Today, President Obama will address many of our sons and daughters who are beginning the new school year.
I have read the speech text. It is shocking. Obama implores the students to work hard, never give up, overcome difficulties, and study, study, study.
He has the nerve to tell our youth that if they apply themselves they could someday create a cure for cancer or AIDS.
He goes on to tell the students that if they develop critical thinking skills and their creativity, they may someday end poverty, discrimination, build businesses, and make America a better place.
Oh the nerve of that man…
Some administrators and parents are refusing to allow their kids to hear this outrageous back to school message from Obama and rightly so. However…
These children who are the spawn of parents who live according to the world of great Americans such as Glenn “Believe in Something Even if it’s Wrong” Beck and Michelle “I Wear Tons of Lipstick To Hide The Callouses I Got From Sucking The Pelvic Bones of John Birch’s Skeleton” Malkin, deserve a Back-to School address as well.
Fear not, my irrational, birther nation…I, Matt-Man, shall address your child. So gather them ‘round the computer and allow me to send them back to school with an inspiring message that is not a bunch of socialist, Obama drivel.
Hi Kids…Matt-Man, here.
I don’t care if you are kindergartener or a Senior in High School, life can be fraught with challenges and difficulties. Get used to it. Life is often arduous and for many of you, it will overwhelm you to the point where you need to rely on drugs and alcohol.
That’s okay, I can tell you…it’s not that bad of a way to go through life.
You can study as hard as you want…however, some of you may very well not “make it” in life.
In fact, most of you won’t. That’s the breaks. Sure, some of you may become doctors, lawyers, and entrepreneurs, but since Obama is hell bent on destroying our country, does it really matter?
And for those of you who think if you study really hard you could become President someday? Ha.
Your mom must have been drinking vodka and smoking crack while she was pregnant with you, because you’ve got no chance of that happening.
The only way any of you will have anything remotely in common with the Oval Office is if you happen to be a male student named, Dwight House.
Jeebus Christ kids…if your mom and dad have kept you from viewing the Obama message they have done you a big favor.
They, along with folks like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and Laura Ingraham are well aware that President Obama has screwed this country, turned it into a socialist state, and now like a pied piper is asking you to join him.
Youth of America!! Do NOT be fooled. Obama wants you to become part of his diabolical, Marxist-Muslim movement that may involve many of you being forced to participate in a ritual of testicle shaving and being commanded to eat food prepared by a British chef. Bastard.
Kids…your parents have already shown you that there is no need for critical thinking. Hell, critical thinking leads to problems.
You may not know this, but do you know how Mad Cow Disease got started? A mindless, herd following cow decided to think for his own bovine self. What did it get him?
He went fucking mad, and then ruined all of our beef…that delicious beef that us like minded folks just eat up. So…
Don’t try hard…Don’t study…Don’t think. If you do? Your mom, dad, and Glenn Beck will cry. We don’t want that do we?
Of course not…And, that’s my message to you. Now get out there and have the most unproductive school year you have ever had!!
Cheers!!
I’m off on Thursdays. And, that affords me the opportunity to watch opinion shows that I don’t normally watch.
First up on my “get to watch” list was Glenn Beck…HA…What a fucking toad.
Did you know, that according to Glenn Beck, President Obama wants to create a civilian national security force which will unarm us from our liberties?
Yes, Obama said that he wanted a national security force once, but he also said, "…the future of our nation depends on the soldier at Fort Carson, but it also depends on the teacher in East LA, the nurse in Appalachia, the after-school worker in New Orleans..."
Beck went on to say that AmeriCorps is Obama’s way to actualize his means…Beck, upon saying this, while coming close to crying, managed to hold back the reservoir of tears.
I managed to maintain my non-crying state by thinking…
Don’t we already have a civilian military force called the National Guard?
What a fucking freak show this guy is. The sad thing is…there are more than a few people who take him seriously. I don’t think Beck takes himself seriously, but if he does?
Holy Shit…I should give up everything in which I believe, and just rail against facts haphazardly. I could be as rich as Beck, and trust me, I would shed no tears. Beck tears , crocodile tears or otherwise.
I’d be laughing…as I’m sure, Beck is at this moment, as he stocks his Mormon food pantry with prime rib, filet mignon, and roe.
Then, Bitches…I got to watch Laura Ingraham as she sat in for Bill O’Reilly. I know that it is not politically correct to make fun of cancer survivors, but…well…fuck her….She’s a bitch, and I think she’s gay.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Ingraham has been “nearly” married many times, and yet she is unmarried.
Last night she was taken apart by one of her guests, a Brzezinski no less, and while I watched and wanted to bite her in a sexual way on her ample nose, I also wanted to punch her in the face at the same time. Man, what a dilemma.
Hell, even Alan Colmes…Alan Colmes of all people, put her in the basement last night!! Colmes couldn’t win an anti-death penalty argument with a guy eating chicken wings prior to his frying in the electric chair.
I used to like Laura Ingraham, but she has become a freak in order to keep up with Anthrax Coulter and Michelle “Jeebus Curing a Leper is Socialized Medicine” Malkin.
Holy crap, the Laura bitch is against Obama asking for September 11th to become a National Day of Service. WTF? Hey Bone-headed Bitch, are you against people helping their neighbors out?
And listen folks…If you think my breast cancer comment is out of line, bring it on…Ingraham has no clothes on this one.
She's a cunt…
Cheers!!
A lovely Saturday here in Bagwine, Ohio…
Today marks the last in a series of Birthdays that have taken place this week.
It’s been a Bagwine Birthday-O-Rama, hasn’t it? Holy Baby Jeebus!!
Today marks the ex’s B-day.
I will be going out quite early this morning to fetch a card, some donuts, and a present for Ryno to give to his mom today.
Why do I do that for the ex? Because it’s the right thing to do, it makes Ryno happy, and it’s good for the little man to witness.
On top of that, I am just a helluva nice guy, and that’s how I roll.
And well…She does the same thing on my birthday. It’s not like we hate each other any longer…most of the time, anyway.
Sometime today, we will find out who Barack Obama’s running mate is. Are you excited? Of course you are.
Talk about exciting…I was invited to attend the Democratic National Convention and just “hang out.” I declined, for two reasons.
Number one, I am running for President myself. Number two, and more importantly, I will be hanging out at the Republican National Convention in September.
The reason is obvious…Conservative women are in more of a dire need to have some hot Matt-Man. They need to loosen up and lose their suburban angst, cast off the yoke of repressed sexual desires, and involve themselves in liberal doses of my nakedness.
It will be kinda fun giving the high hard one to such notable Conservatives such as Laura Ingraham and Monica Crowley. Purrrrrrrr.
And what the hell, because I am so giving and selfless, I’ll even get it on with Anthrax Coulter.
Don’t worry guys, I’ll use a strap-on and spread shellac on my tongue when doing her. I refuse to allow my Matt-Meat or my ankyloglossia to come in actual contact with Coulter’s toxic, vaginal walls of hate and loneliness.
I may even win over a few converts to my candidacy with my dork and my tongue. Move over, “Rock the Vote”, I‘m going to, “Lick the Vote.” Matt-Man: Muff Divin’ for ‘Merica!!Oh and by the way...Kat and Dana? Since both of you are Republican leaning women, I would be happy to include both of you in my initiative. Please?
Well, that’s all I got…that’s all there is…there isn’t anymore.
I may pop in again today to chime in on Obama’s VP pick, but that is contingent on me being sober enough to type.
Have a great Saturday, all.Cheers!!P.S. Here's to Obama's VP candidate pick, Sen. Joe Biden. The smartest, most brutally honest, and down to Earth SOB on Capitol Hill. Joe, you rock!!
I have read the speech text. It is shocking. Obama implores the students to work hard, never give up, overcome difficulties, and study, study, study.
And for those of you who think if you study really hard you could become President someday? Ha.
He went fucking mad, and then ruined all of our beef…that delicious beef that us like minded folks just eat up. So…
