Carrie Prejean on Larry King Live: Signs of the Apocalypse

I wish I could have had this post up earlier but a rough night at work played havoc on my less than healthy body, but such is life.

Several things happened yesterday and more so last night that to me, appear to be signs of The Apocalypse.

Lou Dobbs, longtime CNN giant talking head resigned on air last night. What’s the big deal you ask? Lou Dobbs taking himself and his ego which is even bigger than his gigantic noggin off of TV goes against the grain of normalcy.

Lou leaving a medium which allows him to TIVO himself and continuously masturbate while listening to his drivel is like Sean “My Hair is Made of Formica” Hannity saying that he made a mistake.

D’oh…Wait a minute…

Hannity did just that last night. Jon Stewart pointed out on The Daily Show that Hannity showed video of thousands of people from Glenn Beck’s 9-12 protest while claiming it was the crowd gathered last week for Michele Bachman’s Anti-Health Care rally.

Holy Cow!! Hannity said that Stewart was right and apologized on air. WTF? I smell the Devil’s work at hand. After all…

You can’t spell Sean Hannity without S-A-T-A-N.

I heard yesterday that Ashlee Simpson will be playing Roxie Hart on Broadway in the musical Chicago. Ashlee Simpson on Broadway? Is Carrot Top’s debut next? Fortunately, she won’t be singing.

You see, even though the Devil is at work here, even the Prince of Darkness cannot bear to hear her butcher a fine musical score.

Another thing…On Larry King Live last night, Carrie Prejean took her mic off, and nearly walked out on an interview conducted by Larry.

Prejean said that Larry and his “hard hitting” questions were inappropriate, and she ripped off her microphone, and momentarily halted the interview.

When a young woman who is shielded in the armor of Christ is beaten down by a 288 year old man who sheds white spittle from the corners of his mouth and wears suspenders, I know that the end is nigh.

While pondering these events that led me to believe that the Apocalypse is approaching, I, trembling and sweating grabbed my Bible and began to pray to Jeebus. I said…

“Jeebus!! Please…In all of your goodness and glory show me a sign that the Earthly world has not completely turned upside down, and humanity will surely live for years to come.”

Seconds after my entreaty left my lips and had dissipated into the heavens, I received such a sign.

On my TV, appeared a breaking news report that in the Los Angeles airport, Mike Tyson had just punched a photographer in the face.

Normalcy had returned to the world. I sighed in relief, stretched out on the couch, and slumbered in peace.

Praise be to God.

Cheers!!

Desultory Thoughts on a Tuesday

Yesterday at approximately 7:45 A.M., I posted that my weight had dropped from 184 pounds to 174 pounds.

Well lo and behold, between 7:45 A.M. and arriving at my Doctor’s appt. at 9:30 A.M., I had miraculously gained six pounds. The nurse weighed me in at the office at 180.

Yes, the scale at the Bagwine digs is obviously weighing users six pounds less than they actually are. Ha. I had a smile on my face all day at work in anticipation of passing on this fact to Schmoop.

At 4:15 yesterday afternoon my smile became reality as I told her about this finding. She quickly went into an apoplectic fit.

Quickly, her concern over my “rapid and monumental“ weight loss transformed into shock over her instantaneous six pound weight gain.

I tried to soothe Schmoop by telling her that her 5’7” inch frame looked just as good lugging around a more generous and robust 136 pounds as it did while walking on air at a more svelte 130 pounds.

Oddly enough my words of comfort did not help…

Carrie Prejean’s book comes out today.

Yes folks, Still Standing by Carrie Prejean is there for the taking.

Appearing on Sean Hannity’s show while humping her book last night, she talked about the sex tape she had made that ultimately forced her to drop her lawsuit against the Miss California pageant officials.

Prejean told Hannity that she was a mere teenager when she made an Auto-Erotic video for a boyfriend for whom she truly loved and cared.

She knows now it was mistake and it is an embarrassment to her especially considering she is a self-professed follower of Christ.

I have a couple of questions…She said that she was a teenager when she made this tape. Was she an adult of 19 or a minor of say, 17?

Either way, it’s not good, and in one scenario is probably technically a case of disseminating child porn.

Maybe she would be better off if she said that she made the tape in order to honor God for supplying her with such a hot bod. She could re-title her book:

Masturbating for the Messiah: Carrie Prejean’s Road to Salvation and Self-Fulfillment.

Lastly…

A Maudlin Alert!! Tomorrow is Veteran’s Day in the U.S.A. The blogosphere will be alive with the sound of lip service and “impassioned” tributes to those who have served in our Armed Services.

In general, Veterans’ Day (and Memorial Day) posts make me wretch.

The majority of posts that pay homage to servicemen and women are no more than a series of blurbs that are empty, self-placating attempts of people to show how much they “care” about those in the military.

Why do people feel compelled to do this? Hell, do what the vast majority of Americans do and put a magnetic ribbon on the back of your car that reads, “I Support The Troops”. Now THAT is moving…literally.

A warning to all…tomorrow, after seeing, In Flanders Fields posted for the 38th time...

I am going to stick hot knitting needles in my eyes, plunge my head into a pot of boiling water, and smoke a pack of Basic Full Flavor until my right lung explodes and I die.

Maybe the death of one, can save the memory and the honest reverance of those who have served.

Cheers!!

Rush Limbaugh Judges The 2010 Miss America Pageant: Bone Up My Beauties, He's Packin' Viagra!!

I am all a-twitter.

I don’t mean that I am constantly on Twitter, because anyone who knows me, knows that I put something on Twitter about as often as Michelle Duggar isn’t blowing another kid out of her magical vagina.

No folks…I am all a-twitter about the 2010 Miss America Pageant that will be held January 30th at Planet Hollywood Casino and Resort in Las Vegas.

I will be unable to go to Vegas to watch it in person, but Praise Jeebus, TLC (The Learning Channel) will be broadcasting it LIVE!!

I won’t miss a minute of the nubile beauties with Vaseline enhanced smiles and duct taped fun bags prancing around a glittery stage with their smooth, firm ass cheeks hangin’ out their thongs. It’s gonna be camel toe Heaven.

And to add to the beauty of this event? One of the judges for this great America tradition will be none other than..?

Rush Limbaugh!!

Yes sir-ree…

That mad about him, glad about him, thrice married and divorced, stinky, drip of taint sweat, Rush Limbaugh will be juiced up on OxyContin and Viagra and helping to determine which young woman best represents what is great about the American female.

Sure, some may scoff at this pick of inserting the controversial Conservative into the mix of something so good and wholesome as the Miss America Pageant, but I get it, bitches.

Donald Trump’s 2009 Miss USA contest proved that if you have a judge who is a walking, talking, self-loathing example as to why evolution is still just a theory such as Perez Hilton on the judges’ panel, you get big publicity.

Perez Hilton is off limits now, but the folks at the Miss America Organization have answered back with an equally big asshole in El Rushbo. God Bless Em’.

What is better than having a misogynistic, drug popping, self-inflated son of a bitch judging the inner (yeah, right) and outer beauty of America’s fairer sex? Nothing, dammit, unless the MAO was to add Roman Polanski and the ghost of Ike Turner to the panel as well. It makes for great TV!!

Perez Hilton may have asked God’s daughter and Miss California, Carrie Prejean the “shocking” question about gay marriage, but Rush can top that without breaking a fix deprived sweat.

I can hear Rush asking…

“Mizzzz Alabamuhhhhhh. If you were the interrogator at an American Islamo-Fascist detention facility, in order to get vital intelligence out of these Allah worshipping kooks would you use some touchy feely Liberal psycho-babble, or would you strap on a molten hot dildo and fuck em’ in their Muslim ass?”

This ought to be good, and I want to thank TLC for bringing the Miss America Pageant to us. They don’t call it The Learning Channel for nothing, and this type of show is crucial for the learnin’ of America.

I mean, look it…if TLC hadn’t begun airing 18 Kids and Counting featuring Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar would you be aware that it was possible for a chick’s “lady wallet” to spit out 18 (and now 19) withdrawals without penalty?

And on top of that, Trump’s Miss USA Pageant proved that these events are incredibly informative. After all my friends, until Carrie Prejean unleashed her divinely inspired words of wisdom, did you even know of the term “opposite marriage”?

Of course not.

Make a note. On January 30, 2010 you must watch the Miss America Pageant. Where else can you see, 53 hot chicks, 106 perfectly formed tits, and one major league asshole?

If only Russ Meyer was still around to produce this affair.

Cheers!!

Carrie Prejean Suing For Religious Discrimination...I've Got A Better Idea

Carrie Prejean…

Dethroned former Miss California, former Miss U.S.A. Runner-Up, and now..?

One holy-rollin’, hot, litigious bitch…

She’s suing the Miss California Pageant organization (run by K2 Productions) for among other things, Religious Discrimination.

Now as Prejean is a chick who told a Republican group that losing her crown was in God’s plan, I can only assume that God has also advised her to sue Shanna Moakler, K2 Productions, et al. for their thievery of her crown…

Much like God obviously advised her to allow the Miss California Pageant officials to pay for her uber-successful breast implants prior to the Miss U.S.A. pageant.

Not only does God move in mysterious ways, he obviously digs Evangelical babes with perfectly formed fun bags.

Prejean is alleging that because of her anti-gay marriage stance and religious views, the title of Miss California was stripped from her. Those Godless bastards.

This hubbub all began back in April when Prejean stated during the Miss U.S.A. Pageant interview round that she believes in “opposite marriage” as opposed to same-sex marriage.

Her answer became a flashpoint of controversy after one of the pageant judges, the gay, talent-less fucktard, Perez Hilton went on a national rant.

Prejean says that her anti-gay marriage answer not only cost her the Miss U.S.A. crown but later, her title of Miss California as well.

Personally, I wouldn’t have lowered her score because of her marriage position, that’s her belief and so be it. I would have lowered her score for using the term, “opposite marriage”.

I would have thought to myself:

“Holy Cow, it’s such a shame that such a hot, full body is being kept alive and directed around by such an empty, empty head…No title for you, for putting a crown on that noggin would surely collapse its unsupported skull.”

Here’s the thing though…When one is being judged, don’t the judges bring their own prejudices, opinions, and ideas of what they want to see in a contestant to the judges’ table? Sure they do…

If I was a judge for one of these things, I would have an inclination to give a higher score to a chick who had dark hair, big tits, and could put complete sentences together.

If the judges didn’t like her answer and lowered her score because of it, that’s the way the tiara tumbles…and crying over it and suing over it, exposes Prejean to be more than what her nude photos showed her to be.

Carrie Prejean is an opportunist seeking celebrity, fame, and a huge payoff. The thing that turns her from a woman of physical beauty into a hideous human being is her hypocrisy.

She claims that her faith in God and the Holy Baby Jeebus has been her undoing. Nice try, Miss Hypocrite. You are not a follower of Biblical teachings, you are merely trying to use them as a catalyst for your advancement.

I don’t think God would appreciate your breast implants. They altered His image of you. He wouldn’t appreciate your nude photos. They were an affront to Him.

He wouldn’t appreciate His work being judged by idiotic dickheads like Perez Hilton in front of a national audience. That just flat pisses Him off.

You can’t have it both ways Miss Hypocrite, and you can’t get your crown back, but I do have a better idea on how to settle this issue while helping you to make amends with God Almighty…

Shut the fuck and up, and while you’re at it, give your breast implants back to the Miss California Pageant officials.

God would dig that.

Cheers!!