I found the Most Interesting Man in the World post that I put up late this past Saturday night mildly amusing in a raunchy, and infantile way.
The story accurately detailed a few of my more juvenile activities and sexual exploits over the years. There’s quite a few more.
I failed to mention about the time years ago, when my girlfriend at the time would “loan” me out to her friends whose boyfriends refused to go down on them. How could I say no? It was at the time, a win-win. Well…
Except for the time one of her friends and I fell asleep performing said action. I was snoozing face down in her hoo-ha. I don’t know who it says more about, her or I, but I do know that two hours later I woke up and my face was like a glazed donut that had been left out in the sun.
Yes, the post and the additional memories it elicited initially made me laugh. And, the colorful language I used, as I always do, to describe these events made me chuckle as well. I do have a foul mouth.
After reflection and spontaneous introspection, the smile left my face and the chuckles dissipated into the echoes of time. I was no longer amused by my actions. I felt bad about them, and was disturbed with myself.
Thus for the last couple of days I have been thinking about the things I have done throughout my life along these lines and began thinking about the changes I need to make. I said to myself, the following…
What’s with all the cussing? Can’t you speak more reflectively and politely? It’s time to cease with the myriad of expletives you use, Matt-Man.
And the partying…Holy Cow Matt-Man, you can’t keep this up forever, and neither can your liver. You couldn’t stay awake between that chick’s legs when you were twenty; what makes you think you can do it at 45? It’s time to stop, Matt-Man.
Which brought me to the last topic. Sex….
With few exceptions, that is all it has ever been to you, Matt-Man. It’s rarely been about love. Hell you don’t even know what love is I’m guessing. Grow up, and get beyond the oft times physical gratification and get over your selfish needs, Matt-Man.
And this folks is what I have been thinking about the last couple of days and it is indeed what I said to myself, until late Tuesday, when I said to myself…
Oh Fuck That. In spite of the good, the bad, and the ugly of myself, I can’t live in a sterile, boring world. A world that is draped in a black and white, monochromatic fog. You know why?
‘Cause I’m Matt-Man, Bitch, and I exist where life meets color. Boo Yah!!
I’m off today folks, so you know what that means. Uh-Huh. Cussing, drinking, smoking, and foolin’ around on the ‘puter.
And on top of that, any chick who comments on my site or I Twitter with or what not, I will as I always do, picture them naked.
And let me tell you ladies, when I picture you, you all have fan-damn-tastic bodies. If only I could get beyond the reality of mine.