I really must return to work. I must, even if no one is there. I don’t care.
Ok, enough. I must tell you all what happened to me today. It was pure fuckery. Not dumbfuckery, just, um, plain fuckery. Yeah that’s it.
Oh, the day started out innocently enough. Matt-Man went to see his son. I saw him off with a cup of coffee and a kiss. I then went about my day.
Who the fuck am I kidding..?
I had no idea that the man left. I got up at 11:00, checked my blog, and opened a beer. This, my friends, is vacation.
“You know Beth, you really need to do something today. Anything. Um…for real.”
For God’s sake, I haven’t worn makeup in three days, and my eyebrows have taken over my face. God, I’m pathetic.
So I took a shower, threw a ball hat on, and went to the bank. Where I waited, and waited.
Evidently, one teller had run out of money, so there was only one working. How in the Sam Hell do you run out of money in a bank? So, I wait.
Finally…I’m out of the bank, then I’m headed to mail my bills. That went off without a hitch. Of course it did. They’re bills.
I’m now on the way to the Beer Mine, because I need beer, smokes, and a lighter.
Someone, not naming names, couldn’t remember to get me a lighter. Oh, no. Just because he works there, and by the way sold six lighters yesterday alone…Assmunch.
I went thru…Drive By Mikey starts showing me his leg. Par for the course, when I’m alone. Even when I’m not. The man is shameless. Also adorable. Hi Mikey!
So I give him my order, ask Pizza Bill why he is there…duh working. My brain is seriously lacking in cells.
Well to make a long story longer, I asked for a lighter. A simple thing, just something to light my cancer sticks with.
I should have known when Mikey handed me my smokes with the lighter under them, that I would have a problem.
I didn’t say a word, but this lighter…is…diarrhea brown.
I guess this is the color they can’t get rid of. People reject this color. Me? I just figured it fit with the way my day was going.