Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Poll: Pussy

Today I get to talk about one of my favorite things in the world…

The vagina…

Also known as muffin, beaver, the cradle of love, and hoo-ha.

Personally, I coined and like the term, walking taco, but when I talk about Schmoop’s love lagoon, I call it, The Ferret, unless it’s “that time of the month”, when I refer to it as…

The Angry Tomato. Anyhoo…

A dear friend of mine, whom I have known for years, e-mailed me the other day.

She stated that she had an “unusual question” although knowing me as she does, she didn’t think that I would find it unusual. Ha, I dig that.

She wants to perhaps “spice things up” in the bedroom for and with her husband. She wanted to know how men felt about a chick with a shaved muffin.

Since she knows I have a blog, she wanted me to take an informal poll to see if you guys out there are turned on by a chick with a bald kettle of fish.

When she asked me to do this for her, two things crossed my mind…

First of all, I was flattered that she respected the opinion and level of sexual preoccupation that myself and my readers have enough to bring this issue here.

Secondly…I thought a great title for this post would be, Poll: Pussy. Ha…I crack myself up.


But I decided not to use such a scandalous title, until I decided, yeah, what the hell.

So women and especially men, what are your experiences and or feelings on this matter?

Me personally? I’m not into it.

I dig getting hair stuck in between my teeth like a piece of popcorn. ’Cause then, I can savor the experience and taste until it works its way out hours later.

Plus, at least in my mind, a bald beaver brings to mind a very young, very less than legal chick. It gives me the willies.

Schmoop isn’t a big fan either. She evidently shaved it once long before she knew me and was less than happy.

When it started growing back, she said that it felt like her ferret was infested with fleas.

So anyway…Throw my friend a bone and let her know how ya feel about it.

I’m sure she will be reading your comments with a razor in one hand and a box of Just for Women hair color in the other, deciding which one to use.

I’ll be gone all day, so be nice to one and other in my absence, and by all means, let your freak flags wave.

Cheers!!

25 comments:

Charlene said...

WOW I am always amazed at what women ask you. I'll be all a twitter to hear the consensus of the fellows following the blog!

Jay said...

Shockingly I have not given this subject too much thought. I don't guess I have any preference other than, you know, clean. LOL

Shaved, trimmed whatever. I'm not a big fan of all out of control never been trimmed or anything at all though. That's a bit much.

But, I guess it's worth a try. Hell, she might find that it spices things up for HER more than for him. haha

Mrs. D said...

Personally, I think it'd be a lot of work to maintain a brazilian look, especially w/out waxing. I've got other stuff to worry about, so I don't take it quite that far.

I'm also curious to see what the men have to say on this.

Oh, and please refollow me on twitter. I had an ordeal and have a new account/same name. Long story.

Mike said...

It's fine with me as long as I don't have to listen to the complaining about the itching and the maintenance. If complaining comes with it, I'm against it.

Scott Oglesby said...

It totally depends if it was done …professionally. If not it’s gets all those gross little red bumps.

You just reminded me of that Curb when Larry David has a pubic hair stuck in his throat during Christmas. Haacchhhhheeee.

VE said...

Personally...I like it tightly groomed and shaped into an arrow pointing me to the goods ;)

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: I don't know what it is but ever since High School the vast majority of my closest friends have been women. That makes me one of two things...I'm either hot, or gay. Cheers Charlene!!

Jay: Ha...yeah clean is nice and I was thinking the same thing as you. It may do more for the lovely lady in question as well. Cheers Jay!!

D: It's seems like a lot of work to me too. It just do anything for me. And I'll hook back up with ya. I knew something was up when I got a message from Twitter in my inbox concerning your account. Cheers D!!

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Ha. Good point. who needs the additional complaining from a woman? Cheers Mike!!

Scott: Ha. Good one. But it's kinda hot. Nice to have you back among the internets. Cheers Scott!!

VE: Hi Funny man. That would really come in handy when one is less than sober. Cheers VE!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

As I said on Twitter the other day, I am completely bald and have been since I was 19 (23 yrs). I shave everything from the neck down every day. If you shave often, it doesn't itch. If you shave correctly, you don't have bumps. IMO, it looks better, it's cleaner and it feels better.

Matt-Man said...

Evil: In deed you did say that and I appreciate you putting it out there...so to speak. But I have a question.

You shave everything from the neck down? You have to shave your chest? Cheers ETW!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...*sings* I love you just the way you are...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Awww that's sweet. Hey, y'know? A Bald Kettle of Fish would make a great name for a band. Cheers P-Man!!

David said...

I'm a big fan of the totally smooth but I like the waxing instead of the shaving. No razor stubble.

My computer presented me with a view of an ad selling inflatable sex dolls (nevermind why)and I immediately wondered which model would Matt-Man choose? You are a valued resource for ever so many topics.

Matt-Man said...

David: Ha. That is one topic I can't help ya with. I have been fortunate enough over my life (thus far) that I never had to look into plastic fuck dolls. Cheers David!!

Shanel said...

Completely shaven is fine if she's going to keep it that way...once the hair starts growing back it becomes prickly and itchy for her and her man and will irritate him when he's going down on her... so with that said I think she should just keep it pretty... and well groomed:)

MysteryChick said...

I swear by the Body Bare razor. It's an unbelievable system. Keeps things nice and smooth plus you can even order stencils if you don't want to go completely bare. (I don't have any stencils myself so can't attest to them.)

Being a redhead I have super sensitive skin and can't wax but this is just as good.

Dana said...

I think there are FAR better ways to spice things up, but I guess if her man is REALLY into that sort of thing *shrugs*

Matt-Man said...

Shanel: That's pretty much what Schmoop has told me. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and comment. Cheers Shanel!!

Chick: Thanks for the tip. I received an e-mail and she appreciated all of the comments. Stencils, eh? WTF? Cheers Chick!!

Dana: Well, she doesn't really know if he is into it. She was basically just getting a feel for the pros and cons, yeas and nays. Cheers Dana!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

No, no chest hair, just anywhere there IS hair below the neck is history. ;-)

Mandy said...

I prefer neat and clean...not bald, and certainly not wild...lol

Also...I truly think there are much, much more exciting ways to spice things up in the bedroom...but hey, I guess that's just me!!

Matt-Man said...

Evil: Ha. I didn't think so. How could hair grow in the shade, anyway? Cheers ETW!!

Mandy: Well there are plenty of ways, but she was just asking. And I agrre with ya on the neatness, not bald thing. Cheers Jane!!

Charlene said...

I like men to be bald on their groin. Only had one lover who shaved everything there and he was a psycho, so I'll just file that under fantasy.

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: Why is that? But I will say, at least I KNOW I wasn't the psycho for once, 'cause I would never do that. Cheers Charlene!!

Marilyn said...

More men should try that... I'm in favor of trimming, myself. Just my 2 cents.

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: As I said to someone else...I let my fur grow like poison ivy. Cheers Marilyn!!