With all of the talk going on about Rio de Janeiro winning the bid to host the 2016 Summer Olympics, it started me thinking about Olympics in general.
There are of course, the Winter and Summer Olympics for world class athletes.
We have the Special Olympics for those who are mentally challenged. I still think they should add some new events to the Special Olympics, in order to spice things up.
How about, The Short Bus Pull?
Harness a short bus to the backs of participants and see who can pull it the furthest. And to make things even more exciting, they wouldn’t be allowed to wear safety helmets while pulling the slobber van.
I think the 100 Meter Dash While Carrying Scissors would be pretty cool as well.
Of course, there is a Senior Olympics also.
It’s called the National Senior Games. I think the Used Depends Toss would be a cool addition. An event to see who could get “those damn kids off the front lawn” the fastest would be pretty hip, too.
I think one group that would truly benefit from their Olympics would be midgets. Damn straight, The Midget Olympics, folks.
I think I’m on to something here.
While many, including myself, have an aversion to midgets, I think The Midget Olympics would draw a huge audience, and give those diminutive freaks the opportunity to become more human in the eyes of assholes like myself.
Midget Boxing…Midget Basketball…Midget Water Polo…Midget Pole Vaulting. Holy Cow!! That would be a riot.
Can you imagine the hilarity that would ensue from Midget Pole Vaulting?
Watching a midget with little, midget legs scurrying down the run, hitting his mark, and vaulting himself over a bar would be a hoot.
Ha…It would look like a hairy walnut being shot from a fucking catapult.
The Midget Olympics could have events such as the Low Jump…the Short Jump…and team events like Synchronized Creepiness.
Hell, let’s add some irony to the games and have the midget athletes compete in dwarf tossing.
After all, midgets have long resented dwarfs. It all began when they were passed over in favor of dwarfs in the tale of Snow White.
Unlike the traditional Olympics which typically run the Marathon as its last event, they’d have to start the Midget Marathon as soon as the Midget Olympic Candle was lit.
Those little folks would need every bit of the three week ceremony to run the 26 miles.
There you have it folks, my idea as to how to give midgets a little bit of respect, and give sport loving folks like myself a new and exciting outlet in which to live vicariously.
Hell, if someone sets this thing up, I’ll even volunteer to help out at The Midget Olympics. I’ll stand at the podium and lift each midget medal winner on to his or her spot.