Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Rain, Randomness, and Wild Irish Rose

All of the rain and cold temps we have had and continue to have, has seemingly waterlogged my grey matter and doused my synapses.

I can’t think straight. All I see is a misty fog clouding my view out the window and through osmosis clouding my mind…

Time for some Wild Irish Rose induced randomness and stream of consciousness to clear the old think melon.

On top of the god awful weather we’ve been having, as I type this, there’s either a chick with a huge dildo pleasuring herself above me on the third floor, or some dude with incredible stamina is bangin’ the hell out of her.

Either way, I don’t appreciate it, because I haven’t had sex in two or three weeks, and won’t for at least a another week. Keep in mind, that’s like seven years in a dog’s life…or something.

Some people in my life get angry or upset when I am not in a good mood, because they always expect me to Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky. I get really tired of that expectation at times. I just never say anything about it.

I had a funny thought the other day.

I wrote on Facebook…

“I traded the guy down the street the Bagwine car for his carnival/county fair type concession trailer. I should have thought the deal out more, because now I have nothing with which to pull the trailer.”

That’s some funny shit right there, boy.

Even though I am a Liberal, I feel sorry for the Republicans. They just can’t seem to find a good candidate to run against Obama in 2012. 

So, being the selfless kinda guy that I am, I am going to become a Republican and run as their GOP candidate.

Of course, I have to get into a Republican frame of mind so…

I am going to have a baby with the maid…have gay sex…marry a chick and then divorce her as she lies dying in bed with cancer, and then have my parents (who are both dead by the way) pay them all off to the tune of $96,000 dollars a piece.

After that, I will appear with John Hagee, Rod Parsley, and Franklin Graham, and they can all attest to my lifelong family values and Christ-like virtuosity.

GOP problem solved, so…know your role and open wide Michele Bachmann, Matt-Daddy is in the driver’s seat and you’re gonna be my Vice-Presidential running mate.

Back to my funk…I have so soured in my attitude on life that I have even eschewed pictures of big tits. They just don’t do anything for me anymore.

I see big tits come through the Beer Mine. Everyone and their mother put their boobs on Twitter on Wednesdays under the guise of support of Breast Cancer Awareness.

Oy…Big tits are a dime a dozen.

If I do want to see a sexy picture these days, I am more into this type of shot…
Yeah I like that…Anyhoo…

Jayman and I do not simply do one I’m With Stupid show a week on Blog Talk Radio on Saturdays at 6:30 PM EDT, we just began doing a second show on Mondays at 11 AM EDT.

In case you missed our inaugural Monday show, you can catch it by utilizing this handy dandy BTR machine:

Have a Happy Hump Day, and as always…



Mike said...

I'm going to have a tshirt made for you.


Anonymous said...

I say form a new party...I bet you can take the big tamale!

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Ha. Very good. But I also have to be able to tell myself that. Cheers Mike!!

Joker: I would but that takes too much effort. If I run as a Republican I already have my own cable network. FOX !! Cheers Joker!!

Jay said...

I posted on Facebook last week that "Boobies aren't everything" and it turned out to be quite controversial. I never realized how difficult it was to be a leg and ass man until I got into social media.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha. I dig boobies, but c'mon...Some chicks place their entire sense of attractiveness, or lack thereof, into a big rack.

I guess, in a way that's smart of women like that because they know they are limited in other areas of their whole being. Did I just fucking say that? Cheers Jay!!

MysteryChick said...

Matt-Man for President!

I'm in a funk too, this weather is killing me. Thanks for the smile!

Raquel's World said...

Funny that you said....
"Some people in my life get angry or upset when I am not in a good mood, because they always expect me to Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky. I get really tired of that expectation at times. I just never say anything about it."

Last night when I read your facebook post I got irritated with you bc you were complaining about the weather.
Ironic that I would get irritated about someone complaining.
But it is least I expect a happy Matt-Man at all times.
I'll work at that.

Matt-Man said...

Chick: Sorry to hear that Chick, and of course, thank YOU for the smile. Cheers Sexy!!

Raquel: Ha, See?...Usually I hold all of my irritation in. Somtimes I just have to let it go, 'lest my head assplode. But anyhoo, I dig ya. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Desert Rat said...

I have the same issue, m'dear. It's like I'm not allowed to have problems. I'm the one everyone else complains to. I'm working on it.

Hey, I just sent you something in your email, Mr. President! Ha!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Ha...I got it and remember it. And much like you my dear, I am the Human Sounding Board, which I don't mind, but once in awhile, c'mon...let ME be pisseed. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Dianne said...

you can be as bitchy/whiny/irritated/grumpy as you want with me
I'll just spank you til you feel better

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Oh Baby!! That would hurt so good. Cheers Sexy!!