Sunday, October 18, 2009

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Matt-Man Bites The Dust

Happy Sabbath Bitches!! This is Schmoop coming to you almost live over the internets.

In case you don’t know, I’m Matt-Man’s occasional sex partner (although not this week, if you know what I mean ladies) and BFF, LOL…

I’m typing this today because, well Matt-Man can’t. He seems to have developed some sort of lung fungus, swine flu, debilitating pleurisy type of thing in his right side.

This “thing” will not allow him to sit down for extended periods of time, and thus he is unable to type a post. So yea me!!

I’d like to call him a pussy, but knowing how much tolerance he has for pain, if he’s wasn’t truly hurting, I wouldn’t hear a peep out of him. In fact…

Let’s say if someone were to cut his left arm off; instead of moaning, whining, and crying, he would say…

“Well that’s unfortunate, and a little uncomfortable.”

So basically, he’s using me again. Seriously, it is kind of a big thing, and he doesn’t know how long he’ll be out of commission. I could be here all week!! Oh dear God, aren’t we all so lucky?

He will continue to go to work, like he is today, because the pain is not as bad when he’s standing up, and well there’s that whole child support thing.

However…

I don’t know when he’ll be able to sit down, and type again. I hope it’s soon, as I’m basically one lazy mother fucker, and like to lay around like a slug.


Especially when my basement is flooding, and I honestly don’t care if anyone gets hit by a bus.

In fact, I may get off the couch, and push you! Oh wait….too much effort, never mind.

So, to recap…Matt-Man is broken; he can’t sit to type, and my uterus hates me.

Amen, and Amen.

Although I hate to say this, because I find it annoying as fuck, I will end this post with what he does every time…

Cheers!! (Oh, how I loathe that!!)

14 comments:

Michele said...

Poor Matteo. I hope he's feeling better soon. Especially so you can go back to your usual couch sitting. About the uterus, it will get better than it finally stops. Something good yet hell while you are going through it. We'll talk later about upcoming events for you. You'll need to prepare those close to you, trust me.

Jay said...

Poor Matt, hemorrhoids are rough. Oh that isn't it? Well, you said he couldn't sit. ;-)

Seriously though hope Matt gets better fast. But, a few days of Schmoopalicious is nice too.

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...Hi Schmoop. Long time no internets. I like it when you're here onnacounta you're prettier than M2!...

Desert Rat said...

Oh, no! Sad to hear about Matt-Man's infirmity but always glad to hear from his (much) better half (shhh... don't tell him I said that, Schmoop!).

Hope you're both feeling better soon! I told my own uterus to fuck off years ago. (bye bye, uterus) ;-D

Marilyn said...

I hope he gets better soon, but it is nice to see you... also I hope that basement thing goes away on it's own. I hate flooded basements.

Fortunately for me I live where it almost never rains and I also don't have a basement, which is okay because we don't have tornadoes. In fact, if it wasn't for winter this wouldn't be a bad place to live.

Notice how I turned my sympathetic comment into one all about me? Oh well; sorry about that too.

Lu' said...

Now I worry... Kisses for the booboo, Matt's that is; sorry Schmoop

Scott Oglesby said...

It’s nice to kinda meet you Schmoop. I can’t wait to here some of the stories that he will not want you to tell. But if you’re writing the post, then you have creative freedom to embarrass him, and entertain us as you see fit!

Salute!!

Candice said...

Feel better soon Matt. Oh, and get your ass to the Dr if you haven't already.

Dana said...

Anyone who says cheers more than once a year has been broken for a long time!

Good to see you Schmoop!

Matt-Man said...

Thanks for the comments guys...Whatever I have really fucking blows, and it couldn't come at a worse time. Anyway, thanks and Cheers!!

Cheesy said...

Take care kiddos... You didn't break a rib did you Matt?

Matt-Man said...

Cheesy: NO, no rib this time. Confidence is high on that. Cheers cheesy!!

David said...

Schmoop - thanks for the update. MM - best wishes for a speedy recovery and, if I believed they helped, you would have my prayers as well.

katherine. said...

he is lucky to have you....need to catch up and see if he survivied