Friday, November 06, 2009

Michele Bachmann: Tea Bagging Her Way To Fame

The health care “debate” in spite of my thinking that it could sink no lower, has plummeted to a nadir that even nattering nabobs of negativism would be hard pressed to believe.

In fact, if I were to channel the ancient spirit of Spiro Agnew, he would probably react to this new line of “debate” by saying, “What the fuck?”

Yesterday, the semi-saucy and full on crazy Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) held a rally in Washington D.C.

Ms. Bachmann Pancake Turner Nosedive feels that any health care reform bill put forth by the Democrats is nothing more than a coup attempt by Communist pigs to convert our land of milk and honey into a trough of rotten beets and cheap vodka.

Okay, I exaggerated…Bachmann has no clue as to what the word “coup” means, but you get my point.

Bachmann helped to gather 4,000 or so tea baggers to Capitol Hill.

Angry and feeling as if they have no voice, these 4,000 people who traveled to D.C. upon the Federal Interstate Highway system, protected along the way by gasoline tax funded state troopers, and enjoying assembly security provided by the National Parks Department, shouted down the government.

These folks ripped up copies of Pelosi’s health care bill… a bill that even if they did have time to read, would be unable to read it. There’s all of those polysyllabic words and such after all.

Mary Beth Bishop of Colorado summed up the burning anger of the protestors by saying:

"We need to show up and uphold the Constitution. It wasn't written on toilet paper."

Very deep Mary Beth, but don’t assume…Times were tough in America when the Constitution was penned and it very well could have been written on toilet paper in order to save money. But I digress.

Speaking of the Constitution, fellow Ohioan and House Minority Leader John Boehner proudly waved a copy of the Constitution while quoting the Declaration of Independence and its holding of certain truths to be self-evident.

Simple mistake…Kinda like the time when the Apostle Matthew waved around the Magdalen Papyrus containing the teachings of the Beatitudes while speaking of the incestuous shenanigans of Lot and his daughters.

It’s understandable. Boehner probably has many a brain miscue due to absorbing far too many gamma rays during his far too frequent tanning bed sessions.

Of course, Bachmann did put a couple of deep thinkers into her program. She brought along thalidomide victim, Rep. Virginia “Matthew Shepard Being Killed Because He Was Gay Is a Hoax” Foxx (R-NC).

And of course in attendance were Jon Voight and John Ratzenberger (aka Cliff from Cheers) better known to those in high brow right wing circles as the Remus and Romulus of Conservative thought.

Seriously…I don’t get it. Other than the oddball guy who digs a middle aged chick who is in need of breast augmentation and a lobotomy reversal, who in the hell follows a nut job like Michele Bachmann?

Hell…Maybe it is I who is crazy. Perhaps I am some sort of anachronism that foolishly lives in an era when the thoughts of Paine, Jefferson, and Madison ruled the day.

I don’t know…All I know is that if Bachmann and those who follow her manage to gain influence over the direction of this country, we are in a world of hurt…

Not only because idiots like those will control the government, but there could very well end up being a remake of Dumb and Dumber starring Jon Voight and John Ratzenberger.

Cheers!!

22 comments:

Scott Oglesby said...

Wow…wow. I guess you’re feeling a little better; you’re definitely back to blistering form! You had nattering nabobs, Spiro Agnew, cheap vodka, coup d’├ętats, Magdalen and the Beatitudes, surgeries ranging from the elective to the compulsory, a sprinkle of Remus and Romulus, a dash of Jefferson, and you ice the fucking cake with dumb and dumber!


These people are such an embarrassment to our country. The very people that these bills (and most other democratic legislation) would help the most are the ones most literally up in arms about it. Where were these people while Bush was making paper footballs out of the constitution? And my guess is that none of these rural rednecks have had their little shit-kicker towns helped at all with farm subsidies, used the post office, or take SSI.

Great job!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Why thank ya Scott, and guess what?

It felt goooooooooood. Cheers Funny Man!!

Dianne said...

is that photo of Voight from one of his movies or was he trying to get in to see his grandkids?

as for the meat (ha, I said meat) of this post - Amen Matty!!

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: I have no idea what that photo is from. But you can tell that JV is MAD AS HELL. Oooooooooooo, I'm all a-tremble. Thanks Di, and Cheers!!

Marilyn said...

And the Cliff character seemed so nice. I guess it just goes to show you that actors will pretend anything for money.

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: It's kind of fitting that "Cliff" was there. The character Cliff thought he knew everything and really knew very little. Cheers Marilyn!!

frankie bondo said...

...that picture was taken when he was told, mistakenly, that George Costanza bought his car...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Hee. Hee. I thought about that when writing this. In fact, Voight has been doing the right wing talk show circuit and everytime he is mentioned, his LeBaron that George bought is the first thing that comes to mind. Ha. Cheers P-Man!!

Micky-T said...

Pleasant thought...

the choke collar she's wearing decided to really do it!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: In spite of her being batshit crazy, I'd love to replace her pearl necklace with one made by me. Of course, I'd have to put a ball gag in her mouth so I wouldn't have to listen to her psychotic meanderings. Cheers Mick!!

Dana said...

I'm with Scott, "These people are such an embarrassment to our country." Not only that, but they are hindering the efforts of those who might take issue with National Health Care, but have a bit more ... shall we say REASONABLE approach?

*shakes head*

Matt-Man said...

Dana: I know. It so much easier for people to stir up the freaks on either fringe of the political spectrum. To actually sit down and hammer out a cost effective health care plan actually takes work. Too many Ameircans in charge of such things are too damn lazy to sit down and fix things.

As for Cam's teeth...the price tag you mentioned is quite comparable to the price of Ryno's smile. The little bastards. Cheers Dana!!

Jay said...

I enjoyed the part where the republican congressman from Missouri got up there and said "Let's say the pledge of allegiance cause it drives liberals crazy!" and then botched it. What a goober.

But, just like with Boehner and the Constitution, it's not really about actually knowing what the pledge or constitution say, it's just about using them as props.

David said...

It makes me weep for our nation that she has been elected twice to congress and also to the state senate. Those voters should have figured out by now that she is an effing lunatic so I must ask - why? Why would they continue to vote for her?

Four Dinners said...

Cheap vodka????? I'm in!!!!

Bond said...

Wait - the health care bill is against the constitution and the Declaration of Independence and the Pledge of Allegiance?

Who woulda thunk it

Scott from Oregon said...

I used to attend tree-hugger rallies well-informed and with a reason to be there.

There were a lot of nutjobs there too, shouting stupid crap and embarrassing the thoughtful people who showed up to show support for something they believed in.

And inevitably, the media would find these nuts and get their "quota of quotes" for the six o'clock cycle...

Same thing is going on in these tea bagger rallies.

Many thoughtful people are rightfully protesting what they understand to be going on. The BIGGEST theft in the history of the world has occured- from the US taxpayer as a whole- and MOST of the population wants to sit back and corn-hole Michelle Bachmann because her pearl necklace isn't dripping.

There is a difference between taxes going to roads and bridges and fire crews and such... and going toward paying the interest on loans taken in order to bail out corporations who have managed to get themselves IN THE FRONT DOOR of government and in a position to feed from the trough without having to bend over first...

Many of these protesters feel strongly about this monumental theivery and show up for these rallies to show their disgusts.

Meanwhile, the Republican party- corrupt as it is- is trying to get in front of these angry people and steer them to their ends...

It is getting extremely difficult to see what is real because of all the political noise out there...

Michele said...

Sounds to me like another case of: "some people shouldn't be allowed to breath."

Clay Perry said...

i couldnt find any nude pics of Michele Bachmann anywhere...

Matt-Man said...

Hi Y'all:

Sorry I didn't answer back to everyone. Friday evening was my first night back to work since my hospital stay and, holy shit did it ever kick my sick ass.

I only worked 5 hours Friday, but it seemed like I worked 16. Feeling better this morning so I'll be around at some point today.

Cheers All!!

Andy said...

Dumb and Dumber. Funny movie. Especially the scene where Jim Carey had explosive shit. . .classic.

Matt-Man said...

Andy: Ha. It was so fucking stupid that it was funny. Cheers Anj!!