Sunday, October 04, 2009

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Fantasy Football and Programming Notes

It’s going to be a Partly Cloudy, Cool and, Breezy Sabbath in Bagwine today.

I of course, will be minding the Beer Mine today from 11-7, ensuring that football fans everywhere will have plenty of beer and smokes on hand while cussing at their TV.

Just consider me, a Social Worker.

Speaking of football…

That Cynical Bastard hizzelf, Jay, will be in pedophile football heaven today as his 1-2 Stalkers try to manhandle my boyishly sexy 2-1 Jonas Brothers in the Open Bar League over at ESPN Fantasy Football.

Jay’s team has a deadly receiving corps and is using the Bengals defense who are playing the hapless Cleveland Browns, so he has a leg up on my Jonas Brothers…which I am sure excites his sick self to no end.

My only hope is that one of my running backs, Pierre “Thick as a Brick” Thomas and my quarterback, Peyton Is He Manning Enough have big games today.

C’mon Jonas Brothers, put that pervert back into his dark, dark place!!

After work, I am going to go see Ryan for a few. After I give him a week ahead pep talk, it is back here to tip a few, watch the late game, and type up some Bagwine magic for tomorrow.

My selflessness is never-ending, and what do I get in return? You got it…Heartache. But, I continue to give, and shall.

I am a little sad this morning. I am watching my favorite FOX babe, Alisyn Camerota of Fox and Friends weekend as I type this, and Alisyn is wearing a dress that shows far too little.

I always count on her for a little Sunday morning wood, but alas, my phallus remains flaccid. Bummer. That’s okay, my love for her remains firm and steadfast.

I love you, Allie!!

Anyhoo…Before I leave you today, I have a programming note in regards to the content of what you will be seeing on Bagwine Ruminations.

Beginning tomorrow and continuing for the next three or four weeks, my daily commentary will be concentrating on political and social issues.

I know these topics do not thrill some of you, but it is something I have to do for awhile in hopes of accomplishing something that is uber-important to me.

I promise to try to make these upcoming posts amusing, but I just ask you to bear with me on the topics I will be addressing over the next month or so.

Amen, and Amen.

Have a wonderful Sunday, all. And of course, as always…



Micky-T said...

Oh well! We'll just have to suck it up and take whatever it is you'll throw our way.

We're selfless like that.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: That's nice. You're cool like that. Cheers Mick!!

Micky-T said...

Any attitude adjustment from Ryno after you dumped the advise of strangers on him?
Something like this just might be a catalyst for him to reach out to the dregs and homeless of the city.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Kindness and Charity have never been attributes that he has lacked. I just decided to stop by on Sundays after work whether he has homeowrk or not and build upon on the advice and...threats. Cheers Mick!!

Cheesy said...

Sorry about the failed wood.. I have extra in the barn if needed/// :o)

Matt-Man said...

Cheesy: Ha. You have never failed to supply me with the wood that I need. Cheers Cheesy!!

Jay said...

The Stalkers are not turned on in any way by the Jonas Brothers. The Stalkers aren't Catholic Priests, after all. ;-)

While my receivers are looking strong, everyone else is looking weak. Could be a long day for The Stalkers.

Starrlight said...

I had way too much to drink last night to tolerate any Jo Bro references :P

Scott Oglesby said...

Ah, I miss fantasy football, and for that matter watching football, among many, many other things. Being that I can’t watch Fox or any other news, you have been the first to introduce me to lovely Alisyn. I believe it was a couple of weeks ago. While she is pleasing to the eye, I can’t ever seem to read her name without picturing the world’s worst cameltoe on a 300lb Mexican woman wearing tight polyester. You don’t have that image in your mind now, do you? I hope not.

I’m down with the political and social commentary. Now I have Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Matt-Man to call on for my current events needs!

Micky-T said...

You googled it didn't you Scott...

Robin F. said...

Ahhh...speaking of football...I actually watched the game and found some enjoyment in it. My poor Lions had a good first half but lost their momentum. Now yesterday's Notre Dame game.. was awesome! What a difference in college and pro ball. I can't bring myself to discuss Michigan's loss to Cow U. Wahhh. Speaking of morning wood.. if I HAD a penis that Fox chick wouldn't do it for me.. but that Brazilian babe... woah.. I'd do her...LOL I am as usual looking forward to social and political commentary with your unusually witty twist thrown in for good measure. Rock On Matt!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Nothing you can say can alter my image of the hot Italian laying spread eagle on the floor as she screams, "This just in." Cheers Scott!!

Mick: You are disturbed. You know that, right? Cheers Mick!!

Robin: As much as I love ND, I can rarely watch them because when I do, they give me a heart attack and a temporary case of Tourette's Syndrome.

I shall try not to disappoint. Cheers Robin!!

Dana said...

You act like political and social issues are something new for you *wink*

I hope whatever it is you have in the hopper ... well ... hops!