems.

You may not know this, but do you know how Mad Cow Disease got started? A mindless, herd following cow decided to think for his own bovine self. What did it get him?

He went fucking mad, and then ruined all of our beef…that delicious beef that us like minded folks just eat up. So…

Don’t try hard…Don’t study…Don’t think. If you do? Your mom, dad, and Glenn Beck will cry. We don’t want that do we?

Of course not…And, that’s my message to you. Now get out there and have the most unproductive school year you have ever had!!

Cheers!!

33 comments:

katherine. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Desert Rat said...

I always love your satire! Keep on doing your good works and spreading the Word of the Matt-Man!

Dyslexic Slackers Untie!

Oh, and have a lovely day, dear.

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Satire? I was being serious. ; ) Thanks Rat, and hvae a lovyle dya yousrelf. Cheers Rat!!

moonbeem said...

I have no kids, and any family member of mine is either too young or too old for this to be an issue for me.
Just a thought though, why does the address have to be at school? Obama has never been one to shy away from any kind of “prime time” media coverage. Couldn’t the same message be sent when families could sit down and listen to it together?(I know I will get bashed because NO ONE has time for family dinners anymore, and I can’t remember the last one I had either!) If this speech is so crucial that parents are willing to take their children out of school…why can’t it be crucial enough to make sure that you sit down with your child to listen to it as well?

Jay said...

I think you're message is actually better. They don't need to set goals or work hard or take responsibility or any of that shit. That type of thing is just inviting disappointment when they fail. And they will fail.

Maybe Obama will withdraw his speech and use this one?

Matt-Man said...

Moonbeem: The speech is not "crucial" but it's something that Presidents do from time to time. When I was in grade school we all went to see Ford. Reagan, Bush, Bush have addressed school kids. Why is it now some kind of wacky idea that Obama does it?

The dinner time idea is well, fucking stupid. It's a school address. And c'mon...now...You're being disingenous. You don't like the guy, so you throw this lame dinner time argument out. I've heard it more than once. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha. Thanks. There is nothing like giving a group of young kids a heaping dose of reality early in life. Cheers Jay!!

Starrlight said...

All this socialism talk is making me want Blini and Wodka.

Matt-Man said...

Starr: Well come one over and bring some; I'll make a big pot of borscht and we can play with my collection of Marx and Engels Action Figures. Cheers Starr!!

Dianne said...

you forgot to tell the girls that they should just start getting pregnant, if they have enough kids God will give them their own TV show

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Brilliant. Duggar 101. Praise Jeebus!! Cheers Di!!

Michele said...

On NBC Newt Gingrich gave a big thumbs up to Obama's speech. Hmmmmm....does that mean he's not "right" anymore? Is he a socialist shill now?

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Fabulous! Will you be a guess speaker in my classroom?

Matt-Man said...

Michele: I saw that...Newt is now an outcast among Conservatives. Some of his cohorts probably feel betrayed. Cheers Michele!!

Fantasy: Oooooooo Baby. Anytime. Especially if you make me stay after class. Cheers Meg!!

You can Call me AL said...

Matt-Man!!!

Spot on!

Matt-Man said...

Al: Thank you my chef/educator friend. Always a pleasure to "see" ya. Have a good school year Al, and keep those Marxist svengalis at bay. Cheers!!

Moonbeem said...

Actually I don't dislike him....just a thought, but hey clearly I'm an idiot. Oh well!

Matt-Man said...

Moonbeem: I didn't say that you're an idiot. I stated that I believe your dinner time address idea is weak and a demonstration of you trying to rationalize your "uncomfortably", for some reason, of a sitting President telling kids to work hard in school. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

I no longer have children in school (two are in college...but they aren't getting the message)...all my kids are registered voters...who actually vote.

All the hoopla over The President of The United States sending a message to America's school children has happened before...and will surely happen again.

Of that I am proud and I am very thankful my family lives in this country.

In most countries any objection (or any of this name calling) to the elected leader...or the party in power...would be punishable by torture or death.

In many countries the school children would be all male.

How about those who support Obama revel in the fact he was elected...that you at least had the opportunity to vote...and that all children in our country have the opportunity to go to school and hear him speak.

How about those who don't support Obama revel in the fact you can object and call names and live to do it all again tomorrow.

Matt-Man said...

Kat: That's nice, but there is one problem with what you just wrote...

Not ALL children have the right to go to school and hear him speak, because even after the release of his speech, some districts still refuse to air it.

Cheers Kat!!

katherine. said...

my point was ALL children have the right to go to school. Regardless of religion, race, creed, or gender. The government doesn't forbid a specific demographic from being educated.

If a school board refuses to air it...and parents want their kids to see it...the kids will get to see it. If a school board is showing the address and a parent doesn't want their kids to see it...they won't have to. That is really something we should be thankful for.

(I know all schools aren't equal...but that is economics....not politics...and a totally different subject)

Matt-Man said...

Kat: Holy Cow, Katherine...Why don't we make certain History lessons optional as well if in my case the class was discussing the Iraq War.

Are you serious? You think the following:

"If a school board is showing the address and a parent doesn't want their kids to see it...they won't have to. That is really something we should be thankful for."

You're right...We should be THANKFUL that kids do not have to view our nation's Chief Executive Officer asking them to do their job in school.

Jesus Christ...Cheers, I guess!!

katherine. said...

I can see how you may have misinterpreted my point.

I am thankful that a parent can decide.

I am thankful American parents are neither forced nor forbidden where the education of the children are concerned.

I am thankful American parents are not forced or forbidden to indoctrinate their children on a certain political opinion.

Matt-Man said...

Kat: That's nice that you're thankful. I, on the other hand, am worried that some parents who are raising our nation's future find a problem with a message that asks our kids to do their best.

And seriously...what the hell political opinion are you talking about? And indoctrination? WTF?

Cheers!!

katherine. said...

really Matt?

I am talking about political opinions and absolute indoctrination that takes place in other countries.

I think you know that.

I am thankful me and my family live in THIS country and not Iraq or Iran or Saudi Arabia...et cetera.

In the United States of America there have always been parents who object to the messages the President has sent...and wanted to withhold that message from their children. I'm pretty sure some people during Washington's time objected to what he had to say....all the way thru to and including Obama.

We just live in an era where the technology allows us to hear or read about every single objection.

Matt-Man said...

Kat: Okay I get my misinterpratation of your indocrination comment, but as for Washington? I doubt if parents withheld info from their kids. As by the time they got it, their kids were grown.

I am seriously taken aback by your initial comment and that you said that you're thankful that parents are free to decide to not watch a positive message from our President. It's silly. It's moronic.

Why should a thinking person be afraid of a message that is contrary to theirs? Not that Obama's was to any thinking person...

I think perhaps that any school district who refused to air it, or any parent who pulled their kid from hearing it, should show their disdain loudly and proudly by giving up Federal Education Funds while Obama is President.

C'mon grow some balls people. If you don't like his message, please eschew anything he has to say on the subject. Take yourself out of the system.

This uproar over Obama's "Do Your Best" is such bullshit, and someone like YOU, is trying to rationalize it. I really am at a loss. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

silly and moronic?

I get called "goofy" frequently...but moron is a new one for me.

The uproar over the Presidential message is bullshit...The uproar over the uproar is bullshit as well. MOST of the uproar these days in support and in opposition is pretty much bullshit these days. I'm not trying to "rationalize" anything Matt. I was merely commenting. Lo siento.

To suggest that those who don't like one of the President's messages should eschew and take themselves out of the system is far too all or nothing for me.

I prefer we all get to continue to decide item by item what we agree with and what we don't. I do not follow blindly.

Matt-Man said...

Kat: I called that particular idea mornic. I say things that are moronic often but it does not make me a moron.

And seriously, I never implied or thought that you were one who follows blindly. Cheers!!

David said...

Wow - I miss a day or so reading the Joyful Musings of Matt-Man and all kinds of fun breaks out.

All those talking heads and their friendly nutjob conservanistas should be utterly ashamed of themselves for raising such a dreadful ruckus over a presidential pep talk to the students. Their own paranoid hysteria is evident when they criticize the speech before even knowing the text.

Cheers Matt-Man. A great post.

Matt-Man said...

David: Yeah, the shoot first ask questions later mentality. The good thing about paranoia? It typically leaves the paranoid one alone with his or her own misery. Cheers David!!

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