Monday, March 28, 2011

Better Homes and Gardens: I'd Starve Without You

Those of you who have read me for awhile, know that I love to cook. I enjoy inventing new dishes with whatever we may have on hand. I also like looking at cookbooks, and often, people will pass them along to me. I was looking at one last night that Schmoop's brother had given me a couple of years ago. It is the gayest, most simplistic damn cookbook I have ever read. It was pissing me off that more than a few people certainly got paid to put this haggis smelling piece of shit together. The cookbook? the Better Homes and Gardens Big Book of 30 Minute Dinners
A third grader could have penned and published this roll call of remedial recipes. Now dig it... Did you know that one can pop some frozen fish fillets in the oven and when done, place them on buns with tomato, cheese, and the condiment of one's choice, and serve them up as sandwiches for those, "hectic Saturdays?"
Looks yummy, and if I can overcome my fear of trying dishes, I may try to make one of these new-fangled,“fish sandwiches.” I don’t know about you, but Schmoop and I are always disappointed that our breakneck schedules do not allow us to enjoy a good, steaming beet dish. Well folks, I am happy to announce that our disappointment has turned to joy thanks to Better Homes and Gardens…
Instead of lying awake at night wondering when your next sumptuous bowl of beets will tickle your palate, you can rest assured that a big bowl of Borscht is but 30 minutes away. Now in all fairness, there is one recipe in the book that I liked. I have always wanted to have sex with my sexy buddy Dianne, but never knew quite how to get her into bed. Better Homes and Gardens gave me the recipe and road map on how to do just that…
If only they had gotten the spelling of her name correct, and one other thing…It wouldn’t be over in a mere 30 minutes. I would be slooooow cookin’. Anyhoo… I think it’s a shame that a book like this gets published, and more so that I’m sure people paid good money for it. Just throw a brand name on a piece of drivel and it sells…I joke about it, but it kinda makes me mad. Maybe I should write my own cookbook…
Because just like my Titaroni Pasta Bake that you see above, at least the recipes would be original. A Fish Sandwich? Really? Cheers!!

21 comments:

Matt-Man said...

I HATE fucking Blogger!!

Michele said...

Amen to the hating on Blogger. It lost a couple of my photos today also.

I feel the same way about most cookbooks though I still continue to buy them. Sometimes you find a gem. Mostly, I turn to my 45 year old Joy of Cooking. Someday I may need to know how to field dress a boar.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Oy. It won't let me edit as I usually do, hence I have like four run on paragraphs that are intended to be split up as I usually post. Damn!! Anyhoo...

I love cookbooks too, but wow...This one is a joke. Cheers Michele!!

Beth said...

Hmmm...Did I write that cookbook? That fish sandwich sounds awfully familiar, just sayin ;)

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: Ha...I think nearly everyone has written that recipe, I didn't realize that it needed to be published. Plus, your recipe includes copious amounts of Looooove...or something. Cheers and Zoooooves!!

Jay said...

I have a cookbook for bachelors somewhere that explains how to make a bowl of Campbell's Soup.

Maybe we could do an "I'm With Stupid" cookbook. We could serve up some recipes with a side order of social commentary.

And you could let people know which flavor of WIR goes best with each meal.

Matt-Man said...

We could do that this week. I often thought of doing a cookbook/cooking show geared towards singles or couples who live in small aprtments. Cheers Jay!!

Dana said...

I've just stopped blogging - no frustration with blogger for me!

Does that 30-minute fish sandwich recipe include preheating the oven? Or does that step make it a 34 minute meal??

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Well there ya go. That's one way around the Blogger Hate. I dunno...They didn't write the pre-heating part down, so I'm lost. Cheers Dana!!

Dianne said...

I would really love to try that pork thingie

Happy Belated Birthday to uber sexy Schmoop

MysteryChick said...

You should definitely do an "I'm with Stupid" cooking show!

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Yum-Oh...I'll get a baster and stop by soon. I'll bring the olive oil and my libido. Cheers Sexy !!

Chick: We did a quasi-one lonnnng ago, I think it may be time to do so again. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

I need to know how to make a moosewich.

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: Well you won't find it in this book, but I'll make sure to work something up for ya. Cheers P-Man!!

Desert Rat said...

Ha! An IWS Cookbook would be HILARIOUS!

How about a show about our favorite sandwiches? Or where to GET the best sandwiches... I really like sandwiches. Geez, now I really WANT a sandwich...

Wait, what was this post about?

Matt-Man said...

Rat: That's a good idea. We are sandwich freaks here as well. I could skip a "regular" meal or something "fancy" and eat a really good sandwich every damn night. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Mike said...

McDonalds makes better fish sandwiches than I would. And the clean up is easier.

David said...

Hmmm...that picture on the cover - I don'think that was possible in 30 minutes unless one bought it at the local deli and rushed home to reheat it in the microwave.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: I'll tell you what, when they are hot, the Filet O Fish is a thing of beauty and I mean that. Cheers Mike!~!

David: That was taken at a restaurant...The book itself is crap. Not really on the pic...but still. Cheers David!!

sybil law said...

Stop picking on beets! I love beets!

But that cookbook is hysterical. Did it also have a Cheez -Whiz and crackers appetizer recipe?

The last photo looks delicious!

Matt-Man said...

The last photo was my creation so they can suck it. And ha, yeah, I think there a PBJ recipe as well. Cheers Hot Lips!!