I have a bit of Hospital Hodgepodge for you today.
I thought I’d just toss out some thoughts, pictures, and medical related bon mots for you today in order to help wrap up the story of my pulmonary upheaval.
Here’s the entrance to the room in which I stayed.
The placard warns those who enter of my potential infectiousness. Just call me, “Typhoid Matty”.
Some of the precautions listed could be applied to those who come in contact with me when I am well, um…as well.
In spite of my infectiousness, I received many visitors during my week long stay. Aside from Schmoop, my first visitor was my boss, and owner of Bagwine’s best Beer Mine, Drive-By Mikey…!!
His concern for my well-being was overwhelming. After informing me as to what he would be asking for from the nurses if it was he that was laid up, he let me know how much I was missed.
He voiced his heartfelt feelings by saying to me, “I need you to come back Matt-Man, because since you left, sales of Milwaukee’s Best Light and Basic Full Flavor cigarettes have plummeted.”
How touching…How Human…How Mikey.
My brother Marty visited frequently often bearing gifts and forcing me to spew out what was left of my bad lung by making me laugh and thus hacking profusely.
You can see, that even though I had been labeled as a contagious pariah, Marty was proud to let people know that he was a visitor of the Human Bug Factory of Room 497.
Marty who often brought me coffee, soup, and grocery store tabloid magazines also brought unto me, some lovely flowers.
The print on the card was too small to photograph, but the message left by Marty and his wife read: “Quit Faking!!” I was moved upon reading their well wishes.
My BFF/OSP Schmoop, when not on the phone with me, often appeared at my bedside in person…
I appreciate the fact that Schmoop remained true to her feelings for me rather than patronizing me because I was deathly ill and lying helpless with a chest tube stuck inside of me. Here’s to ya, Schmoop!!
These folks and others who visited always put a smile on my mask of death. I struggled to find a way to re-pay these folks for their kindness. I finally discovered a way to do so…
I offered each and every visitor a glass of my steamy, wet piss. While there were no takers, I think they appreciated the outreach on my part.
I have plenty of other people to thank. The doctors, nurses, and hospital staff who were fantastic. All of my family and friends for their calls and letters, and Schmoop’s brother Dave who has been carting me around.
I’ll get around to personally thanking each and every one of you over the next week or two, so bear with me. And don’t worry…
My thanks will not include an offer to drink of my steamy, wet piss...unless of course, you're into that type of thing.