Purina, Chef Michael's Canine Creations, and Fancy Feast Cat Appetizers: Turning Pets Into People

As one who finds well done TV commercials to be the best television on television, I pay attention to new ads religiously.

I found a couple of new TV commercials to be disturbing. I don’t find the way the ads are done to be disturbing, but rather, the products themselves.

Beneful Dog Food, Chef Michaels’s Canine Creations, and Fancy Feast Appetizers for Cats, all of which are produced by Purina, have left me scratching my ginormous head.

The Beneful comes in dry and “prepared” meals for dogs, one of which is a Roasted Turkey Medley that contains corn, wild rice, peas, and barley. Do dogs really crave barley and rice?

Even more troubling are Chef Michaels’ Canine Creations…Now baby, that commercial does weird me out.

There’s a guy in the kitchen talking to his mop looking dog saying something like, “You’re a special, special dog and you deserve a special meal.”

Ewwwwww, the soft, loving tone of the dude’s voice makes it sound like he’s going to do it doggy style with the mutt after she eats her super special “chef prepared” meal.

That specific thought I get when I hear him is confirmed when he says lovingly, “You’re right girl; It’s a beef stew kinda night.” Urp.

One of the meals that “Chef Michael” has prepared for your special dog is, Filet Mignon with Peas and Carrots. WTF? Peas and Carrots? For a dog?

When I owned my house that is now simply a place that I go to in order to visit Ryno, I had a garden. I grew vegetables, and among them were peas and carrots.

There were many dogs in the neighborhood, and I don’t remember any dogs ravishing my crop of peas and carrots, unless of course, there was a rabbit in the garden and they wanted to eat him.

Call me crazy, but I don’t think dogs are big vegetable eaters. The only acceptable reason to feed them peas and carrots is if you own two dogs and their names are, Forrest and Jenny.

Some marketing genius at Purina Pet Foods, discovered that many pet owners are gullible enough to think that their special canine family member needs vegetables just like the doting owner.

Freaks, why don’t you buy your bow wow a gallon of V-8 when you go to the grocery as well.

Another stroke of marketing genius by Purina includes, Fancy Feast Appetizers for Cats…or as I call them, Catppetizers.

As the pictures says, “…an entirely new way to celebrate the moment.”

What the hell kind of “special moments” does one have with their cat? Did the cat win the Nobel Prize? Did the owner and the cat just finish watching Schindler’s List and they’re all verklempt?

It’s a fucking cat people!! They don’t need appetizers!!

The only cat appetizer that makes sense to me is if one takes a big meaty Maine Coon Cat, cuts it up into bite size pieces, deep fries it, and serves it alongside a spicy sauce. Now that’s a cat appetizer. Yum!!

I do love our cat Corky, but the only appetizer she gets is when I put a little milk and catnip on my balls.

Well, I guess that’s more of an appetizer for me, so forget I mentioned that. Please…forget that I mentioned that. Please?

Anyhoo…Am I the only one who thinks these products are goofy? Please tell me that I’m not.

And now, a 16 second video of a product that will revolutionize communications. Ladies and Gentlemen, my boss has eschewed the Blue Tooth Headset phone…Why? Because size matters. Enjoy…

You know what’s cool? Yesterday, while invoking Plato and Plutarch, I founded a new political movement, and today?

I am talking about pet food, cat sex, and airing a short video of my boss and owner of the best Beer Mine in Bagwine with a cell phone on his ear.

Holy Cow!! Am I one eclectic son of a bitch or what?

Cheers!!