Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day 2010

I wrote this back in 2008, and while the players have changed, little else has…Have a wunnerful day, I shall be working all day, but eh, I dig it.

Memorial Day…

A time of reflection and appreciation for those men and women who have given their life on behalf of all Americans.

This is a day that evokes a range of emotions from gratitude, sadness, and pride.

Today throughout this fine land there will be parades held in every city, town, and burg.

Spectators will wave their little Chinese made American flags as fez-wearing Shriners drive in a zig-zag pattern down Main Street in tiny cars and scooters.

The local High School Band will march down the boulevard blaring a discordant cacophony of sounds that are actually a bad version of Hang On Sloopy.

Here’s to you Glenn Miller, thank you for your service.

I was glad to see on television this morning that one of my favorite Memorial Day celebrations continues.

I saw a commercial promoting the profoundly moving Sam’s Club Memorial Day Serta Mattress Sale.

What says, “Thank you Pat Tillman” more, than waking up from a good night’s sleep with a straight spine?

I’ll tell you what...

The freedom that these fallen soldiers have provided to us that allows the private and public swimming pools to open today and be invaded by kids who cannot control their urge to pee in the deep end is astounding.

I find that to be a fine tribute to the United States Marines…Semper Fi!!

Of course what would Memorial Day be without Senatorial dignitaries chiming in?

John “I served, so I am the only one qualified to be President” McCain will certainly speak a few words. I am sure his words will be stirring. His speech may sound something like this…

“These fallen heroes have given the ultimate sacrifice to their country to defend our freedom. It’s a great sacrifice to give, and especially hard on the ones that they leave behind, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willin’ to make for the next hundred years.”

Bravo Senator, stay the course!!

Festivities will be taking place in backyards throughout the country as well. Families will remember fallen loved ones by throwing a slab of ribs on the grill and playing badminton with a red, white, and blue shuttlecock.

The crazy uncle will receive third degree burns inside of his mouth because he bit into an overcooked brat which exploded and inundated his mouth with liquid hot pig juice.

Don’t worry, the pain will be dulled by the copious amounts of alcohol he has consumed. (Ed. Note: Please refrain from interjecting personal experiences.)

The backyard barbeque is such a healing event.

This Memorial Day we have troops continuing to fight needless and ill-conceived wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, dodging snipers and IEDs.

Don’t worry too much about them, because our Commander-in-Chief has a plan for victory.

It is more important than ever, that we Americans hold cookouts, complain about gas prices, and look forward to the next American Idol, because if we don’t do this, the terrorists win…

Or something like that.

Be safe and enjoy your Memorial Day, all.



Mike said...

Not much has changed in two years.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Not much at all. Cheers to ya!!

Jay said...

Things will be pretty much the same two years from now too.

Scott Oglesby said...

I fucking hate when liquid hot pig juice explodes in my mouth. And it happens more than you would think. Huh.

I hope you’re having a great freedom ain’t free day yourself!

Mike Golch said...

Matt Man,right on.only the names have changed the games are still the same.

Dana said...

Not sure which is worse - liquid hot pig juice or bubbling cheese juice that sticks to the roof of your mouth on that first bite of pizza.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: No doubt. I'l be posting this post yet again. Cheers Jay!!

Scott: I feel your pain. Well it was spent working 10-9 but all is well now. Cheers Scott!!

Mike: Isn't that unfortunately, always the case? Thanks for the comment and the blogroll. Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Ha. I had the pizza thing happen to me at work today. Nuked a piece of pizza and didn't think it felt that hot. I took a bite....I was wrong. Cheers Dana!!