This past week, the state of California began recognizing “gay marriage” in the eyes of the law.Broods of smartly dressed gay couples flooded the courthouses throughout the state in order to sign their marriage licenses and become one.
Even Star Trek veteran, George Takei joined in on the homo-nuptial nuttiness and wed his partner.
Religious groups everywhere are wailing, moaning, and gnashing their teeth.
I too, feel a bit of disdain over this divisive issue. I mean…
Men marrying men, women marrying women…Protestants marrying Catholics…
Where does the madness end? Well, let me tell ya.
Take off your wedding band, and put your phaser back into your pants, Mr. Sulu, because…
If elected President, the madness ends with me. I will make sure that there is no recognition of “gay marriage”.
In fact, my fellow Bagwine Heads, I will make sure that there is no recognition of marriage, period!!
That’s right. Hetero, homo, Mormon, or NAMBLA member…My government will initiate a prohibition on matrimony.
Instead, this land will only recognize, “Matt-Tri-Money”.
If a couple want to live together, be they Mr. and Miss Smith, Mr. and Mr. Sugarbritches, or Carla and Rosie that’s fine, but…
They must first sign a paper of Matt-Tri-Money stating that if they ever split, each person only takes with them what they had when they entered the contract.
Any and all assets accrued by said couple during the relationship, upon separation, will become the property of the Federal government.
I think more couples would enter a marriage type contract more carefully, and those who do enter this contract, would be more inclined to stay together and enjoy the wealth that they have built.
Thus, I am strengthening the nuclear family, while decreasing the divorce rate. I’m cool that way.
What will I do with the seized assets? The money will be used to take care of any children involved.
If there are excess funds, they will be used to provide free Norplant birth control and vasectomies.
After all, as evidenced by the Spears’ sisters, we have far too many dumb asses spittin' out kids. I will reduce that as well. Yet another social problem solved by the Matt-Man.
People really should vote for me…I’m a fucking genius.
See ya tomorrow…
Cheers!!
