Friday, August 12, 2011

An Open Letter To My Uterus

Dear Syd,

I have a favor to ask of you. Oh, I know we’ve never gotten along in the past, but can’t we let bygones, be bygones?

The thing is, Matt-Man and I have these fucked up work schedules, and we never get to see each other except for Friday and Saturday nights.

Also, as you know, I have a sleeping issue.

Oh sure, we have a good time drinking and catching up with each other’s week, and shit like that. However…

Naked Twister needs to be played up here in the crib…if you know what I mean.

Also, I’d really not like to feel like a major failure for once, as you come at really inconvenient times.

Today is the beginning of the weekend, and you are due any motherfucking minute.

I beg of you, please hold out until Sunday?

I will be eternally grateful. I’ll even stop calling you names, and threatening to cut you out my own damn self with a rusty coat hanger.

Please?

Who am I kidding; you don’t care.

You’re not even listening, but I thought I’d give it a shot. You’ll do what you want; you always do. You suck! Kidding, kidding. Hee Hee?

But, I do need to do the horizontal mambo with my man, so just wait it out, or Ima cut a bitch.

Yours in Christ,

Beth

Zoooooves!!

10 comments:

IWS Radio said...

I just licked the picture of your ass and said, "Please Jesus, make her be of non-bleeding soil this weekend."

Because of my actions, you know that we are both hosed, and not by each other.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Beth said...

Matt: I know. It sucks, doesn't it? Zoooves.

Jay said...

I was going to really let your uterus have it here in comments. But, I don't think I should. One of the things I'm working on doing, is not overreacting to things and stepping back and making sure before I say something.

So, in fairness, I think I should wait and hear your uterus' side of the argument before I form any opinions on this matter. I'm just trying to be fair and reasonable here.

Beth said...

Jay: Ha! You know what my uterus'side of the story is? It's "Fuck you, Beth."

MysteryChick said...

I hate my uterus. Especially today.

Beth said...

Chick: You too? God, it's a fucking epidemic!!

Mike said...

So with MysteryChick and you and who knows how many more it's like half time at the Super Bowl. One gigantic flush.

Dianne said...

perhaps if you gave her a different name she's start to feel prettier and she'd listen

how about Ursula?

David said...

I feel badly for women and the regular sheddding and just when you have endured it all you can stand mentalpause shows up.

I love the "yours in christ" line

Hope Ursula waits until you enjoy the weekend

Cheers

Beth said...

Mike: Ha! OMG! You never fail to crack me up;)

Dianne: Where in the holy hell have you been? I've missed you. Ursula it is. I still don't think the bitch will listen:)

David: I thank you for you concern my good man. Menopause can't come soon enough in my book. Oh by the way, Christ didn't listen either.