Monday, October 12, 2009

Rush Limbaugh Judges The 2010 Miss America Pageant: Bone Up My Beauties, He's Packin' Viagra!!

I am all a-twitter.

I don’t mean that I am constantly on Twitter, because anyone who knows me, knows that I put something on Twitter about as often as Michelle Duggar isn’t blowing another kid out of her magical vagina.

No folks…I am all a-twitter about the 2010 Miss America Pageant that will be held January 30th at Planet Hollywood Casino and Resort in Las Vegas.

I will be unable to go to Vegas to watch it in person, but Praise Jeebus, TLC (The Learning Channel) will be broadcasting it LIVE!!

I won’t miss a minute of the nubile beauties with Vaseline enhanced smiles and duct taped fun bags prancing around a glittery stage with their smooth, firm ass cheeks hangin’ out their thongs. It’s gonna be camel toe Heaven.

And to add to the beauty of this event? One of the judges for this great America tradition will be none other than..?

Rush Limbaugh!!

Yes sir-ree…

That mad about him, glad about him, thrice married and divorced, stinky, drip of taint sweat, Rush Limbaugh will be juiced up on OxyContin and Viagra and helping to determine which young woman best represents what is great about the American female.

Sure, some may scoff at this pick of inserting the controversial Conservative into the mix of something so good and wholesome as the Miss America Pageant, but I get it, bitches.

Donald Trump’s 2009 Miss USA contest proved that if you have a judge who is a walking, talking, self-loathing example as to why evolution is still just a theory such as Perez Hilton on the judges’ panel, you get big publicity.

Perez Hilton is off limits now, but the folks at the Miss America Organization have answered back with an equally big asshole in El Rushbo. God Bless Em’.

What is better than having a misogynistic, drug popping, self-inflated son of a bitch judging the inner (yeah, right) and outer beauty of America’s fairer sex? Nothing, dammit, unless the MAO was to add Roman Polanski and the ghost of Ike Turner to the panel as well. It makes for great TV!!

Perez Hilton may have asked God’s daughter and Miss California, Carrie Prejean the “shocking” question about gay marriage, but Rush can top that without breaking a fix deprived sweat.

I can hear Rush asking…

“Mizzzz Alabamuhhhhhh. If you were the interrogator at an American Islamo-Fascist detention facility, in order to get vital intelligence out of these Allah worshipping kooks would you use some touchy feely Liberal psycho-babble, or would you strap on a molten hot dildo and fuck em’ in their Muslim ass?”

This ought to be good, and I want to thank TLC for bringing the Miss America Pageant to us. They don’t call it The Learning Channel for nothing, and this type of show is crucial for the learnin’ of America.

I mean, look it…if TLC hadn’t begun airing 18 Kids and Counting featuring Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar would you be aware that it was possible for a chick’s “lady wallet” to spit out 18 (and now 19) withdrawals without penalty?

And on top of that, Trump’s Miss USA Pageant proved that these events are incredibly informative. After all my friends, until Carrie Prejean unleashed her divinely inspired words of wisdom, did you even know of the term “opposite marriage”?

Of course not.

Make a note. On January 30, 2010 you must watch the Miss America Pageant. Where else can you see, 53 hot chicks, 106 perfectly formed tits, and one major league asshole?

If only Russ Meyer was still around to produce this affair.

Cheers!!

14 comments:

Mrs. D said...

It pains me to say this, but I would rather it be Rush than Perez. I hizzate Perez, even more than Rush OR Bill O'.

Jay said...

So I guess these girls have gotten pretty used to creepy old men leering at them all the time, so officials don't think it will bother them for Rush to be there. I'm thinking Rush will raise the creepiness to a whole new level though.

Oh, and they need to make sure that Rush understands that he's not on a weekend trip to the Dominican or another country that is notorious for the flesh trade. After the girls parade in front of him, he doesn't pay the lady behind the bar and take one of them to a room in back.

Scott Oglesby said...

Well I guess that the entire east coat and west coast liberal elite are out of the competition already. They’d probably just put in a black or a Latino anyway, because as we all know “the pageant sponsors have been very desirous that a minority do well. They are already getting a lot of credit for work that they don’t really deserve. I mean they gave the presidency to Hussein oh……I mean Barry… oh, I mean Obama ha ha ditto ditto. Just like the black man to steal isn’t it………………” And on and on it will go. You’ll have to upload that shit for me, cause I’m not missing it either!

Matt-Man said...

Mrs. D: Eh, it's really not a big deal to me, but please don't think I was lumping Limbaugh in with Hilton.

Hilton is a talent-less freak show, while Rush is successful at being an asshole.

They do share a similarity however...Neither has sex with women. Hilton by choice, Limbaugh, because well, what woman would want to bang him. Cheers Mrs. D!!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: You make great points and you're right Rushbo needs to be reminded that for once the chicks parading their flesh in front of him want his vote, not a cash for twat exchange. Cheers Jay!!

Scott: The funny thing is people who never watch the damn pageant will be apalled by the choice of Limbaugh. You know...like me. However the people I mention, will be serious about it or at least serious about making money for their "worthy" cause by protesting. Cheers Scott!!

Lu' said...

Caint stands me a beauty pagent; mind numbing!

Matt-Man said...

Lu: I watch alot of political talk shows and find them to be mind numbing as well. If I had my choice, I'd rather experience my mind getting numbed while watching titties bounce up and down. Cheers Lu!!

Michele said...

I never watch the Miss America Pageant but will now have to make a point of it. Even though Rush makes me vomit more that a little. I always knew that cocktail of anti-nausea medicine Zanax and vodka would come in handy.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: As you should...This pageant will be an example of, "It's So Bad, It's Good" TV. Cheers Michele!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...you're dead-on right about the marketing aspect...and The Magical Vaginas would be a GREAT name for a band, dontchathink?...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha. Of course it would be. Hope you had a lovely weekend P-Man!! Cheers!!

Bond said...

See now this is another reason I will ensure i am doing anything but watching that POS show...putting that useless drip of cum on the judging panel is worse then leaving the POS useless drip of cum they fired on it.

Matt-Man said...

Bond: Well okay then. Cheers Vinny!!

Starrlight said...

Rush is a pig. And a destructive one at that. Give me a fat gossipy Latino fag any day of the week.