“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
A few weeks ago, in the ass crack heat of summer, I managed to traverse across the thin ice of stupidity and fell into the frozen waters of being a hurtful asshole.
I can accept that. I can take my lumps. I can accept full responsibility. I can, and did apologize.
I thought things had progressed past that instance of anger, sadness and my own self-loathing, but since this past Saturday and up to the writing of this?
It’s as though people knowingly and unknowingly want to throw me back into the arctic waters of feeling like an asshole…like a loser.
Saturday was a bitch at work. The rude exuded and permeated my entire day.
Saturday night, for a myriad of reasons, was a horror show and I was the guest star.
Sunday at work was actually quite friendly, but then I pulled a muscle in my right forearm while spinning a 30 pack of Best Light. Nothing like adding physical injury to emotional insult. It still fucking hurts.
When I got home, I was met by an email from a woman who has been a friend for thirty years. I smiled, read it, replied back, and then I thought…
You know Matt. You have tried to keep in touch with her for some time now, and she never really gets back with ya. But now, since her love life is fucked up and she has a question about her union contract, she gets a hold of you.
That’s kinda shitty; dontcha think?
And I answered myself…
Yes, yes it is.
During this period of renewed pox on Matty-Boy’s house, I was told that the Blog Talk Radio Show that Jay and I will be doing, will suck.
That’s so nice. I love encouragement from those close to me.
I got a call recently as well from Ryno’s mom. She thought it would be nice if I could add another ten bucks a week to what she’s getting.
Although with a sterling backbone and fortitude I flatly told her no; it pissed me off.
She knows that whenever I have extra cash, I pass some of it along, but I don’t right now. She just keeps pushin’. I hate it.
I don’t know. I mean, I know I fucked up awhile back and undoubtedly will again in some form or fashion, but none of the good I have done is remembered.
All of the negatives seem to be raining down on me. And, it made me think of a Counting Crows song and when I listen to it, at least in this speck of time, I think of myself...
Oh well, I am off today, so I’ll crank up 'The Crows, drink a few beers, and work on the impending BTR show…even though of course, it’s doomed to suck.
Have a wonderful Hump Day, folks. I am going to do my damndest to do the same.