Guess what sports fans? As my Mondays and Tuesdays afford me little time for anything other than work, I am doing a partial meme today.
That’s right. I think this may be only the third one I have done since I started this site in May of 2006. But when one has little time and nothing on his mind, what the hell?
I came across it on Mrs. D’s site the other day…
If I were a month I'd be August ‘cause I am always hot and sweaty.
If I were a day I’d be Friday ’cause I am off on Fridays, although some say I always am.
If I were a time of day I’d be 9:15 P.M. I walk in the door, open a beer, and Corky greets me.
If I were a font I’d be well I don’t know, but whichever one it was it would be in boldface.
If I were a sea animal I’d be a sponge. I soak it all up bitches.
If I were a direction I’d be South ‘cause I do like to go south on the ladies.
If I were a piece of furniture I’d be an inflatable bondage sofa.
If I were a liquid I’d be duh…Wild Irish Rose!!
If I were a tree I’d be an evergreen of some type ’cause I’m here for everyone year ’round.
If I were a tool…well, wait…I already am a tool. Next?
If I were a musical instrument I’d be Fender guitar, a Fender painted red, you could play me darlin’ until your fingers bled. (apologies to Mark Knopfler)
If I were a sound I’d be nails on a chalkboard.
If I were a food I’d be a Loosemeat Sandwich.
If I were a body part I’d be the tongue. Mmmmmmmm, love using my tongue.
If I were a song I’d be “I Touch Myself”.
If I were a bird I’d be a pigeon. I do like a good shit.
If I were a door I’d be open.
If I were a poem I’d be one that I wrote in the early 80’s during my New Wave poetry period:
The sky is blue.
The grass is green.
I am white.
Can I get some snaps of the fingers on that one?
Another eleven hour day today, so I shall see you all on Wednesday.