In Case You Haven't Noticed...

The fun and frivolity of Bagwine Ruminations have moved.

Matt-Man and Jayman have long since hooked up into a sordid, Crying Game type internet relationship and are now together, spreading the funny and bodily fluids as one.

Check them out over at I'm With Stupid

by

clicking

HERE

Cheers!! 

Happy Birthday Ryno!!

Jay and Matt-Man's Saturday edition of the I’m With Stupid radio started out with the intention of having a Self-Pity Party. 

But, circumstances changed and it ended up being most a rather awkward, yet endearing birthday celebration for The Creepy Kid Next Door.

CKND (aka Matt's son Ryno) called in, and as a surprise, Matt-Man had arranged to have a beautiful young lady with the voice of an angel also call in so she could sing “Happy Birthday.” 

It was a very special moment. Even if she is probably STILL shaking her head trying to figure just who the hell they are what that show was all about.

Then her mom called as did Mike AKA: “Mr. Excitement” and they shot the breeze for the rest of the show. So, instead of being depressing, the show will actually put a smile on your face. And when it comes down to it, that's all they want to do.

Hell, I even chimed in and was virtually phone raped...It was HOT!!

Give it a listen:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Zoooooves,

Schmoop

One On a Leash, and One Still in the Doghouse

I wanted everyone to know that I let the boys off the hook.

Well, Jay anyway. Matt-Man is still in the doghouse.

Why? Because he is the instigator of course.

Also, I couldn’t keep being mad what with all of Jay’s weeping. He even called me at work, sobbing. Sobbing people!! I couldn’t take it anymore.

So have a great weekend, and don’t forget to listen to “I’m With Stupid” on Blog Talk Radio, Saturday at 6:30 PM EDT.

The topic this week is phobias. I think we all have a few of those, so call in with yours at 661-244-9852.

Actually, Matt-Man asked me to list mine, but I ran out of paper, and the show is only 30 minutes.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got today. Mainly because it’s the end of the week, and I just don’t care.

Oh, a shout out to my big brother Dave. Happy 58th dude!

Zoooooves!!

With Friends Like These...

I have two “friends” that make fun of me all the time. They say they aren’t, that it’s all fun, that they love me, and all that disingenuous, craptastic bullshit.

I mean, with friends like these, you don’t need enemies.

Everyone knows them. They’re famous. One lives with me, and one lives in this box they call a computer.

That’s right, my two “friends” are Matt-Man, and Jayman from the I’m With Stupid radio show, and blog.

I should be used to being abused like this. I’ve never been what you’d call bright. I got picked on a lot. Especially when I got boobs in the 4th grade. By boobs, I don’t mean that I needed a training bra. I was 10 and needed a BRA.

Hell, my oldest brother would always tell me growing up that I was adopted. He sometimes still does. Or better yet, tells me I’m the milk man’s daughter.  My own sainted Mother would sometimes play along with it too. Or was she playing?

My brother David used to have neighborhood kids pay a quarter when I was a baby because I was a large baby, and my arms, and legs looked like twisted circus balloons. No joke.

Where the hell were my parents?

Who am I kidding. Dad was at work or at the bar, and since I was the sixth kid, Mom didn’t give two hoots. Joke people, I was her favorite, but obviously not at this time!

Sorry, I got off on a tangent....A tangent of pain. Where was I?

Oh yeah, my so called friends.

I don’t have many friends, so I just assumed the ones I did have liked me for me, quirkiness and all. I guess I was mistaken, and I am once again a small child reliving all the taunts, and being a pox on society.

I really don’t understand. I think they are the funniest, most talented, good looking guys out there in blog/radio land.

Ah well, back to hiding in the shadows of my severe mediocrity. Sigh.

Laugh clown, laugh.

Just kidding! These guys are assholes!

PS: I was totally not kidding about the family/childhood thing.

Zoooooves!!

Sheep, Goats, and Anonymity

It's Saturday folks and don't you miss those cartoons full of talking animals and the such?

Wile E. Coyote? Bugs Bunny? Porky Pig?

Well...

I don't have any of those classic characters for you today, but...

I do have the owner of the Beer Mine and locally renown farmer, Drive-By Mikey, educating us all on the subtle difference between the sound that sheep make, and the sound that goats make.

Enjoy...



I hope this has brightened your day just a bit, and if it hasn't or even if it has...

Make sure to listen to Jayman and Matt-Man on I'm With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio at 6:30 PM EDT tonight.

They have a guest in studio who thinks being anonymous on the internet is not only the way to go, but his right as well.

For further show details, go HERE.

Zoooooves!!

Into The Great, Wide Open

Praise Jeebus, there is a new, future Twitterer in our midst!

Just a short little shout out to the official fetus of the I’m With Stupid Show, who is now the official lovely baby boy, of the I’m With Stupid Show, and Twitter, and whatever the fuck else you people are on, family.

Average Chick, had a baby boy at 2:35 am Wednesday morning!

I don’t know much more than to say congratulations to Mommy and Daddy!

This has been a rough and challenging time for the AC family, and I for one, have been on pins and needles while praying for them.

Anyhoo…

Yay to Cletus!! Or Bob…or Matt…or John Boy Walton AstraZeneca…or whatever they decide to name him!

I don’t know Average Chick other than online, but I’m very, very happy for her and her husband.

So let the balloons, and confetti fly…It’s a celebration, Bitches!

I would also like to mention that the gauntlet has been thrown down by the Joker to the boys of I’m With Stupid for Saturday’s radio show.

You’ll just have to check out the I'm With Stupid website for details, and listen to the show Saturday at 6:30 PM EDT.

That’s all Ima gonna give ya.

Again, Congratulations to the AC family!

Zoooooves!!

Meet Me in St. Louis

I would like to dedicate this post to a friend.

At least, I hope he is my friend. You never know about this guy. He is very shy, and unassuming. Just an all around vapid quiet man.

I personally think he is fucking hilarious, and when I’m producing the radio show, I’m With Stupid, full time, he will be the featured guest. Alas, he will have to wait.

Did I just say producing? Well, yeah, but I do have to get permission from the hosts.

They love me, um…I think. It wouldn’t be actual producing per say, just thoughts, and, uh…shit. Ok, never mind.

He will only get to be the featured guest in my mind. (although he should be, just sayin‘).

Anyhoo…I love him, and his wife when she graces the show with her presence.

Will I reveal the source of this friend? Stay tuned.

Just kidding, lol.

This person is…Dour Mike from St. Louis!!! Yay!

His blog site is, Billions of Visions of Normal. I haven’t commented yet, because I just discovered it, but it’s a funny blog. So go there, now! I have commanded you.

Did that work? It better have.

Because if you don’t do my bidding, I’ll sick the Leprechauns on you. Yeah, I’ve got that kind of power, and these dudes are fucking scary. Pot of gold? Puhleeeeze. They will cut a bitch.

So there you go pretty people. Check the man out.

Zoooooves!!

He Said...She Said

A conversation between Matt-Man and myself from Friday…

Matt-Man: So Schmoop…I shaved my goat off, but it was an assident.

Schmoop: So you say. It looks…ok.

Matt-Man: It’ll all be back in a couple of days. I’ll take vitamins and hold my breath.

Schmoop: No need my good man. It’ll be back in, oh…twelve hours. You Mahoney’s are a hairy bunch. Including you sisters!

Matt-Man: Ha…Well just one of them; the other is fairly smooth…I mean…not that I know that intimately.

Schmoop: Ewwwww…I know both of your sisters, and well…ewwwwww.

Matt-Man: As much as you and I don’t like her, the younger one brought us together. Yet one more reason to hate her.

Schmoop: True dat, my friend, true dat. I didn’t always dislike her immensely. For real, she used to be my “friend”. Bitch can deep fry anything.

Matt-Man: And now…Although she is my sister, I wish she’d deep fry her head. Kidding of course…sorta.

Schmoop: HA! OMFG! That is way too funny. Too bad no one knows her like we do. Seriously, I love your entire family.

Matt-Man: That makes one of us.

Schmoop: Marty, Denny, Vince. Ok, maybe not Vince. That dude is a train wreck. In a good way…

Matt-Man: They are the bomb. John and Phil were too. Steve is amusing and a great artist, but eh? Sex tonight?

Schmoop: You know it. Oh, and pizza.

Matt-Man: Agreed…We are sooooooo deep, but the pizza is thin and oh so good.

Schmoop: Where’s the oregano?

Matt-Man: It’s on the tip of my---

Schmoop: Shut your mouth!!

Anyhoo…Check out the I’m Stupid Radio Show from Saturday right here: 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

It was hilarious and also very touching right at the end, as they gave a shout out to everyone’s friend Average Chick as she deals with a complicated pregnancy.

And…

Jayman and Matt-Man will no doubt re-create that Midas touch Monday at 11 AM EDT on Blog Talk Radio, so catch their show HERE, as they defile FOX News, the U.S. Women’s Soccer team, and...

Talk about the fact that Marcus Bachmann is allegedly gay.

Until tomorrow…My uterus is bleeding, but I have a song in my heart, and say unto you…

Zoooooves!!

Fear and Laughing in Bagwine

I hope yesterday’s post gave you all something to think about. It did me. As I re-read it, I cried again.

Quit being assholes. Start being nice. Stand up for each other. Stop tearing everyone down. If you can’t do that, then shut up.

Now, for something completely different…

I know this is going to sound like a shameless post for the I’m With Stupid blog, but I can’t help it.

I was privy, as no one else is, to the prepination of Jay and Matt’s IWS Radio Show that will air at 6:30 PM EDT this Saturday.

Tuesday is the day that the Matt-Man, and the JayMan come up with all of the wonderful, craptastic things they say.

Now…I’m on day two of my “vacation”. Sure, I’m a lazy bitch. Haven’t touched that those damn closets yet, but hey! I did go get coffee yesterday. That’s something, right? Right?

Anyhoodle, the phone call that took place in my living room…well let’s just say, I have not laughed so hard in a long time. Including tears people! Now that is some serious funny shit.

I wish, oh God do I wish, I could reveal to you the dumbfuckery comedic genius that goes into preparing for these shows. Actually these calls should be the show! Unfortunately, I am sworn to secrecy.

No, I really wasn’t, but I’m still hoping to be the babe of the week on IWS. So, I lied about the secrecy thing.

What? I can’t be a babe? Fuck that.

Also, this day rendered another call….a phone call to the Matt-Man’s son, Ryno. This kid really needs to be on the IWS show. Better yet, he needs his own show.

He is the funniest, nicest, and according to him, the sexiest man around. The chicks dig him…so he says.

And listen folks, just like the listening on the phone call between these two nut jobs, don’t give Matt-Man so much grief for talking about his desire to pick up middle school chicks on Facebook…

It’s humor people. You know, fun? Laugh! Really, you’re not going to break your face…probably.

I love to laugh. I thank you Matt, and Jay. I lost my shit today, and that’s just what I needed.

Have a wonderful Hump Day, and…

Zoooooves!!

Cornucopia

I have a cornucopia of things to share with you beautiful people today.

In other words…this is a post about nothing.

It is stock up week here in the Bagwine digs. By that, I mean a little extra money, and Mama gets whacky!

And…I’m off of work all fucking week, anyhoo…

I’ve been to two grocery stores, the Dollar Store to buy the essential things that make life easier on the Matt-Man, and myself. You know, cookies, Cap’n Crunch , and toilet paper. Why yes, I do have PMS.

Are you fucking looking at me? Oooooooo, but wait, there’s more!

At one grocery, I had an angry young man in front of me. At least, I thought he was angry, as he was throwing his canned goods in his cart like it was an Olympic sport.

Stanislav Dumbass from Bulgaria wins the Gooooolllld!! Oy!!

I also purchased the potent potables. It’s all good. I even cleaned the apartment! Well…I’m spent.

On the sports front, the yummy Derek Jeter (call me) scored, earned, got his 3000^th hit on Saturday. The only Yankee to achieve this goal. You know why he is the only Yankee to do this?

First, he’s incredibly hot (call me). Second, Babe Ruth was a drunk who ate too many hot dogs, and got too many hummers. Fourth, Lou Gehrig…nuff said, and Fifth, Mickey Mantle was a pussy.

I kid, I kid. Love the Yankees, every damn one of them. Seriously, the Cincinnati Reds blow. The Cleveland Indians…forget about it.

Why yes I’m drunk. Why do you ask? Stop looking at me. You’re judging me, aren’t you?

So...we’re supposed to have new cable put in this week so that the phone, and internet don’t go down 4000 times a day. 

Hope the guy that has this task doesn’t mind if I don’t have pants on, and that I’m drinking at 10:00 am. 

Do you suppose he will?

Fuck him.

I want to be serious for a moment. Please tune into I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio.

They are going to be live today (Monday) at 11 AM EDT,  Right HERE!! 

These two dudes are really the bomb. They are funny as hell, and sexy to boot. Also, go on their I'm With Stupid website, and say hey.

Maybe you can contribute a post of some sort. They could really use the hits. 'Cause, I am totally beating their asses on an already established blog. Hee!

If I had to start a blog from scratch..? 

Crickets my friends, crickets.

Until next time…

Zoooooves!!

Tuesday Morning Re-Cap

I’m back!! I know you are all glad, since we as we all know...Matt Man sucks!

We had a great time at the 3^rd/4^th of July celebration, held at the palatial estate of my favorite people evah!

Thanks to the Martster, and the MB for a great time.

One issue…Please!! For the love of God, could you make your yard level? So many hills, steps, and then…more hills!!

I couldn’t walk down or up if I was sober!

Fortunately, I had a sixty something man help me down the most beautiful slate steps you have ever seen. Luckily, he was half popped also, and related to the Matt Man…somehow.

To be truthful, they have the most beautiful place in the world. I asked MB, “If I move into your finally finished basement, would you even know?” 

She said, "Go ahead, and no, I wouldn't notice." 

That is how big it is, and how awesome they are.

I also want to give a shout out to a great person that was at this party.

I will not mention him by name, because he asked me not to, but he is one of the funniest men I have ever met. I am putting his wife in for a sainthood. Also…their kids are adorable.

Matt Man, was accosted by the ladies, of course.  Well…the ones who were 60 years old or older. Jesus, they flock to this man I tell you.

They all looked at me like I was The Lord of the Underworld, thinking to themselves: “How dare you be here with him!?” 

I guess I shouldn’t go to parties looking like my hot ass self.

I was off work Monday, and I shall be off all next week. I have taken into consideration all of your ideas for that week.

I have decided to have a major amount of sex, sleep, and occasionally going outside. You know for that whole fresh air thing. No fears though, that won’t last long. I hate fresh air.

I’d like to go off task for a moment, and mention to Matt Man’s stalker...

Stop it. He’s mine, and I screw him on a regular basis...Just sayin.

Anyhoo, I had a great weekend, and I hope you all did too.

Zoooooves!!

P.S. Do me a favor and listen to Jay and Matt Man’s Independence Day I’m With Stupid radio show from Monday. It was actually pretty damn funny, and well, they need the ratings.

Throw those two poor fuckers a bone. You can play it off my right sidebar on the Blog Talk Radio archive machine. 

Hell, just play it and mute the sound if ya want, so they get a hit registered. Those two assclowns are such ratings whores, but I wuv them. 

Independence Day

So…

It’s Friday once again my pretties, and the only people in the office are myself, and…my boss.

I’m just going to let that sink in for a moment.

Have you processed that little bit of information yet? Good…and thank you for your pity.

Much like the rest of this great country, it’s officially the holiday weekend here in Bagwine, and the beer will be flowing…so will the Chinese fireworks set off by my obnoxious neighbors at precisely 12 AM…2 AM…and 3 AM.

Why 3 AM instead of 4 AM, you ask, or you might not, whatevs…

It’s because Jim Bob and Durwood have finally realized that they are trashed, and need to finish up before they are discovered by the Po Po.

Oy!! This town of Bagwine, Ohio…let me tell ya.

A headline in our award winning newspaper yesterday reads:

“Ohio Patrol Warns Against Holiday Drunk Driving”

I figure…Hell, if it’s just a warning..?

I guess this has turned out to be a hodgepodge of utter bullshit, so…

I would like to take this time to direct you to the shiny new blog written by Jayman and Matt-Man: I’m With Stupid

Two great minds. One great blog. Lord help us all.

One funny thing about those two, though. They think that they can get more comments, and more hits than me.

Silly Boys.

Oh and don't forget...

I'm With Stupid airs Saturday at 6:30 PM EDT. 

Matt-Man may be flying solo on this episode, or if Time Warner craps out on us again, he may be flying no-lo.  Ha!!

Anyhoo..you can catch the show via their IWS Radio page HERE.

Have a wonderful 4^th of July Weekend, all…

Zoooooves!!

Michele Bachmann 2012...As If I Need More Noise In My Life

I woke up in the middle of the night Sunday/Monday with a sore throat, aches, chills, sweats, and a screaming headache. (Ed. Note: Suck it Up, Ya Big Puss.)

In fact, I felt nothing like hot, sexy, and naked Mila Kunis.

You know what that meant, right? No school for me! I mean, work.

I kinda missed it. For some odd reason I need that routine.  That schedule. 

Also, it’s summer so the windows were open (air is broken, fan is iffy), and the kids were screaming.

And just like the uber-hawt Jayman can attest to, the fucking lawn people were uh lawning, or something on Monday.

See, when I was only working three days a week in the year of our Lord 2009, I got used to the noise. Now…I want all noise and noise producers thereof, dead.

Our place has mostly dirt, and some grass. How many times do you have to go over that shit? Geez.

I don’t have a lot today, as I feel like ass. I find medicating in the late afternoon with beer is not all it’s cracked up to be, but yet I persisted.

The cat was whining because she had the “hots” because the AC wasn’trunning, and the kids wanted to “play” under my window, and under my window only.

I would however, like to give a shout out to Michelle Bachman.

Evidently, she announced on Monday morning that she will be running for the big office in 2012. 

Well bless her little pea picking heart! I love her. She is so pretty, and nice…and she’s from Iowa!

She’s a shoo in. Whatevs…

Sorry Matt Man, and Jayman…

I know the love you two ass clowns have for this cuckoo, but the chick is a nut...a whack job…a fruit loop…Ha! 

I sort of just mentioned kids cereals! I can’t wait to see how this is going to play out!

Bring back Bill! Bring back Bill!

That unfortunately is not going to happen, but he always has Hillary. Ewww.

Anyhoo my pretties, I have to go do, um…something. Mucho Appreciado, and..!

Don’t forget to go visit Jay and Matt-Man’s new I’m With Stupid site. Those dudes are way cooler than me…

Even though they dig Michele Bach-Maniac.

Zoooooves!!

I Dig Blogging Chicks And Two of the Funniest, Yet Gayest Heterosexuals in the World

Hello folks, and Happy Monday!

Oh who the fuck am I kidding. Mondays blow for everyone…regardless.

So what is on your agenda this fine day? Yeah, me too.

Hey, I forgot to mention something. Matt-Man. Are you ready for this? Has a new stalker! Hee!

That’s all I’m going to say about that. Hee!!

So if you’re like me, you are stuck in an office with bugs, crumbling, crippling front steps, bats, (yes I said bats) and asbestos flowing like rain.

Oh, you’re not like me? Well then my friends you have NO idea what you are missing! 

One good thing, my work cohort brings me the GRANDE cappuccino at least two times a week. Oh how I love the Speedway.

I’d like to give a shout out if I may, to several people. If I may. Bitches…please.

I’ve never done this, but since it is my blog, I’ve decided to acknowledge the talent, and funny shit of other blogs that I read all the time, but they do not know, because I never comment.

I only have something to say on my own blog, and of course on, I'm With Stupid. 

So on Mondays, I am and shall list three blogs that I read, and love. Check them out. Seriously, check them out, or I’ll cut ya.

Dooce is a given, morons. The bitch has a trademark for God’s sake! I love her, some do not. Jealous much? Yep.

Anyhoo, here is this week’s:

Trinity of Internets Talent…

Bye Bye Pie (June Gardens)

Mommy Wants Vodka (Aunt Becky)

I'm With Stupid
(I was forced…by Jay no less)

Next week, there will be three more. This is a public service announcement.

Kisses my Pretties, and until tomorrow, when the saga continues…

Zoooooves!!

P.S. Listen to my boys Jay and Matt-Man on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio Monday at 11:00 AM EDT. 

They will be talking about New York’s gay marriage bill, and I’m sure they will mention Michele Bachmann a time or two. God only knows why…

You can check out their radio page HERE, and their new companion IWS website by clicking HERE.

Let's All Go To The Grocery, and See What's Good To Eat

Thank you all for your kinds words on yesterday’s post. I really don’t know what triggered that memory, but there you go. You’re welcome. ; )

Now, in keeping with the tradition of Bagwine Ruminations, I need to do something with no redeeming social value whatsoever. Actually, it probably won’t even make sense.

Are you in? Good!!

Say we’re in the same grocery store, and say…I happen to be one of those nosemary types (shut up, Matt!!); what would I find in your grocery cart?

In mine, nearly every week, you will find the following…

Frozen pizzas, frozen hamburgers or chicken patties, frozen fries (I’m sensing a theme), lunch meat, bread, cheese, and gum.

There are also times when you would find ice cream, cookies, and donuts. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. 

After all, I have been known to buy lettuce and tomatoes on occasion in order to balance everything out.

Y’know?

One of my all-time fave TV show quotes, and I have many, is:

“The way I see it…Unless we conform, unless we obey orders, unless we follow our leaders blindly, how can we ever hope to be free?”

--Maj. Frank Burns (M*A*S*H)

Speaking of TV, hey all you Seinfeld fans out there…

Tell me that a day doesn’t go by that something happens to you that doesn’t remind you of a Seinfeld episode. Holy Fuck, every damn day in my world it happens.

I told you that this post would make no sense. It’s like a stream of consciousness without the cohesiveness. What? Huh? Anyway…

Before I get too weird (again, shut up, Matt) I give you this picture because I like it…

Okay my pretties…Have a great weekend, and do me a favor if you would.

Please go visit the new I’m With Stupid website put together by my two favorite morons, Jay and Matt-Man. They need your help to get it going, because seriously…

Even with the picture of that dim witted bimbo in between them, their numbers as far as hits and reads, lag wayyyyy behind those of yours truly.

You can visit their new site by clicking HERE.

Zoooooves!!