Monday, November 01, 2010

If It's November, It's Party Time!!

Welcome to November, you chuckleheads!!

This month is full of nothing but full throttle excitement. What do I mean? Now listen up, and dig it!!

First off, tomorrow, November 2nd , is Election Day. I know; I know…many of you who do vote, may have already voted, but me? I’m a purist.

Tomorrow I will walk to work at about 1:30 PM and on my way, stop at my polling place to let my nasally, twangy voice be heard in a political and metaphorical sense.

Strickland for Governor…yes!! Richard Cordray for Attorney General…yes!! All of the other races? Who the fuck cares!?

With any luck, I’ll be voting next to some hot, uptight, Conservative chick who is desperate for the high hard one, and is up for some chad dangling and cock-us-ing. I dig democracy in action.

Tuesday, November 9th is World Freedom Day and I plan on celebrating big time.

I’m going to go to work completely nekkid, pee in the streets, and grab a strangers tit in order to find out if I am truly free, or that the cops will be called and I find that true freedom is but a mere pipe dream.

November 11th is of course Veteran’s Day so...

I will honor the memory of those who have served in the defense of this great nation by buying a pair of Ralph Lauren Tyler Vintage Chinos which were $65.00 for only $10.99 at Macy’s Veteran’s Day Sale!! U-S-A!! U-S-A!!

What month doesn’t go by without another Jewish or Muslim holiday? November doesn’t disappoint, as we celebrate the Muslim holiday of Eid al-Adha. Damn right!!

Allahites everywhere will be honoring Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son, Ishmael, to God, but was given the kinder, gentler option by the Great Googly Moogly of Godliness of being allowed to kill a ram…or goat…or something.

I will celebrate by instead of killing my son Ryno, butchering my cat, Corky. If you’d like to join me, let me know; we’ll nosh on some really tender pussy together.

The big one this month is of course, Thanksgiving.

Americans everywhere will be eating turkey, drinking wine, chowing down on pumpkin pie, and precipitating a myriad of domestic violence calls on November 25th.

I think it is wonderful and appropriate that Thanksgiving falls during the same month as Native American Indian Heritage Month.

I guess I should work in a trip to a casino and develop small pox along with a mild case of cirrhosis of the liver in honor of all the heap big chiefs and squaws this month as well. How!!

Oh guess what else happens in November…I’m With Stupid will be airing every Friday at 11 PM Eastern all through November.

Now Bitches…tell me that ain’t big!! Uh-huh, thought so.

Jay and I will provide you with all of your November humor this month. So get stupid with us every Friday. And…

In case you missed it, you can listen to our Halloween show that we did this past Friday right here:

Have a wunnerful Monday and an even better, fun-filled month of November.



Mike said...

You know, if you join enough religions you could probably have a holiday every day of the year.

Jay said...

Damn. It IS going to be a busy month. I'm worn out just thinking about it.

Scott Oglesby said...

Religion is one of the strangest aspect of modern life. Sometime I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that so many people still believe… what they believe.

You better mail me some fucking turkey! Or at least some pussy.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Don't think that I haven't thought of that. Cheers Mike!!

Jay: I know. My liver is already whining about the rigorous celebration schedule that lies ahead. Cheers Jay!!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: But religion helps to make life make sense. The Arts and Sciences are fine, but c'mon...they're not God. Cheers Scott!!

Col. Bondo said...

...I love the smell of cat butchering in the morning...

Knight said...

Don't forget to light up a pack of American Spirits... or a field!

Feed Corky a lot of tuna before cooking so that you get the proper fishy flavor.

Raquel's World said...

Happy Holidays Matt- Man!

David said...

Leave Corky alone...Just go to your local chinese restaurant for some free-range organic pussy nicely spiced with some stir-fried veggies and rice.

Mike said...

@Scott - It's genetic. Get a book called "The God Gene" (the gene is VMAT2). The book doesn't judge, it just explains why some people are more religious than others.

Joker_SATX said...

I can appreciate a man who has his month day at a time.

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: It does have quite the unique aroma, no? Cheers P-Man!!

Knight: Damn. You are full of excellent advice today. Thanks and Cheers Knight!!

Raquel: Thank you and right back atcha. Cheers Roc!!

Matt-Man said...

David: In Bagwine, the Chinese eateries don't use cat...they use rat. Cheers David!!

Mike: That's cool, but a book about why some people are assholes would be more helpful. Cheers Mike!!

Joker: I try to be deliberate and thorough whenever possible. Cheers Joker!!