Monday, November 23, 2009

Thanksgiving...A Cornucopia of Traditions

It's Thanksgiving week here in the glorious and gluttonous United States of America. Food, booze, and on Friday, credit cards will be flying as we give thanks as a nation.

It's a grand American tradition, and nowhere is the Thanksgiving tradition more honored than here at Bagwine Ruminations.

Let's take a look at some previous Thanksgiving related Bagwine pictures, videos, and stories shall we?

It's Thanksgiving week, bitches!! And we'll be celebrating all week. Enjoy.

An Inky and Lola Spin-Off...




A moving song I wrote some two years and 35 pounds ago...

A future look at Thanksgiving that I wrote in 2008...

I thought I would channel my magical six and a half pound turkey breast, Lola Fowllana, to see what future Thanksgivings may hold for me…

Say, in twenty years from now.

Man, by that time my kid will be 34. I’ll be nearly 64, and my nutsack will have dropped down another 8 inches.

Instead of being nearly bald, I will be completely bald. I won’t have any of my real teeth, but by God, I will have a set of futuristic dentures.

I’ll still cook a bird, potatoes, dressing, and since I’ll have teeth, I may even have some maize on the cob.

I’ll just have to make sure not to overdue it, lest my brand new colostomy bag break open like a New Orleans levee.

That would certainly put a damper, not to mention an intolerable stench, on the holiday.


I don’t know if Schmoop will still be with me.

I mean, as it is now, I walk around the abode all day, half naked scratching my boys, by then I will have completely given up on life and just walk around all day fully naked scratching them.

I can see how she might grow weary of that.

Then again, she might not even notice ‘cause she’ll be too busy trying not to trip over her 40 Cs that are in a race to the floor with my aforementioned nutsack.

Eh, we’ll be together. I think Satan has made a pact with God on that. Besides, who would color her hair and get things cooked prior to the big feast?

Perhaps my son and his new wife will stop by to see dear old Dad. That would be nice.

I would give him a big hug, and give his sexy, tall, spouse with the perfect breasts an even tighter and longer lasting one...and some tongue.


Then they’ll leave and go over to his mom’s for Thanksgiving dinner. And once again, it will be just Schmoop and I.

We’ll make a toast. I’ll serve the food...

And then, maybe when we are done eating, we will, as we now do most Saturday nights, slow dance to a song or two in our tiny apartment.

Exhausted from the big day, we will go to bed, smile at each other, and exchange a soft kiss and our goodnights.


Then, as I roll over to turn out the light…


I'll see that the clock reads Six-O'-Fucking-Clock P.M.!!


Cheers!!

24 comments:

Schmoop said...

Ha! You're right about the pact, we'll always be together! Loves!!

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: And really...Is that so wonnnnng? Of course not. Loooooooves. Cheers!!

Michele said...

You've just summed up the lives that JR and I are speeding towards. Minus the 40 C's because I'm just not that endowed. Probably TMI.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Doesn't sound to be a sexy, devil-may-care life but in many ways, it's pretty damn good isn't it?

As for the 40 C's? As Schmoop says...They're overrated. Oh sure they're great when you're 25 but once you hit 40, no bra fits and they become just a dangling pain in the ass. Cheers Michele!!

Michele said...

It's the rolling them up to fit in the bra that is the real trick. And yes it is pretty damn good.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Hee Hee. You are correct. I've seen plenty of hand jive goin' on by Schmoop trying to make those puppies fit. Here's to the non-exciting, pretty damn goodness of life. Cheers Michele!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...some winter nights I make it 'till six frickin' thirty!...

Scott Oglesby said...

This’ll be the second year in a row for me without a Thanksgiving. I can’t even buy a turkey here, much less any of the other fixings. But I am going to London and Paris over Christmas which should make up for that. Gotta play that guilt card!

Loved your song, you have some amazing pipes. I freaking loved your lyrics as well. “But they should be doing time with the Manson family.” Hahahahaha!

You paint a rather rosy picture of the future. I only hope that I’m so lucky. I love that picture of you passed out on the couch, I’m just glad the cigarette wasn’t lit.

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: And THAT...is just one more reason as to why you are my hero, you rebel, you. Cheers P-Man!!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: If you can get your hands on a couple of cans of SPAM, you can create a "turkey" out of it. I've done it.

Glad you liked the song. I was going to re-record it, but I don't think my pipes are up for it right now.

Paris and London over the holidays? Your present sounds a tad bit better than my future. I hope you're feeling better funny man.

Cheers!!

Dana said...

I miss Inky & Lola!

Oh, and for the record? There might very well be a Thanksgiving vlog this year where I'll share that "aged" bottle of WIR I still have hidden in my closet!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: I miss them too, but have had no inspiration as far those loveable stick figures go.

A vlog would be nice and the WIR? I have wondered from time to time if you ever drank it.

One word of advice...Make sure it's very cold and that you are in for the night before you toss it back. Cheers Dana!!

Marilyn said...

You two are so cute!

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: Ha, Thanks. I think we're kinda cute together. Sometimes I think we are the Stiller and Meara of the blogosphere. Cheers Marilyn!!

Bond said...

Loves and not Zoves...

yup you two will still be together

Matt-Man said...

Bond: Don't misunderestiamte the power of Zoves. Cheers Vin!!

Dianne said...

you're so sentimental

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: I had you and your sentimentality at "nutsack" didn't I? Cheers Di!!

Lu' said...

I rarely remember my dreams but last night you were in it. I don't remember where I was but I turned around and you were walking over towards me all suave like and said... We gave each other a smile and a squeeze but then the alarm went off I was unable to recapture the dream as I sometimes can.

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Oooooo Weeeee Lu!! Try again tonight to find out what happened. This time try to not to have premature alarmification. I hate when that happens. Cheers Lu!!

3 Men and a Lady said...

That's a wise turkey you've got there! And to be Stiller and Meara, that's something to be proud of... they are a cute couple.

Matt-Man said...

Lady: We didn't just talk turkey. And Stiller and Meara are a great couple. If we're anything like those two, I'll be happy. Cheers D!!

Starrlight said...

Sounds relaxing to me! That is why getting older has never bothered me. It seems restful :P

Matt-Man said...

Starr: Yes it does, but I don't want to relax to the point where my heart stops. Cheers Starr!!