Today is Groundhog Day and of course many of you who follow the news know that the PETA organization is acting like a horse’s ass once again.
They are clamoring for the retirement of Punxsutawney Phil on grounds that the world’s most famous Marmota monax is treated inhumanely and once a year is subjugated to the role of leading man in a cruel and twisted media circus.
PETA would like to see Punxsutawney Phil taken to a sanctuary and replaced by an animatronic, wired-up woodchuck.
I have but two words to say about that…
PETA says that Phil is being treated “inhumanely”. Well, there’s a reason for that…He’s not a frickin’ human. He’s a big rodent…a whistle-pig…a source for our amusement.
PETA would of course say, “Animals are not placed on this Earth for our amusement!!”
Yes…Yes, they are. On top of that, they are placed here not only for our amusement, but because they’re Goddamn tasty as well.
Humans, in addition to fruits and vegetables, are designed to eat MEAT. We have incisors like cats. We have canine teeth like dogs. Do dogs and cats eat meat? Unless they’re being fed that gay ass Chef Michael crap by Purina, you’re damn right they do.
In addition to the evolution of our teeth, we have digestive systems built not only for lima beans and soy products, but for MEAT!!
I know that I personally, can consume a suitcase full of White Castle Hamburgers on Friday night, and count on my colon to blow out the digested remains in time for me to hit the Breakfast Buffet at Big Boy by 8 A.M. Saturday morning.
And what will I eat at the breakfast buffet? Delicious animal products such as bacon, sausage, eggs, and if I could, the deleterious brain of a PETA member…and if you don’t mind, over easy with some hollandaise sauce, m'kay?
Listen…Punxsutawney Phil lives the life of luxury, and by God, Groundhog Day is an American tradition that dates back over 100 years.
In addition to that, Groundhog Day gives old guys in Pennsylvania the chance to act like goofs…it was the inspiration for one of the greatest movies ever made, and...
It affords me and my inner 12 year old the opportunity to laugh when we say, “Gobbler’s Knob”.
However, if PETA wants to make a deal, I got one. We can retire Punxsutawney Phil after his schtick, but…
He’s not going to be sent to the Groundhog retirement home. Noooooo. He’s going straight to the dinner table, and this is exactly how…
1 groundhog skinned and cleaned
1/4 cup onion
1/4 cup green pepper
1/2 tablespoon minced parsley
1 tablespoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
4 1/2 tablespoon flour
3 cups broth
1 cup flour
2 tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoon fat
1/4 cup milk
Cut groundhog into large pieces.
Parboil for 1 hour.
Remove meat from bones in large pieces, and then dice. Add onion, green pepper, parsley, salt, pepper, and flour to the broth and stir until it thickens.
If the broth does not measure 3 cups, add water.
Add the meat to the broth mixture and stir thoroughly.
Pour into baking dish.
Sift flour, baking powder, and salt together. Cut in the fat and add the liquid. Stir until the dry ingredients are moist.
Roll only enough to make it fit the dish.
Place dough on top of meat, put in a hot oven (400 degrees F.) and bake 30 to 40 minutes or until dough is browned.
Happy Groundhog Day, all. Enjoy your pie with a PETA member you love.