I am all a-twitter.
I don’t mean that I am constantly on Twitter, because anyone who knows me, knows that I put something on Twitter about as often as Michelle Duggar isn’t blowing another kid out of her magical vagina.
No folks…I am all a-twitter about the 2010 Miss America Pageant that will be held January 30th at Planet Hollywood Casino and Resort in Las Vegas.
I will be unable to go to Vegas to watch it in person, but Praise Jeebus, TLC (The Learning Channel) will be broadcasting it LIVE!!
I won’t miss a minute of the nubile beauties with Vaseline enhanced smiles and duct taped fun bags prancing around a glittery stage with their smooth, firm ass cheeks hangin’ out their thongs. It’s gonna be camel toe Heaven.
And to add to the beauty of this event? One of the judges for this great America tradition will be none other than..?
That mad about him, glad about him, thrice married and divorced, stinky, drip of taint sweat, Rush Limbaugh will be juiced up on OxyContin and Viagra and helping to determine which young woman best represents what is great about the American female.
Sure, some may scoff at this pick of inserting the controversial Conservative into the mix of something so good and wholesome as the Miss America Pageant, but I get it, bitches.
Donald Trump’s 2009 Miss USA contest proved that if you have a judge who is a walking, talking, self-loathing example as to why evolution is still just a theory such as Perez Hilton on the judges’ panel, you get big publicity.
Perez Hilton is off limits now, but the folks at the Miss America Organization have answered back with an equally big asshole in El Rushbo. God Bless Em’.
What is better than having a misogynistic, drug popping, self-inflated son of a bitch judging the inner (yeah, right) and outer beauty of America’s fairer sex? Nothing, dammit, unless the MAO was to add Roman Polanski and the ghost of Ike Turner to the panel as well. It makes for great TV!!
Perez Hilton may have asked God’s daughter and Miss California, Carrie Prejean the “shocking” question about gay marriage, but Rush can top that without breaking a fix deprived sweat.
I can hear Rush asking…
“Mizzzz Alabamuhhhhhh. If you were the interrogator at an American Islamo-Fascist detention facility, in order to get vital intelligence out of these Allah worshipping kooks would you use some touchy feely Liberal psycho-babble, or would you strap on a molten hot dildo and fuck em’ in their Muslim ass?”
This ought to be good, and I want to thank TLC for bringing the Miss America Pageant to us. They don’t call it The Learning Channel for nothing, and this type of show is crucial for the learnin’ of America.
I mean, look it…if TLC hadn’t begun airing 18 Kids and Counting featuring Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar would you be aware that it was possible for a chick’s “lady wallet” to spit out 18 (and now 19) withdrawals without penalty?
And on top of that, Trump’s Miss USA Pageant proved that these events are incredibly informative. After all my friends, until Carrie Prejean unleashed her divinely inspired words of wisdom, did you even know of the term “opposite marriage”?
Of course not.
Make a note. On January 30, 2010 you must watch the Miss America Pageant. Where else can you see, 53 hot chicks, 106 perfectly formed tits, and one major league asshole?
If only Russ Meyer was still around to produce this affair.