Sunday, March 07, 2010

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: It's Party Time!!

It’s going to be a decent Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio for most of the day. Our temp may even hit 50 degrees. Praise Jeebus!!

That will make my 11-7 shift at the Beer Mine today most pleasurable, provided I don’t encounter any retards.

Anyhooo…

I was kinda tired when I got home Saturday night, so guess what? I didn’t really strain my brain to write anything.

I thought for today I’d just wish Jay a Happy Birthday again, since today is the actual day of his birth that took place lo those 42 long years ago.

I thought perhaps Jay and I could celebrate by tipping some Wild Irish Rose…


And then I could have my personal archivist, Shannon, stop by in her Birthday suit and bring a cake along.

As you can see…Shannon is cute but none too bright. She got the age on Jay’s cake fucking backwards. Oh well, personal archivists are so damn hard to find. I’ll let it slide.

Lastly, because its Jay’s birthday, my BFF/OSP Schmoop, said that the Jay-Man is allowed to blow out her candle…

Lucky Bastard…Happy Birthday to Jay.

Amen, and Amen.

If any of you need beer and smokes today, come by and see me at the Beer Mine.

Cheers!!

20 comments:

3 Men and a Lady said...

You really have a flair for celebrating birthdays! I hope you have a retard-free workday :-)

Matt-Man said...

Lady: And the ironic thing is, I never do anything exciting on my own. Thanks and Cheers, D!!

Desert Rat said...

Maybe we could develop some special kind of "caution" tape for you that says "'tard-free zone."

I'ma have to try that with some birthday hats - in the privacy of my own home, of course.

So what did I do Saturday night? Seriously? Laced my girlfriend into her new corset, listened to NPR (Garrison Keillor - So, a grasshopper goes into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" and the grasshopper says, "Why would you name a drink 'Bob?'" Badda bing!), and laughed about how we could totally mess up the reception on her radio by waving our arms around. Oh, yeah, good times.

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Ha!! That's funny and the corset thing is more than a bit arousing.

Hell I got home at 9:15, typed this post, and am now sipping some Rose and Twittering a bit. I'm livin' the Rock Star life, Bay-by!! Cheers Rat!!

Jay said...

Oh yeah! I'd blow out Schmoop's candle all right. Then I'd re-light it and blow it out again.

That really made no sense at all did it? haha

Thanks for the b-day wishes. And have fun with the retards .. er .. I mean young scantily clad ladies buying beer! ;-)

Mike said...

Shannon's bow looks like it's tied a little wrong. It may take awhile but I can fix that!

Scott Oglesby said...

“provided I don’t run into any retards.” What the what? You don’t like retards? I freaking love those goofy bastards. They totally make my day. The full-tards are fun to just watch because they’ll shuffle around and do silly shit…or sometimes just accidentally shit. And the half-tards are even better because you can have a semi-one-sided-ish conversation with them about anything.

I kind of wish I was at least a half-tard. It would be like being 3 years old….forever!

Doc said...

Here's hoping that Schmoop is around for my birthday... LOL!

Dianne said...

Ahhhhhh Schmoop ....

Matt-Man said...

Jay: It made sense to me; is that wrong? Have a wunnerful Birthday, sport. A Big Ol' Birthday Cheers to ya!!

Mike: The "Help" line forms behind me. Cheers Mike!!

Scott: Ha. I agree but I'm talking about a different kind of 'tard. They don't kno what they want. They pay me with 8,000 nickels, and are just plain stupid and rude. Cheers Scott!!

Matt-Man said...

Doc: When is your birthday? I'll make sure she has a new picture ready by then you man-whore, you. Cheers Doc!!

Dianne: Tell her to let me take some new pictures of her. If you tell her to, she'll do it. When I mention it, she just tells me to go to the bathroom and jack off. Cheers Sexy!!

Micky-T said...

Shannon sure does get around, I saw her in Memphis two days ago and she was already on her way to go see Jay.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Yes she does...It's all in the name of research of course. Cheers Mick!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...party hats...bows...party hats...bows...party hats....

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Well else could I guy want? And the cake looks delicious, as does the pie. Cheers P-Man!!

David said...

Shannon has the bestest birthday suit I've ever seen - she is very creative. Has she designed any outfits for the Red Carpet tonight at the Oscars?

I'm so pleased that Sarah Palin has re-energized the use of the words tard and re-tard. They are so damn appropriate and, while I agree with Scott that the tards are endlessly entertaining in a people watching way, it gets tedious when one must conduct business transactions.

Happy Sunday

btw - do you follow the rule that lets Sunday be free of lenten sacrifices?

Matt-Man said...

David: No...Shannon is more of a Lady Gaga type of chick when it comes to clothes.

You have a lovely Sabbath as well, and as for my committment? Unlike those pussy Catholics, I am all the way even on Sunday. Cheers David!!

People in the Sun said...

Talk about a coincidence! I was just reorganizing my files and thinking I could use an archivist with great teeth!

Matt-Man said...

People: Ha. She does have a nice set of choppers. Cheers PITS!!

Four Dinners said...

I suddenly feel the urge to celebrate my birthday every other day!

(Ten years ago it would have been every day...it's an age thing)..;-)