Thanksgiving: Mucho Thank-O

Happy Thanksgiving!!

As I type this, I am drinking some joe and chuckling at Schmoop’s bed head.

I have to work 10 A.M.-2 P.M. in order to make sure that the Bagwine pilgrims and pilgirlz have plenty of ale on hand with which to wash down their fowl.

I mentioned yesterday, that our Bagwine T-Day feast will consist of some type of fast food this year. Pizza was high on the list of probable choices.

Well last night, Pizza Bill stopped by work and dropped off a hefty amount of leftovers of his fan-damn-tastic pizza so we ate much of that last night. (Thank you very much by the way, Mr. Bill.) Thusly, no pizza today, well…I’m sure we’ll finish Bill’s up, but you know…

So, I think our Thanksgiving feast may consist of an array of delicacies from Taco Bell. That’s right, an American tradition celebrated with fast food ala Mexico.

It does make sense in a way. Just think…

If today was the first time that the pilgrims and Indians were gathering for a friendly feast to celebrate good will and the abundance of their harvest, who is it that would have harvested the crops?

Damn right…Migrant Mexican vegetable pickers. “Tote thy okra and load yonder maize, Paco. Here’s a dram of Sorghum for your troubles!!”

See…there is a connection…or something. Anyhoo…

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. In order to help you enjoy your Thanksgiving feast even more, please remember this:

When you scoop up a big spoonful of cranberries, look closely at them. Tell me they don’t look like hemorrhoids. Uh-huh. Food for thought from the Matt-Man.

Enjoy folks, and…

Cheers!!

Thanksgiving: Breaking Tradition

The holiday season kicks off tomorrow with Thanksgiving, and guess what?

I’m working!! Eh, it’s no big deal. I asked Little Bill if I could work four of his hours at the Beer Mine on Thanksgiving and he said, “sure.” At least I think he did; the little fucker mumbles. Anyhoo…

I need extra hours and it’s only 10 A.M. until 2 P.M., so what the hell?

Does this impinge on the celebration for my BFF/OSP, Schmoop and I? Noooooo.

We had already decided that this year between my deflated lung and ever inflating bills (made even more buoyant by my spa stay at the hospital) that we would be subdued.

No perfectly cooked turkey or scalloped corn cooked by moi. And, no undercooked (yet adorable) green bean casserole and burnt (albeit sexy) rolls ala Schmoop.

So, when I get done working at 2 on Thanksgiving, I am going to pick up either pizza, Taco Bell, or some other deliciously greasy fast food and tote it home to my uber-hot Indian Maiden.

We’ll have a few drinks, watch some football, and talk about nothing.

There won’t be a traditional feast, but we’ll be feasting on food we love. There won’t be a seasonally adorned dinner table. Instead, she’ll eat while laying on the floor and I on the couch.

Corky will conduct her typical sniffing of our food prior to going to sleep in the chair after she finds that what we are eating is not chicken, so it doesn’t suit her “sophisticated palate.”

(The same “sophisticated” palate that has no problem tasting her own butt or hoo-ha during her frequent bathing.)

Schmoop will call her mom. I will probably call some family, and then as darkness sets in, we will both turn in for the night.

Sounds mundane, no? I don’t know…

While there is no extravagant culinary experience, there is food. We have a warm, safe place to lay our heads so there is no fear of the darkness.

Most importantly, while our guest list consists of only Schmoop and I, we are far from being alone.

And really, other than those simple things what more is there to be thankful for? Not much.

Okay, some sex would be good, but well…I’m still injured.

Cheers!!

Thanksgiving Recipe: Football, Food, and Hold the Blathering

I am looking forward to this Thanksgiving more than any other in recent memory.

Why? Because I have become so fucking bored and addle-minded due to all of the political punditry, prognostication, and repetition of the same vapid crap on the cable “news” shows.

Thanksgiving will offer me a respite from all of this.

Health Care…Anymore, when an “in-the know” panel begins to discuss and debate Health Care reform, my eyes glaze over…my ass hole tightens…and the left side of my upper lip twitches.

I hope that if anything in this area does gets passed, that my syndrome will be covered.

But nothing substantial, if anything will get passed. And why should it? If there is nothing in any proposed bill to control costs, what’s the damn point?

I think my breaking point on this entire issue was when the Senate debated eight hours on a vote that would allow debate on the Senate bill.

And here I thought that our legislators were already there to debate such issues. Silly Matt-Man. Pffffft.

Sarah Palin…Oh Dear GAWD!! I can’t believe I am saying this, but…I am sick of hearing from and about Sarah “Lame and Dull” Palin. I know, she is a source of comedy, but her empty-headedness has reached the point of the mundane.

She’s not going to be President. She’s not a force to be reckoned with. She’s a half-term iglooramus that is going to make a lot of money and have a talk show some day.

Good for her, now go make a made for TV movie of her life and show it on the Lifetime Network.

Lifetime could debut her movie right after a showing of the TV cinematic event…God’s Favorite Vegetable: The Terri Schiavo Story.

Ugh…It’s the same old shit. Climate change. I don’t really care. I mean, I want a clean, freely spinning on its axis Earth, but stop the moaning and gnashing of teeth folks. We’ll live to see another day.

And now? There’s the this whole Afghanistan thing. When will Obama make up his mind? When will he stop dithering? Pfffft. Who fucking cares?

Obama is taking his time on a strategy, good for him.

It is almost winter in Afghanistan and there isn’t going to be a whole helluva lot going on for a few months. Maybe his options suck because they all have us staying in Afghanistan for several years.

I say we buy up the poppy fields. Employ the Afghans to cultivate and harvest them and sell the crop to the pharmaceutical companies so they can produce all of the medicinal opiates that they need.

We take our cut, and the rest of the money can be used to build infrastructure, schools, and housing. On top of that, the unemployment rate in Afghanistan would be like 4%. That’s how you make people happy.

See? Unlike other talking heads…I have just defined victory in Afghanistan. Happy Afghans.

And please network talking heads…Quit saying that Obama, in order to decide our strategy, has convened his “war council”.

War Council? WTF?

Are we living in 14th Century England and Obama is King Edward III discussing plans for the Battle of Crécy?

Just…Stop…It…

Anyhoo. Thanksgiving will offer me the opportunity to eat, drink, and watch TV that will be devoid of all of this blathering for nearly four full days.

I am very much looking forward to all of the coverage of football, sappy family stories, and video of early morning shoppers storming the stores for Christmas bargains.

For that, I am truly thankful.

Cheers!!