Monday, May 16, 2011

Time Marches On...And Marches All Over Me!!

Welcome to the work week chuckleheads; mine began yesterday…or was it Friday? Hell I don’t know; allow me to ‘splain.

I am now working at the Beer Mine seven days a week…every week. It’s kinda wacky and well, throwing me for a time management loop which granted, I never had much skill in that area to begin with.

Now I am not working eight hours a day every day only two are eight hour days. 

Some are four, some are five hours, and its probable that here and there a couple of the shorter days will be nine hour days if Mikey needs to drill some beans or more likely, one of his hogs.

Anyway…I’m not complaining about the schedule, in fact, I kinda dig it, but it throws a wrench into things.

Between working every day, trying to write a blog, working time in with Ryno, and doing a Blog Talk Radio show, I’ve become the human embodiment of the empirical school of thought of Locke, Hume, and Berkeley.

I am but a blur of never ending sensory experiences that meld into one, and leave me with nothing…or everything…or um…something…like that.

Hell, I don’t even see nor speak to Schmoop that much these days, let alone get naked with her.

So, not only am I busy, I’m busy walking around with a prostate in need of some serious decompression, and she with a cooter hungrier than the combined appetite of all the contestants at a Nathan’s Hot Dog eating competition.

I am floundering in a maze of time that has no ending nor a beginning. I am sitting on the second hand on the clock of life and I am getting dizzy…

I need a personal assistant!!

Send me your application and we’ll chat.

I would have Schmoop be my assistant, but what with her working 40 hours a week, doing laundry, and the churning of the butter duties, she’s tied up…well she should be, because she is so damn hot lookin’ when she’s rendered immovable in a compromising position.

So anyway, send me your app and we will discuss as to the ways in which you can help me out of this downward spiral of disorganization.

I need it now more than ever, because my buddy Jayman and I, beginning today, are doing TWO I’m With Stupid shows a week on Blog Talk Radio.


In addition to our Saturday at 6:30 PM EDT show, which you can and should listen to here:

You can now, beginning this Monday and every Monday, listen to us live on Blog Talk Radio at 11 AM EDT, and I hope you do so by clicking HERE.

So there you have it. Help me out and listen to I’m With Stupid in the archives and live today as well at 11 AM EDT.

Don’t let THE MAN keep this brutha down.



Betty said...

On I'm With Stupid, if you move yourself much closer, you'll be broadcasting from Jayman's lap! See? I'm listening. lol

Mike said...

'serious decompression'

My vet does this squeeze thing with my dogs scent gland. I'm sure he could help you out. Or maybe just a good ol' prostate exam!

Matt-Man said...

Betty: I wish we had a prize for you because I've intentionally been moving ten miles or so closer to Jay every show opening and you are the first one to have notcied. Ha. Cheers Jaymom!!

Mike: That sounds quite effective however I think simply spending some naked time with Schmoop would be much more fun. Cheers Mike!!

Knight said...

I would like to submit an application. My current position as personal assistant to a wealthy family is getting boring. I think my skill set would be far more fitting to your needs. I can have Schmoop securley tied up and thrown over her buttre churning barrel within two minutes and I'm great at taking dictations ;) so you can write your blog from work.

Matt-Man said...

Knight: much do you charge, because're hired. Cheers Knight!!

MysteryChick said...

Dude, you're as busy as a one-armed wallpaper hanger! (My grandmother used to say that all the time, one of my favorite sayings of hers.)

I'd love to be your assistant but I'm afraid there's not enough hours in the day. Good luck!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: Thanks. If some time opens up for you, let me know. We'll make the necessary arrangements. Cheers Chick!!