Sunday, June 20, 2010

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Father's Day

On this Father’s Day Sabbath, it’s going to be a hot one just like it was yesterday, although…

I hope Billy the Kid has a better cleavage viewing day at the Beer Mine than I did yesterday. My much anticipated cleavage shot day turned out to be a bust.

Anyhoo…

Praise the Holy Baby Jeebus and especially his daddy, Supernatural-G…for it is Father’s Day, and the congregation said, Amen…and Amen.

I dug my dad. He was a funny guy, a hard worker, and with nine kids, a bit of a grump at times, but eh, who wouldn’t be?

He’s been gone quite awhile. I may swing out to his and mom’s gravesites and say, hey. Maybe I’ll take em’ both a beer.

This morning I am going over to see the reason that I get to celebrate Father’s Day, my nearly 16 year old son, Ryno.

Good ol’ Ryno. Size 15 feet and an ego to match. And…the little shit is now a shade taller than I am. He is reveling in that.

He is funny, smart, dedicated to basketball, sensitive to others, and loving.


Other than his attention to his school work, or lack thereof, I wouldn’t change a damn thing about him.

He’s a wonderful son…


And an even better daughter…

After I spend some time with Ryno, I shall return to the Bagwine digs, quaff more than a few beers, cook, and color Schmoop’s hair.

We’re trying a different color this time. Instead of Intense Auburn, we are going with Brown Black. It should be interesting…yeah, I’m gay, but only slightly.

After the hair coloring is done, Schmoop and I are going to have hot, sweaty, Father’s Day role playing sex.

I can’t decide whether to go with the Lot and one of his daughters scenario, or Papa John and Mackenzie Phillips.

Either way, I’ll be doing some serious ball slammin’, as I yell, “Who's your Daddy?” Of course…

Since I just typed that out loud, there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that I am getting laid today.

Larry King would have a better chance of having sex with Schmoop after those remarks.

Be that as it may…To all of you father’s out there…Happy Father’s Day, and tell your mistress or mistresses not to fret.

It’s only one day a year…you can resume your adulterous bangin’ come Monday.

Amen, and Amen.

Cheers
!!

15 comments:

Jeff B said...

Size 15...Damn, those aren't feet, their pontoons. A Happy Father's Day to you as well.

Matt-Man said...

Jeff: They...are...huge. Happy Father's Day right back atcha my good man. Cheers Jeff!!

Dana said...

Maybe you can get Schmoop to wear anklets and her ruby red slippers and get a little Dorothy action!

Mike said...

"Larry King"

You think Schmoop would volunteer to be number 9? I don't think she's that desperate.

Matt-Man said...

Dana: I'm thinkin' that there is going to be NO action. Oh well, I still have the joke. I like a joke. Cheers Dana!!

Mike: Yeah, maybe I exaggerated a bit. Maybe Andy Rooney would have a better chance. Cheers and Happy Father's Day, Mike!!

MysteryChick said...

Happy Fathers Day Matt-Man! Have a great day!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: I shall try. He's going to church and then to his grandpa's for a cookout so I won't see him long, but, he and I went out to lunch and hung out on Friday. Have a wunnerful Sunday, Chick. Cheers!!

Jay said...

Happy father's day dude.

~Isobel~DingoDoll said...

Yeah...you're screwed Matty, but only metaphorically! Happy Father's Day man. Hope it's a great one!

Scott Oglesby said...

Thanks for the warm Father’s Day wishes buddy. I’ll be talking to my daughter through keyboard clicking and clacking mostly. My dad was…. was a dick. But I’ve mostly forgiven him for he knew not what he did. And if he did know he forgot since his whole life happened in a blackout.

You should make Ryno cook you some breakfast!

Matt-Man said...

Dingo: Ha. Don't I know it. I shall attempt to have such a day. Cheers Doll!!

Scott: Certainly my good man and click your way to a good one.

Yeah, that's sad about your Dad, but the forgiveness part is good. As for Ryno cooking breakfast?

He could do it well but I'll be lucky if the boy is even awake by the time I get over there. Cheers Scott!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Happy Father's Day! I guess I should get in the kitchen and rustle up some coffee for the Evil Twin. :-)

Matt-Man said...

Evil: Thanks and yes, yes you should. And walk around in a tight sundress wearing nothing underneath for him today. Mainly so I can imagine you walking around wearing a tight sundress on with nothing underneath today. Cheers ETW!!

Desert Rat said...

Happy Father's Day to one of my favorite dads!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: You are too kind. Thanks. Have a wonderful rest of the weekend m'dear. Cheers Rat!!