---Clifton Fadiman
A few weeks ago, in the ass crack heat of summer, I managed to traverse across the thin ice of stupidity and fell into the frozen waters of being a hurtful asshole.
I can accept that. I can take my lumps. I can accept full responsibility. I can, and did apologize.
I thought things had progressed past that instance of anger, sadness and my own self-loathing, but since this past Saturday and up to the writing of this?It’s as though people knowingly and unknowingly want to throw me back into the arctic waters of feeling like an asshole…like a loser.
Saturday was a bitch at work. The rude exuded and permeated my entire day.
Saturday night, for a myriad of reasons, was a horror show and I was the guest star.
Sunday at work was actually quite friendly, but then I pulled a muscle in my right forearm while spinning a 30 pack of Best Light. Nothing like adding physical injury to emotional insult. It still fucking hurts.
When I got home, I was met by an email from a woman who has been a friend for thirty years. I smiled, read it, replied back, and then I thought…
You know Matt. You have tried to keep in touch with her for some time now, and she never really gets back with ya. But now, since her love life is fucked up and she has a question about her union contract, she gets a hold of you.
That’s kinda shitty; dontcha think?
And I answered myself…
Yes, yes it is.
During this period of renewed pox on Matty-Boy’s house, I was told that the Blog Talk Radio Show that Jay and I will be doing, will suck.
That’s so nice. I love encouragement from those close to me.
I got a call recently as well from Ryno’s mom. She thought it would be nice if I could add another ten bucks a week to what she’s getting.
Although with a sterling backbone and fortitude I flatly told her no; it pissed me off.
She knows that whenever I have extra cash, I pass some of it along, but I don’t right now. She just keeps pushin’. I hate it.
I don’t know. I mean, I know I fucked up awhile back and undoubtedly will again in some form or fashion, but none of the good I have done is remembered.
All of the negatives seem to be raining down on me. And, it made me think of a Counting Crows song and when I listen to it, at least in this speck of time, I think of myself...
Oh well, I am off today, so I’ll crank up 'The Crows, drink a few beers, and work on the impending BTR show…even though of course, it’s doomed to suck.
Have a wonderful Hump Day, folks. I am going to do my damndest to do the same.
Cheers!!
27 comments:
BTR will not suck. If you can talk to Jay on the phone for an hour or more you two can surely keep a BTR show going.
Mike: Damn right. And we shall make it so, especially after the "it will suck" comment. Cheers and thanks Mike!!
The show may suck at first, but once we get into it and figure things out, it's gonna be cool.
Sometimes all the negativity comes at once. Nothing you can do but just power through it.
When you start something that seems improbable and everyone is being fuckards about it [because they never tried anything in their pitiful lives because they are wuses!] you got to think you've already confronted the possibility of failure. It's all up from that, so take the chance. Do it!
Jay: You are right but only sorta. We can make the content magic happen, but technically we may be at sea for a couple of shows until we get the hang of it. Cheers Jay!!
Charlene: Too often people suffer from dreaming big. I'm not saying that BTR is big, but it's somethng that says, "Ima gonna do this, so fuck you."
It's kinda sad that so many people relegate themselves to the safe and secure. Cheers Charlene!!
Charlene: That should have been "people suffer from NOT dreaming big." Cheers!!
Fifteen years or so ago when I stepped away from a "regular" job and went out on my own in the self employed world, there were all too many people telling me, "I'd regret it", "I wouldn't make it", etc.
Fifteen years later I'm doing just fine with it.
I say this not to prove what a wonderful human I am, but to encourage you to chase your passions. Dismiss the naysayers as best you can and push forward.
You and Jay will learn the mechanics of running a show in short order and your talents will shine through.
Jeff: You didn't need to explain why you wrote your comment, I understood it completely. And yeah, Jay and I will be just fine. Thanks and Cheers Jeff!!
Try to remember that sometimes when you are at your lowest you do your best work. That's what led to me becoming a librarian, that low point. Oh wait, that might not be a good analogy. You know what I mean.
Michele: Ha. No, I know what you mean and your point, at least with how I work, is balls on accurate. I do do better when things suck and or there is chaos and/or a crisis. Cheers Michele!!
First, GREAT quote, and oh so true!
The nay-sayers ...
I have been in that safe, comfortable, and MISERABLE place too many times in my life. I have finally realized (I think) that I'd rather try and fail than never try at all. (stealing - with artistic license - from Alfred Lord Tennyson)
chin up, matt-man. feel your pain. been there. here's a recent good one from my so called life to make u feel better - new "boyfriend" sends txt 'i wont some pussy today'....not only did he spell WANT wrong, it was a FORWARD! apparently he WONTED pussy from more than just me that day - fml! now that's gotta make you feel better, huh? thank me later, eh?
Dana: Yeah, I dig that quote. And seriously, one can never go wrong when channeling Tennyson. Cheers Dana!!
jme: Thank you, later? Hell, I'll thank ya now. That's some funny shit...sad, but funny. Sorry to hear that though on your part. You chin up as well. Cheers JME!!
You guys might be great, you might suck at it too, but that's no big fucking deal. If you don't try you'll never know.
Bummer for me that I don't do any blog radio stuff, it just doesn't do it for me. So you guys go out and break a viking horn and a bottle of Rose.
Micky: Ironically enough, BTR doesn't "do it" for me either but that's because so much of it's bad...really bad. But you're right on...
If a person wants to go for something that makes them happy, why not get behind them and say, "Win, lose, or fall flat on your face, do it dammit."
Cheers Mick!!
Well first off FUCK the individual that says your show will suck. You have many people that think otherwise. And sorry life sucks right now ( I won't insert the usual "it will get better" "pray on it" crap here) As far as the rude people...engage them a bit maybe it will force them to lighten up and at the very least it will provide you with good blog topics. So when they come in acting like an ass, smile at them. They will think you are being nice but really you will be plotting to reveal their assholeness to the world. Shit, snap a pic of em and post it and we can all fuck with them. You need one of these..so...CHEERS!!! MATT_MAN!
Raquel: Ha I loooove your comment, and I do laugh and mock the rude, but Saturday was just tiresome because there were so many and I was already feelin' low. Oy!!
And you're right, the show will be what it will be. Jay and I shall give it our all, it's just that I didn't expect a "it will suck" from a particular person, anyone else I would have said, "Fuck Off."
Thanks for the wunnerful comment. I dug it. Cheers Roc!! : )
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
---Clifton Fadiman
That quote somewhat applys directly to me today, strange but true.
Sometimes people are not happy until they wring you dry or they enjoy seeing someone miserable.
I hope you can come out of the doldrums and really enjoy your day this is what I plan on doing.
All the best to you.
I think a show with you and Jay will be wonderful
and I'm fucking brilliant so it must be true
I just keep pushing thru the moments Matty - one at a time
Irene: You are correct. I was married to a bleed you dry kinda woman. Never satisfied unil your soul is empty. All the best to you as well my friend. Cheers Irene!!
Dianne: Sorry we haven't been in touch my kindred spirit. Let me know when you're free. We'll chat. Cheers Sexy!!
Hang in there! Mean people suck.
Evil: I always hang in there; it's what I do. And yeah, you're right, but even while I make fun of them 99% of the time, they get to me once in awhile. Cheers ETW!!
...Clifton Fadiman would be a good name for a band....
P-Man: You are only the second person to have made me laugh out loud since Saturday. I dig it. Cheers P-Man!!
Joker: I always have people calling me an asshole, the difference, at least in this post, is that I like them. Cheers Joker!!
thanks this blog very good
thank you
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