Monday, October 19, 2009

Plugging Along With Pain

If you read yesterday's Bagwine post by the lovable Schmoop, you know that I am dealing with some type of right lung thing that is incredibly painful.

It really hurts when I bend, breathe deeply, and when I sit. That is why it is very hard to do anything at the computer. I can only sit a few minutes at a time.

Because of that, a writing deadline that comes Wednesday, and work, I will be around only sparsely until my day off on Thursday.

Until then, I will do some re-runs...Today's involves my longtime buddy, Joe. Or as some of you ancient Bagwine readers may know him as, Joe Hair Care.

As today is Joe's 45th birthday, I thought I would repost the following story about a couple of the fun times Joe and I shared at Bowling Green State University. Enjoy...

Hair Care Joe and I were near the end of the semester at BGSU. For most, the end of the semester is a time for focus, forethought, and finals.

For me…not so much. I worked very hard at enjoying the ENTIRE college experience, not just the drudgery of academia. It was, in my opinion, time to party.

Sure, there had been partying throughout the semester. The best outings were when we would go to a party off-campus at someone’s house or apartment, and the host had no clue who the hell we were.

We, of course had a right to be there, because of the obligatory, “Friend of a Friend of a Friend Party Law”.

Beer Bongs were big back then, and I became quite good at handling the receiving end of one. After a few of those, the fun would get underway.

We found it hilarious to pick up the host’s camera that was sitting on the kitchen table and proceed to take pictures of ourselves.

When said host had the film developed, he or she would have no idea who the hell the people in the pictures were.

One of our crew had a penchant for pilfering women’s nightgowns and dresses from their closets and wore them on Sundays as we watched football. He would always say, “They just feel right.”

This is the same guy who was hauled into the back of a paddy wagon during the busting up of a party.

You see, one night we were at a party that evidently drew noise complaints from the neighbors. When the cops arrived, our cohort in question was standing on the front porch with a good buzz going on.

He stated quite loudly, “Holy Crap, look at all the pigs!!” Just then, an officer emerged from the bushes and grabbed him by the arm and proceeded to escort him to the van.

Although drunk, our friend kept his quick wits about himself, and said, “C’mon occifer, I was talking about the women.”

He was ticketed for public drunkenness, and dropped off at Doyt L. Perry Stadium, better known in Bowling Green circles as “BFE”.

Now, allow me to get back to the semester ending blow out that Hair Care and I had. Joe seemed to be stressed of late, so I decided to ease his anxiety by showing him a Friday night of fun.

I asked him if he wanted to tie one on, and after threatening to mess his hair up, he graciously acquiesced.

We started by drinking some beer and Champagne Velvet in our room, while we listened to a
Flock of Seagulls crank out “Space Age Love Song” through my crappy stereo.

Our buddies Paul and Webb stopped by to imbibe with us. Good Times…Good Times.

With a nice state of inebriation developing, we proceeded to McDonald’s to prepare our stomachs for the forthcoming assault upon their linings.

After Joe ordered his food, I said to him, “Your money is no good tonight. I’m buying.”

I paid. We ate. We then rambled down to the bar district.

We hit every stinkin’ bar in the city. We drank pitchers here, pitchers there, with shots of 151 everywhere. Good Lord, Nero would have been proud of the way we debauched ourselves and an entire community.

Neither of us remembered how or when we got back to our dorm room, but it was evident the next morning that we had made it.

After shaking the grain fed fog from our heads, Joe said to me, “Man, that was a great time Matt. Thanks a lot.”

I said, "Aw Joe, you don’t have to thank me.”

With a look of appreciation upon his face, he replied, “I sure as hell do have to thank you. You bought the beer, bought my Big Mac, and paid for all of the drinks at the bar. Hell, you never have money. How did you manage that?”

I smiled, grabbed my towel, and as I walked by him on my way to the shower, I told him, “I sold your textbooks.”

Happy Birthday Joe!!

And to those of you who shall be nameless, who yesterday were excited to find that Schmoop would be seen more during my illness? Here's a picture of the uber-lovely Schmoop that demonstrates her flexibility...

I hope you enjoy the picture...and then I hope you choke on it, you traitorous bastards, you!!



3 Men and a Lady said...

Ah, college. I miss those days. I loved beer bongs, too.... they're so efficient.

Scott Oglesby said...

God damn I miss college. We used to do that with the camera’s too, but the pictures took were usually of the ass or junk variety. Good times indeed. I hope you feel better soon!

Micky-T said...

Sounds like that affliction has got you by the balls. Hope you can break the grip (gently of course).

Jay said...

I'm thinking that I should go back and do college again. There were some pretty wild times the first time around, so why wouldn't it be even more fun a second time? Besides, college chicks are hawt.

Hope your feeling better dude!

Phfrankie Bondo said...


Matt-Man said...

I'm gonna man up and offer the following:

Lady: Ha...I never thought of them as being efficinet, but you're right. Cheers Mrs. D!!

Scott: Thanks, and so do I. I am in PAIN. I'm thinking instead of a lung thing, it could be my gall bladder. Cheers Scott!!

Micky: This thing that I have is a wicked pissah. Cheers Mick!!

Jay: My freshman class at BGSU was 7:1, woment to men, and it was 4:1 overall. Even a dickhead like myself had no trouble gettng laid. Cheers Jay!!

Phfrankie: In addition...She's double jointed. Cheers P-Man!!

Marilyn said...

I used to step over a guy like you in a parking lot, walking to class.

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon and please stay away from my books.

Bond said...

Feel better...ummm go to the ER and find out what is wrong dude...

snugs said...

hot toddies..get well soon!

The Teamster said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Starrlight said...

I hope you are seeing a doctor.

Dice Mardell said...

I sure hope your

"lung fungus, swine flu, debilitating pleurisy type of thing" on your right side

clears up and you are
right as rain,
or left as Lithuania, soonest!

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh I remember it well. I like little girls...they make me feel so fine

Anonymous said...

My dreary tax life needed those I drink some wine. I think schmoop needs a small carton of milk, some cookies, and a tuck-in by the famous Puck; king of the nymphs.

Irene said...

I hope you get rid of whatever has got you in its grips and its not that swine flu thing.At least get some painkillers to get you through.Feel better.

David said...

>>>>One of our crew had a penchant for pilfering women’s nightgowns and dresses...wore them on Sundays as we watched football.

I just knew there would be some cross-dressing stories lurking in your repertoire somewhere. You seem very open-minded like that. I've had a friend with such interests as well.

katherine. said...

funny post.

lung problems?
[insert typical kat comment here]