It’s going to be another gray (of course) Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio but not as gray as things are in Egypt.
All across Egypt, people with last names like Massri, Sawlaha, and Rahotep are storming bazaars, raping goats, and kicking ancient sand into the face of Hosni Mubarak.
The protests taking place in the cradle of slavery, incest, and fines for overdue library books, are growing more violent by the hour.
Now the pundits and talking heads vacillating in the realm of the 24/7 cable news cycle will tell you that the protests are taking place for several reasons, and…they are wrong.
They will mention inflation, unemployment, and the iron hand of President Mubarak as the causes of the acting out of hate and despair.
I happen to live down the hall from an Egyptian-American by the name of Ptolemy Jones and he has imparted the actual reasons for Egypt’s current internal strife.
Here are the actual reasons for the revolutionary actions plaguing the country…
Just recently, Egyptian State TV began airing Jersey Shore: Season One. I mean, if that’s not cruel, I don’t know what is!!
Many Egyptians are demanding that the name Tutankhamen come back into vogue for all first born males.
Residents of Cairo are screaming: "I've got a mule and her name is Sal, and I want my 15 miles of the Suez Canal."
The populous is upset that the government doesn’t have enough national pride to fix the nose on The Sphinx.
After the crazy bastards in Tunis chased their leader out of their country, Egyptians everywhere yelled,
“There’s no way in hell, we’re gonna be outdone by those damn, dirty Tunisians!! We’re Egypt Dammitt!!"
Only now, years after his passing, Egyptians have just found out that Yul Brynner has died and is not coming back.
After 30 years of ruling with a feigned caring of the Egyptian people, citizens of Egypt discovered that Mubarak had been running nothing more than an evil, self-serving Pyramid Scheme.
As you can understand…
Those are all good reasons to overthrow a government, but I asked my buddy Ptolemy Jones,
“Isn’t there something more? What is the overriding theme that coalesces the protestors into a force to be reckoned with?”
His reply was simple…
When Ptolemy told me that…the violence all made sense.
Amen, and Amen…
Have a wonderful Sunday folks. Until tomorrow…