Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Prometheus Was Bound, Alright!!

Yesterday, during my rant on why Sean Hannity must die, one of the reasons that I used was the following:

“He smells like a bushel of rotten potato peels and onions that have been pickling for six months in a jar of Frankenstein’s urine.”

I know that’s kind of an infantile line to use, but it did trigger a deep philosophical question within the bowels of my brain about him.

No, not about Sean Hannity, but rather about the monster we refer to as, Frankenstein. The question?

After reading that line a couple of times, I thought to myself…

Did Frankenstein even urinate at all? Hell, did he ever take a shit? I just don’t know. I mean think about it.

Mary Shelley in her novel, never mentioned Frank-Man dropping a load. You never see him taking a leak during any of the Frankenstein movies.

I am thinking there are two possibilities on this subject and either way it could explain why Frankenstein’s monster was always angry, and well, um…pissed-off.

It’s possible that after his creation that the good doctor never taught his boy proper hygiene and the joy of sitting on the can and taking a dump while reading the latest edition of, Better Castles and Gardens.

If this is the case and I was the monster, I’d be angry all the time as well if I spent every damn day walking the countryside wearing my own piss on the crotch of my ill-fitting pants and my own hot, smelly load squishing around in the back of them.

Who wouldn’t be? Damn right, Bitches!!

There’s another possibility.

Maybe the doctor never got around to that part of his anatomy. Perhaps, even though Frank-Man ate and drank he was unable to pee and crap.

Can you imagine eating mutton and drinking ale for weeks on end and not being able to urinate or defecate?

Holy Cow…I’d be pissed off, and quickly.

That’s probably why Frank-Man was afraid of fire. With all that gas and alcohol in him, he knew that one spark would create a big, fucking assplosion.

No matter what the correct theory may be, these are things I think about.

And now, a new, semi-regular segment…

Last Wednesday on Bagwine Ruminations many of you had the pleasure of “meeting” The Beer Mine’s affable ice delivery guy Luis…

Isn’t he muy lindo? Of course he is, and the joke that Drive-By Mikey and I played on Luis was a big hit, so here we go with another…

I give you our, Moment of Mexican Merriment with the Beer Mine’s favorite ice delivery muchacho…Luis!!

Just like last week, here’s a picture of Luis’ truck as he backed in in order to unload our ice…

Unbeknownst to Luis, this is what the back of his truck looked like on the way to his next stop…

Ha…Oh yeah…We got a call from him again ten minutes after he left. No cussing from him this week, just laughter as he asked…

“How the hell did you guys get that on there, I checked the damn thing!!”

I told him, “It’s Magic.”

Have a wonderful Tuesday, all.


Cheers!!

24 comments:

MysteryChick said...

I do so love your warped mind, oh, and magic too!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: Ha...We may need to come up with something new next week, I don't think I can pull off the sign "magic" three weeks in a row. Cheers Chick!!

Desert Rat said...

Love it!

Of course, it was Dr. Frankenstein's monster... right? He didn't actually have a name... I thought the book was very sad.

Now YOUNG Frankenstein absolutely is one of my fav films! At least we know the monster has some "monster" bits! Ha!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Yes it was Frankenstein's monster, I thought I made that clear. Are you drinking? Are...you...drinking? Hee.


Love Young Frankenstein..er...Frahnken-schteen. Cheers Adorable One!!

Desert Rat said...

Dammit! Busted!

Jay said...

I'm guessing Frankenstein took huge shits. Great big, nasty, stinky shits. And he probably pissed like a racehorse.

Of course, I'm just guessing cause like you said, in the movie he never did. Now I'm really going to wonder about that. Thanks. haha ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Busted? Noooooo....I'm proud and happy for ya. Cheers Rat!!

Jay: Well, I think we should all know. We deserve it. Fuck symbolism in novels and movies...I want some shit, dammit, and I want it now!! Cheers Jay!!

Mike said...

They hadn't gotten to the reprogramming part of the F-Monster yet. Reprogramming? You know, when you take a dump and forget everything you knew except the stuff from the magazine you were reading?

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Maybe I'm odd because I do some of my best thinking while shitting. It's a gift. Cheers Mike!!

Charlene said...

I don't recall any mention of bodily function in books or movies except that time Danny Glover got blow up on his toilet in Lethal Weapon 2.

So, without further evidence any human in an article, essay, book, movie or situation comedy does not pee or deficate.

Desert Rat said...

Oh, Dan Ackroyd mentions a "real growler" in "War Inc." In fact, he's sitting ON the toilet when he mentions it to John Cusak.

That makes me even with the dumbass "Dr. Frankenstein" comment I made earlier: Duh!

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: Don't be too quick there. Jeff Daniels took a huge one in the cinematic classic, Dumb and Dumber. Cheers Charlene!!

Rat: Ah, yet another fine example of cinematic bodily functions. You are so on the ball. Cheers Rat!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...Silly people! That's what the bolts on the monster's neck were all about. The left bolt regulated his decending colon, while the right one activated his urinary tract. I thought everybody knew that...

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: You're a pfucking genius. Cheers P-Man!!

Raquel's World said...

Idea for next time
"How's my driving?" "Please call 1-800-illegals to report" Ha! I crack me up!

Beth said...

Poor Luis! Hey...I better start checking the back of the car when I leave, huh??

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: We may have to do something different than a sign...He'll be watching me like a hawk next time. Cheers Roc!!

Schmoop: Not at all, it's when we're both buzzed and close to each other that you need to check to see what's being put on your back end. Cheers and Zoves Schmoop!!

Beth said...

Hee!!

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: Friday is a lonnnnng way away. Cheers Schmoop!!

Scott Oglesby said...

That’s a very good point that I never really considered. I have often thought about vampire cum but that’s another post altogether isn’t’ it?

Even just seeing Luis’ face makes me laugh, good job!

Dana said...

I know it's not nearly as entertaining of a thought, but there might be a third possibility.

Mary Shelley was not blessed with the growth-stunted humor of a 12 year old boy and just lost her ability to notice the plot significance of Frank-Man dropping a load or taking a leak.

It's a well known fact that The poop-humor factor is lost for most girls after about age 4, immediately replaced by the boys-have-cooties factor.

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Ha...It's fun to give shit to Luis, he laughs pretty easily. Cheers Scott!!

Dana: That's a good point now if only I knew which twelve year old boy you were tal---Oh I get it. Cheers Dana!!

Marilyn said...

I love sign day in Bagwine.

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: So do we...We start laughing when we see Luis' truck pull up. Cheers Marilyn!!