Monday, August 15, 2011

My Uterus

So here we are back together again on a fucking Monday.

I know Mike...everyday is Saturday to you. At least here in Ohio, we don’t have that freaky arch. Shivers, ick.
How was your weekend? Mine you ask? Well thank you...

It was good. Except…none of my open letters, prayers, or the freaking goat sacrifices were enough to keep Syd from coming to town.

Upon the suggestion of my bestest friend from New York, Dianne, (even though she lives in Jersey, don’t judge, she’s still a Yankees fan.), I have re-named my uterus Ursula.

Anyhoodle, I still had a great weekend. Lots of debauchery, in the form of “I’m With Stupid” on Blog Talk Radio. If you haven’t listened to this show, you’re stupid, and to take a line from Ryno, so’s your FACE.

Lots, and lots of drinking, and a stupid bitch on a motorized scooter at the local Kroger trying her damn best to kill me. 

Why yes, I was drunk at 11:30 Saturday morning doing my shopping. This totally explains that kumquat in the fridge.

Seriously, she just would cut me off, and stare like it was her God given right. Bizarre.

Other than the fact that I woke up on Sunday in desperate need of a Bloody Mary, a good time was had by all. By all, I mean me. That’s all that really matters right? Me. Of course.

I dare you to disagree. Don’t fuck with Ursula. Really, don’t. I tried it once…shudder.

Zooooves!!

6 comments:

Mike said...

Hey the Arch is a thing of entertainment for us. Tourists go up in that thing all the time and get.. you know... stuck!!! BWAHAHAHAHA.

That always makes the news. Tourists stuck half way up leg of Arch for hours. People at the top can't get down. No pottys at the top. Double BWAHAHAHAHAHA

IWS Radio said...

Ursula Bloooowwwwwwz. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Beth said...

Mike: OMG! That is hilarious! I would actually pay money to see that! Unless I had to go up in the arch. Shudder.

Matt: I know, I know. Zoooves.

bobbybegood1 said...

What is wit you and shopping. First, supermaket with people with their dirty hands eating food, now this. Maybe you should get Matt-Man to do the family shopping? Cheers B!!

Beth said...

Chick: I know! It's like these freaks follow me! I can't have him do it. He'd come home with one roll of toilet paper, and a carrot.

David said...

What is with the world and these crazy people like the one on the scooter? Somehow they seem to be everywhere defying all logic...logic which of course they don't understand in the least.