Sunday, December 20, 2009

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: It's Almost Party Time. Where's My Side Dish?

It’s going to be a cloudy and cold Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio today. But my friends…

There are twelve packs and cases of libation to be doled out, thus I shall be working the Beer Mine from 11-7 today.

I work Monday and Tuesday too, but then, Bitches…I am off three days in a row. Three days in a row which include Christmas Eve and Holy Baby Jeebus Day itself. Boo Yah!!

I…Am…Asscited!!

Christmas Eve will be spent whooping it up at my brother Marty’s house. You know, the house with a big yard that has a pond and room for a pony.

All the Mahoney boys and girls will be on hand to eat, make fun of each other, and consume copious amounts of wassail.

Ryno shall be by my side, although a-wassailing he shall not go. He’ll just help to make fun of others and eat…and eat…and eat.

We will be feasting on hot roast beef sandwiches, chili, party trays, and grog. I have been called upon to bring some type of side dish.

I have considered taking one of the many dishes I have invented over the years. Hamburger Stuffing…Black Bean, Corn, and Green Onion medley…Brussel Sprout and Creamed Pea Casserole.

I have settled on the following. Creamy Christmas Pasta Salad!! I drew up this culinary delight in my mind only yesterday, and it is sure to be a hit.

What goes in it, you ask? Allow me to tell you.

I make my own pasta salad (none of that box shit). And I start off with my favorite pasta type food. Spaghetti, vermicelli, rotini, fine pastas one and all, but for me nothing beats the wondrous beauty of…THE EGG NOODLE!!


For my salad, I boil up egg noodles and let them cool. I add mixed vegetables (carrots, peas, onion, baby limas, and diced tomato), black olives, kidney beans, and bacon.

I then mix in sour cream and ranch dressing, and let it chill in the fridge. Voila!!

However, I have added a twist in order to make this Creamy Pasta Salad a Creamy CHRISTMAS Pasta Salad.

I am going to soak the egg noodles in food coloring first. Half the noodles will be colored red and the other half green. Brilliant, no!?

I wasn’t sure if pasta would color well, so at 6:45 this morning I put some elbow macaroni in a small bowl and added some food color…

The result? Eureka!!

I am a fucking genius, Praise Jeebus!!

So there you have it my friends. I will be certain to take pictures of the end product. I will be making it Wednesday so it can sit in the fridge overnight and be ready for the Mahoney Yule Bash on Thursday.

Amen, and Amen…

Have a wonderful Sunday, all. I will be posting a Bagwine Classic Christmas song tomorrow so until then…

Cheers!!

16 comments:

Jeff B said...

What would be really cool is if they stay that color on there way out the next day.

Matt-Man said...

Jeff: Ha. What a perfect Christmas present that would be. Cheers Jeff!!

Lu' said...

You are fucking brilliant :)

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Thanks Lu. I keep telling people that, and no one believes me. Cheers Pal!!

David said...

I'm seeing a Food Network show in your future Matt-Man

Cheers

Matt-Man said...

David: Actually...Schmoop's brother and I have had an idea for a FN show for years. It's called, "Apt.102".

We film in our tiny kitchen and make shit using the most basic of ingredients and with people who have a little apartment kitchen in mind.

It would be directed towards people who cook for themselves or for only two. Whatcha think? Cheers David!!

MysteryChick said...

I love the cooking show idea and your salad sounds yummy, but I'm a little worried your food-coloring will leach out of your pasta and turn your delish salad brown! You may want to run another experiment on that too. Let us know how it turns out.

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...you could make pink and black ones judt like Good 'n' Plenty!...

Desert Rat said...

You're inspiring!

3 Men and a Lady said...

Sounds delish! Great idea. What is hamburger stuffing?

VE said...

I KNEW you inveted corn. I just knew it...

You are the genius...

Michele said...

You are a fucking genius but that does not look appetizing.

Matt-Man said...

Mystery: I think if I let the noodles get cold before I mix everything should be just duckie. I'll let you see the results. Cheers Chick!!

Phfrankie: Very Clever. I hated those, but I liked Good 'n' Fruity. Cheers P-Man!!

Rat: You were laughing and rolling your eyes when you typed that weren't you? Cheers Adorable One!!

Matt-Man said...

Lady: I will be making Hamburger stuffing in the near future. I'll give you a heads up and post pictures and the recipe. Cheers D!!

VE: Ha. If only I had invented the cob as well. I always fall a little short. Cheers VE!!

Michele: Ha. You just wait. You are going to have to admit to how festive it looks when I'm done...Probably. Cheers Michele!!

Dice Mardell said...

this I gotta see.

I think you have more fun with food than I do. I didn't think it possible.

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