Monday, November 09, 2009

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Jay’s New Celebrity Fantasy Girlfriend ™

It is indeed a bee-yoo-tee-ful Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio today. Sunny and 67 degrees…not bad at all for November in the Buckeye State.

It will make my 11-7 shift in the Beer Mine today quite tolerable in spite of my ongoing recuperation.

Today, I am using our Sunday Morning Church Disservice to bestow a gift upon a man who has been very gracious to me during my illness.

That man? Jay, The Cynical Bastard.

If you read Jay-Man’s post from Thursday November 5th, you know that Jay is looking for a new Celebrity Fantasy Girlfriend ™.

Some lesser folks merely threw out names haphazardly for Jay, but I felt that the bond between Jay and I deserved me taking the time to put some thought into it. After much reflection, I think I have come up with the purrrrfect match.

Jay prefers women who are younger than him. I know that many of Jay’s lusts have been chicks of the darker, brunette, and raven hair type.

Unlike myself, huge fun bags are not a pre-requisite for our buddy. He digs cute…He likes chicks who can party, and I thought that since Jay is a sports fan, it would be nice to find a chick who likes sports as well.

Well everyone…I have found the purrrrfect Celebrity Fantasy Girlfriend ™ for our beloved Jay.

This babe, loves to party!!

When she parties, she doesn’t mind wearing a tight blue dress, boots, and getting it on with a chick in order to entertain her man.

Much like Jay, the chick I have picked is uber-Patriotic…

Like I said, Jay’s new Celebrity Fantasy Girlfriend ™ must be a sports fan…

Hike it, Bitch!!

Regardless of the outcome, our lady always practices good sportsmanship.

In spite of her fun loving, devil-may-care attitude, she can be quite sensitive…

Knowing that Jay can occasionally have brushes with the law, our lady-in-waiting is blessed with a well-rounded grasp of the American legal system!!

And there you have it folks…My choice for Jay’s new Celebrity Fantasy Girlfriend

The lovely and light hearted, Casey Anthony!!

I think I have outdone myself and I hope Jay is pleased with my efforts.

As an added bonus…I don’t think Jay has ever mentioned that he would like to have a child. Even if these two have sex and an unexpected pregnancy or even a full fledged birth occurs…

I am sure Casey will have no problem taking care of “that problem” in order to keep their madcap romance Similac and child-free.

Enjoy Jay…You can thank me later.

Enjoy your Sunday all.



Jay said...

Everything about her is perfect except for the whole Ohio State fan thing. OSU fans are so freaking insufferable. And delusional. I don't know if I could put up with that.

Oh and that whole allegedly murdered her own child thing. Yeah, I guess that's bad too. ;-)

I think those antibiotics have sent you over the deep end dude. LOL

Scott Oglesby said...

Holy fucking mother of God. What. The. Fuck? It’s too perfect! I mean she’d be the perfect girlfriend. A babe in jail is quite a catch, what with the congenial visits and all. And she’s hot, loving, and not afraid to get her hands dirty. What more could a guy want?

I’d still prefer if Jay pick my idea though. Mostly because it would make me lots and lots of money.

Marilyn said...

My first thought was that she couldn't be much of a celebrity since I didn't know who she was... then I read Jay's comment. I appreciate the humor but I gotta agree with him.

David said...

Except for the age thing, I would have suggested Rue McClanahan cause lord knows she's a party-hearty girl with great expertise in certain man pleasing skills...well, age and the fact that she's hospitalized.

Wait just a minute - you've just had a mysteriously long hospitalization...Where again is that hospital and who was in the next room???

Methinks there is more to this story than meets the eye.

David said...

@Scott - I fear you are a tad confused about those visits. I don't think they are teaching skills for the prison's Miss Congeniality contest - although that may well have great merit.

I suspect you are thinking of conjugal visits which take on an entirely different aura. I'm just saying....maybe you've lost touch by spenting too much time in Spain away from the American criminal justice system.


David said...

Oh lordy lou - spending, not spenting.

Spenting is not even a word as far as I know - well maybe it should apply to the average American's budgeting process.

3 Men and a Lady said...

Hee, hee, as I was reading I kept thinking, "she looks a lot like that Caylee Anthony chick who murdered her kid," but then I saw the Ohio St jersey and thought it probably wasn't since she lives in Florida. But then it was. Yeah, she's a real catch! ;-)

3 Men and a Lady said...

oops, I meant Casey, not Caylee. Caylee was her daughter.

Cheesy said...

Sic bass-turd lol

Scott Oglesby said...


While I really appreciate you for correcting my obvious confusion, don’t you find it ironic that you managed to make a spelling error in the very reply which you were correcting my spelling error/obvious confusion?

As for your comment on my blog, I did find it to be rude and irrelevant. Because I did not want to set a negative tone in the first comment thread, I erased it. In an eleven paragraph post, you manage to find one sentence to use to insult me? Because you either don’t have a blog of your own or choose not to link to it, I’m unable to take this war of words to your house. –And I apologize to Matt-Man for this.

I blog and comment for fun and to relieve stress, so I’m not going to respond to you any further. I guess I’m just trying to tell you, as congenially as possible…….to fuck off mate.

David said...

With apologies to Matt-Man for using his space, I would say I'm befuddled. I am a dreadful smartass but I never intend to be rude. I did find my typo error ironic. I apologize that I've communicated so poorly as to be so misunderstood. Sorry.

Four Dinners said...

Who she?

Starrlight said...

She looks like poster girl for duckface. said...

thanks this blog naic