Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Beck, Maddow, Hannity, and Followers Thereof...The Speleology Coalition Is Going To Stick The Stalagmite of Common Sense Up Your Ass

Over the past few days and weeks, I have been taking shots at Glenn Beck, Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, Sean Hannity, Tea Party protestors, and those who watch them in order to determine what they should think.

I announced on Thursday September 10th, that I had had enough with these dullards and was determined to form an effective third political party.

My desire was to form a group that could counteract the stupidity that flows from the minds and mouths of the aforementioned morons.

I am still in the process of putting this idea into an entity of tangibility, but I have made progress. I have come up with the name of this political movement, and our basic purpose…

The Speleology Coalition.

“Matt-Man,” you ask, “what the hell is speleology?”

Speleology is the study of caves…and why have I named this movement after the study of caves?

Sure, some of you who have known me for awhile, may think it refers to a perverted desire of mine to be a caveman who engages in sex with hot Neanderthal chicks who, instead of having language capabilities and the ability to talk back, can only grunt.

As appealing as it would be to have sex with a chick who is unable complain, that is not the reason.

No my friends (and critics), my reason for choosing, The Speleology Coalition refers to the Allegory of the Cave set forth by Plato in Book VII of his epic work, The Republic.

No, I have not lost my mind, so stay with me…

In the Allegory of the Cave, Plato, who is writing in the persona of Socrates, describes a hypothetical situation in which people since childhood have been held prisoner in a cave.

Their arms and legs shackled; their heads stationary, gazing at a wall, they are forced to watch shadows of animals, humans and other material things being cast upon the cave wall through the cooperation of a blazing fire and people walking behind them.

To the prisoners, the shadows and accompanying noises and voices they hear, are to them, what comprises the “real world”.

To the incarcerated, the beclouded specters and muddled voices combine in concert to compose what is the, Symphony of the Real World in B Flat.

In 2009, Plato’s Cave Allegory is being put into practice. Millions of Americans are shackled to their couches watching the shadows of ignorance and unyielding ideology being played out on TV, while in the caves of their homes.

Millions more hear the muddled voices while in their cars as they listen to talk radio.

They are prisoners to a marionette show put on by self-aggrandizing, puffed up puppet masters who are pulling the strings of fear, intellectual incapacity, and herd mentality.

This modern day, cave staged, Punch and Judy show, and the ensuing, go along-get along attitude towards it from the audience, is what feeds the lack of non-thinking realism to many, and gives this movement its purpose.

It is up to us as members of this organization to lead prisoners from their cave of shadows and fear.

It’s time to let the light of common sense and heated, yet respectful debate between those who agree and disagree, shine as a rainbow of humanity's evolution through the prism of informed personal discernment and social debate.

The 21st Century cave dwellers of whom I speak, need to realize something, and realize it quickly, lest we all lose...

In the words of Plato’s fellow Greek, Plutarch:

“I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.”

Glenn Beck, Rachel Maddow, Birthers, Truthers, Tea Baggers, et al., have become shadows of each other. A shadow does not think for itself. It follows blindly. But…

When light is shone from a point that has no angle one way or the other, and is straight up, a shadow dissipates, and a person is left with only him or herself.

It is at that point when actions and thoughts are the sole responsibility of the person in question.

It is also at that point, that no matter how painful and unfamiliar that intellectual soliloquy may be, a person must think for him or herself, and climb out of the cave.

Shining that light and being a catalyst for others in order to make that metamorphosis happen, is the purpose of this movement.

And for his wisdom, which is as ancient as the scorpion, I thank Plato.


Unlike Plato, I am not calling for Philosopher Kings. I am calling for Philosopher Citizens.

I hope you join The Speleology Coalition and along with me, become a Spelunker.



David said...

I was intrigued with the possibility of becoming a Spelunker up until you reached the point of potentially putting a stalagmite up my proverbial ass.

A sodomizing stalagmite is hardly the symbology I expected of the next great political party of America.

Matt-Man said...

David: I think it's a great visual, especially when said pointed, crystal development is going up a stupid person's ass...Not Yours. Cheers David!!

katherine. said...

by Trevanian

Matt-Man said...

Kat: Yeah to an extent...But if people are too subtle, it leaves a void...Voids are often filled with bad things.

I agree in principle but I don't trust others to fill and/or complement another's subtle goodness and or talent with goodness. Cheers Kat!!

Jay said...

Speleology? Really? Why don't you just name us the "Nerd Party." ;-)

Well at least we don't have to worry about the 9/11 Truthers or Tea Party people joining. They don't join any group that they can't pronounce the name of.

cathy said...

Lovely allegory!

Most people are cave dwellers by nature though and will not thank you for shining any kind of light on them.


Scott Oglesby said...

Another well thought out and intelligent commentary. As a matter of fact, a so thought out argument as to make one wonder if you are not some Dennis Miller-esqe professor at Yale or Harvard. Ohio huh? Hmm. At any rate I will join the Speleoloy Coalition with checkbook and laptop in tow. I’d follow you into hell Matt-Man. ….Well maybe not hell, but you know what I mean.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha. Just because we are a thoughtful lot doesn't mean we have to be nerds. After all, caves are great places to hold parties. Cheers Jay!!

Cathy: Thanks Cathy and you came to mind when I wrote this. Anytime I hear Greece or Greeks mentioned I think of you. Hope things are wll. Cheers Cathy!!

Scott: A Miller-esque professor, eh? Cha Cha. I'm but a mere servant for common sense and sarcasm. Wonderful to have you aboard and I am so glad that you're back amongst the living, Scott. Cheers!!

Dianne said...

I have a big ass flashlight and I'm ready!

spelunk me baby

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Pass me my miner's hat, baby; I'm comin' in. Cheers Sexy!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...will the spokesmen be those two guys from the Geico commercials?..

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ya know...I take the time to put some thought into a post...to be serious, and what do you do? You make god damn cave man jokes.

That's why I love you.

Cheers P-Man!!

Dana said...

It's been far too long since I spelunked. In fact, just the other day I was thinking to myself, "A good spelunking is all I really need!"

Sign me up!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: I have always thought that if I come across a nice looking hole, that spelunking is a must!! Cheers Dana!!

Clay Perry said...

calling for people to think for themselves? you've killed the party before its begun... LOLOL

i enjoyed watching the protests, and here's why..

all of the labels tossed at obama have been tossed at presidents throughout history, a zealot is a zealot regardless of which side of the aisle they choose to sit on. a loud zealot is worse, and an ignorant zealot is downright disturbing. i do not like obama, not because he's a black nazi, socialist, or whatever statist label is thrown at him.. i dont like the guy because he spends tax money, like they all do. so i dont like any of them. keep things going, but give us a damn break, at least try to show some responsibility. none of them have & its getting worse. set us free! cut us loose! let us do what we can to survive and thrive! thats why i liked watching it, at least some of these people were saying things like this, instead of just protesting for the fashion of it.

we dont succeed because of government, we succeed in spite of it.

Matt-Man said...

Clay: Are you saying that my goal of having people think on their own is a reach? I am shocked!! Or not...

As for Obama...I like the guy. I I think he is thoughtful and yet more ambitious than the average American, and his Democratic "allies" in Congress have become the albatross that wraps around his neck.

As I have stated before, he should have focused on one thing at a time, fixed it, and then moved on. He wants it all now, and Americans do not have a stomach for a huge amount of change and an exorbitant price tag all at once.

I do have one disagreement with your comment. Americans cannot be cut completely loose. You know why?

There is a large minority of Americans who are fucking stupid. They need government control.

Example...When our cable remote was no longer working, Schmoop called Time Warner.

The first question that the chick on the phone asked her was, "Did you try new batteries?"

Of course we had, and to you, Schmoop, and I, that was stuid question on the rep's part, however...

How many times do you think that when the TW chick asked the person on the other end of the line had they done that, the response was:

"Gee, I just thought that when I got the remote, it would last forever. Heyyyyy new batteries make a big difference."

Cheers Clay!!

Desert Rat said...

Dude, you are so very erudite. Pic for you on FB. Cheers!

Desert Rat said...

BTW, those miner's hats are often called "Geordies."

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Hee Hee. That's the first time I have ever been called erudite. Geordies...got it, and I saw the picture...I dug it. Cheers Rat!!

Starrlight said...

You left out the part where he posits that the prisoner freed from the cave and brought to the surface will inherently believe what he sees is false. Plato does think man would assimilate and learn to accept the sunlight and the world of forms as reality over shadows. But that implies the cave is not there for him to run back to out of fright.

The cave ain't going anywere. More's the pity. It's human nature.

Even religious beliefs could be said to the act of believe in shadows rather than concrete forms.

Excellent post. Had not thought about the whole Cave, sunlight theory or the ever popular divided line in a long time =)

Matt-Man said...

Starr: The freed man ultimately, according to Plato, becomes happier by finding absolute truth. Thanks : ) Cheers Starr!!