Monday, March 07, 2011

Moderately Happy National Average Day !!

Forty-three years ago today, an average child was born into an unassuming family after his mom went through an uneventful labor.

Upon his joyous yet unspectacular entry, his parents wanted him to go through life with some sense of humility and anonymity, so…

Noticing that this boy was born on 3/7 they added the numbers together, and named him after the tenth letter of the alphabet: “J”

Not Jayson…Not Jay…Simply…J.

When J was seven and in the 1st grade…

He suffered scorn and ridicule from his classmates, and yardstick beatings at the hands of his teacher Mrs. Langston for his less than monosyllabic name and only then did his parents change his name to Jayson, which was later colloquialized to simply, Jay.

But the die had been cast. Jay was destined to become, The Average Man.

Throughout his High School years, everyone got along with him, because well…no one really had an opinion about him, good or bad.

Academically, as typical for a guy of his averageness, he finished smack dab in the middle of his HS class upon graduation.

He repeated graduating in the middle of his class at the University of Arkansas, proving that the depth, breadth, and consistency of his averageness, was greater than that of Old Man River or Bert Convy.

After leaving college, his professional path has led him down and through an innocuous maze of not-so-demanding mid-level jobs and his vocational history mirrors that of his personal life.

A typical morning will begin with a breakfast of two eggs over medium, two strips of bacon that are not underdone nor overcooked, and a piece of toast with a modicum of butter.

Before he heads out to casually meet the day, Jay will rest a can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew on the pilot light of his stove, so when he’s ready for dinner, it will be neither too hot, nor too cold…but just right.

He likes the company of women, but in a non-threatening way. Jay actually is kind of smitten with Asian women.

Not because they are exotic or anything, but because as we all know, all Asians look the same.

He specifically prefers Chinese and North Korean women because as Communists, they not only look the same…they act the same, and their respectful silence kinda turns him on. But not too much.

Now when Jay started blogging some years ago, he tried to deny his averageness by calling himself, the Cynical Bastard, however…

After five plus years of blogging, he like a leopard, could not change his spots, and re-monikered himself as who he truly is…Every Day Jay.

So, here’s to Jay.

When he dies years from now, I hope his memorial marker reads…

“Here lies Jay. He was all of a kind.”

Thanks for making me laugh, making me write better bits, and being my friend. Happy Birthday, buddy.

And to all of you on this day that Jay has inspired, I wish you a Happy, yet not overly happy, National Average Day.

Now go wish Jay a Happy Birthday by clicking HERE…just don’t be too ostentatious about it.

Cheers!!

19 comments:

Jay said...

This was hilarious. You wild and crazy guy you!

... and their respectful silence kinda turns him on. But not too much.

Ha! That literally made me LOL.

Thanks for the b-day post buddy.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha. Anytime Jayman. I'll get really drunk today and call you..Oh wait...It's your birthday. You get really drunk and call me. Happy Birthday Jay!!

sybil law said...

This was an average post about a mediocre guy...
Ha!
Of course not - it was awesome and hilarious and Jay's awesome, too - for an old fucker.
Happy Birthday, Jay!

Matt-Man said...

Sybil: Ha. Your comment as always, was so warm...so human. Cheers Hot Lips!!

Mike said...

1A 2B 3C 4D 5E 6F 7G 8H 9I 10J
Just checkin'.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: I did my research thouroughly on that one. Cheers Mike!!

Raquel's World said...

And I say to celebrate Jay that snowy pic should become his new profile pic. I think its a cute one. Happy Bday Jay!

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: As nice as it is, I hope not. I am tired of looking at snow for awhile. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Beth said...

Great post to a great friend! Big shout out, and Happy Birthday to the Jayman!!

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: You are too kind...Now...How's the ferret? Is he still puking? Cheers and Zoooooves!!

Beth said...

YES! Much Loves!!

Matt-Man said...

Schamoop: Dammit...I still have much Zoooooves. Cheers Schmoop!!

Ena said...

Oh, that was excellent - sort of. I'm going to wish the Jayman a Happy Nativity, right now!

Matt-Man said...

Ena: Ha...It doesn't make for a post and this was all based on something Jayman said to me a month ago. I work magic with little. Sometimes. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Lu' said...

Happy Hoppy Birthday Jay. May you feel the love everyday and not just from yourself :)

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Good luck to Jay with that. Cheers Lu!!

MysteryChick said...

Nice post Matt-Man, I'm headed over to Jays place now with some virtual cake, ice cream and hugs and kisses.

Matt-Man said...

Chick: Why thank ya dear, If I'm not mistaken, the bar will still open when you get there as well. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Knight said...

It makes me long to be Asian.