With all of the talk going on about Rio de Janeiro winning the bid to host the 2016 Summer Olympics, it started me thinking about Olympics in general.
There are of course, the Winter and Summer Olympics for world class athletes.
We have the Special Olympics for those who are mentally challenged. I still think they should add some new events to the Special Olympics, in order to spice things up.
How about, The Short Bus Pull?
Harness a short bus to the backs of participants and see who can pull it the furthest. And to make things even more exciting, they wouldn’t be allowed to wear safety helmets while pulling the slobber van.
I think the 100 Meter Dash While Carrying Scissors would be pretty cool as well.
Of course, there is a Senior Olympics also.
It’s called the National Senior Games. I think the Used Depends Toss would be a cool addition. An event to see who could get “those damn kids off the front lawn” the fastest would be pretty hip, too.
I think one group that would truly benefit from their Olympics would be midgets. Damn straight, The Midget Olympics, folks.
I think I’m on to something here.
While many, including myself, have an aversion to midgets, I think The Midget Olympics would draw a huge audience, and give those diminutive freaks the opportunity to become more human in the eyes of assholes like myself.
Midget Boxing…Midget Basketball…Midget Water Polo…Midget Pole Vaulting. Holy Cow!! That would be a riot.
Can you imagine the hilarity that would ensue from Midget Pole Vaulting?
Watching a midget with little, midget legs scurrying down the run, hitting his mark, and vaulting himself over a bar would be a hoot.
Ha…It would look like a hairy walnut being shot from a fucking catapult.
The Midget Olympics could have events such as the Low Jump…the Short Jump…and team events like Synchronized Creepiness.
Hell, let’s add some irony to the games and have the midget athletes compete in dwarf tossing. After all, midgets have long resented dwarfs. It all began when they were passed over in favor of dwarfs in the tale of Snow White.
Unlike the traditional Olympics which typically run the Marathon as its last event, they’d have to start the Midget Marathon as soon as the Midget Olympic Candle was lit. Those little folks would need every bit of the three week ceremony to run the 26 miles.
There you have it folks, my idea as to how to give midgets a little bit of respect, and give sport loving folks like myself a new and exciting outlet in which to live vicariously.
Hell, if someone sets this thing up, I’ll even volunteer to help out at The Midget Olympics. I’ll stand at the podium and lift each midget medal winner on to his or her spot.
Cheers!!
I don't understand why Chicago wasn't chosen.
Cheers!!
Here's at least one good reason as to why the 2016 Summer Olympics should be held in Rio de Janeiro...
Okay, maybe this picture contains more than one good reason to hold the Olympics in Rio.
Damn right folks...I'm phoning it in today; my mind is smoked!!
Cheers!!
We are in the middle of a Health Care Reform and economic crisis folks and what does President Obama plan on doing about it?
Hopping aboard Air Force One and flying off to wonderful, wonderful, Copenhagen…Yep, his wife Michelle is already in Denmark, and the President will be flying there tonight.
Why is President Obama traipsing off to the land of Hans Christian Andersen, Heidi Zadeh, and Havarti?
He is trying to influence the International Olympic Committee in their decision as to what city will host the 2016 Summer Olympics.
The Obamas are trying to rally support and votes from the IOC in hopes that Chicago will be chosen to be that host city.
I dig that…but others? Not so much.
Loons on right wing talk radio and cable are going nuts. House GOP Leader John Boehner (R-OH) and GOP Chairman Michael “Distempered” Steele are saying President Obama should stay in Washington, D.C. and focus on more pressing problems, such as Health Care Reform and jobs.
Steele, Boehner, and right wing talking heads? Get off your podium of stupid and please restrain yourselves from trying to make political gold out of an also-ran issue. Seriously…you look stupid.
If Obama can help bring the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chicago, U.S.A., what the hell is wrong with that? Hello? Anyone, Anyone? Bueller?
I really don’t think Obama going to wonderful, wonderful, Copenhagen is going to make or break any progress on any Health Care Reform or job creation plan that Steele or Boehner really don’t give a shit about anyway.
And listen…It’s 2009 and not 1901, and Obama is not William McKinley. In this day and age, we have planes and everything. Yes we do, fellas!!
It’s not as though it’s late July 1901 and Obama is President McKinley hopping aboard the ocean liner, Fürst Bismarck. And then, as McKinley would have, steam to Hamburg in order to address the IOC in hopes of bringing the 1912 Olympics to Buffalo.
After meeting with the IOC, McKinley then would have to steam back to the States, hop on a train, and arrive in Buffalo a month after his departure on September 6th, 1901.
Of course McKinley would have to break the news to hopeful Buffalonians that the IOC had awarded the 1912 Olympics to Stockholm.
Of course upon hearing the bad news, Leon Czolgosz would be so depressed that he would shoot McKinley twice at point blank range, and McKinley would die eight days later. You see…
Czolgosz was not only an Anarchist, he was a world class triple jumper, but with the news, his Olympic hopes were forever dashed. He would then take his depression out on McKinley in the form of hot lead. Perhaps ol' Leon should have entered a shooting event.
Fortunately, that is not how it is today…Obama is going to be gone about 24 hours…if that. He has a plane, computers, and other nifty gadgets. Yes he does, fellas!!
He will only be out of town for a few hours and after that, Boehner, Steele, and his ilk can go back to doing nothing while Obama is in town, rather than whining while he is out of town.
If Obama can help bring the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chi-Town, what the hell is the problem with that? Jeebus Christ ya phony fucks. Quit makin’ an issue out of it.
Oh…one word to President O-Man. If you get a chance, my man, look up Heidi Zadeh and ask her the following for me…
"Kan vi få nøgen?"
Thank you Mr. President, and...
Cheers!!
How about, The Short Bus Pull?
Can you imagine the hilarity that would ensue from Midget Pole Vaulting?
