This past week, the state of California began recognizing “gay marriage” in the eyes of the law.Broods of smartly dressed gay couples flooded the courthouses throughout the state in order to sign their marriage licenses and become one.
Even Star Trek veteran, George Takei joined in on the homo-nuptial nuttiness and wed his partner.
Religious groups everywhere are wailing, moaning, and gnashing their teeth.
I too, feel a bit of disdain over this divisive issue. I mean…
Men marrying men, women marrying women…Protestants marrying Catholics…
Where does the madness end? Well, let me tell ya.
Take off your wedding band, and put your phaser back into your pants, Mr. Sulu, because…
If elected President, the madness ends with me. I will make sure that there is no recognition of “gay marriage”.
In fact, my fellow Bagwine Heads, I will make sure that there is no recognition of marriage, period!!
That’s right. Hetero, homo, Mormon, or NAMBLA member…My government will initiate a prohibition on matrimony.
Instead, this land will only recognize, “Matt-Tri-Money”.
If a couple want to live together, be they Mr. and Miss Smith, Mr. and Mr. Sugarbritches, or Carla and Rosie that’s fine, but…
They must first sign a paper of Matt-Tri-Money stating that if they ever split, each person only takes with them what they had when they entered the contract.
Any and all assets accrued by said couple during the relationship, upon separation, will become the property of the Federal government.
I think more couples would enter a marriage type contract more carefully, and those who do enter this contract, would be more inclined to stay together and enjoy the wealth that they have built.
Thus, I am strengthening the nuclear family, while decreasing the divorce rate. I’m cool that way.
What will I do with the seized assets? The money will be used to take care of any children involved.
If there are excess funds, they will be used to provide free Norplant birth control and vasectomies.
After all, as evidenced by the Spears’ sisters, we have far too many dumb asses spittin' out kids. I will reduce that as well. Yet another social problem solved by the Matt-Man.
People really should vote for me…I’m a fucking genius.
See ya tomorrow…
Cheers!!
57 comments:
Instead, this land will only recognize, “Matt-Tri-Money”.
Now this is a platform worth supporting, but here's my question ...
Is "Matt-Tri-Money" limited to just couples, or can I have a husband AND a wife?? Just askin' ...
I'm still wondering who you're going camping with though, and with the mention of Mr. Sulu ... well ...
Yes gay marriage is now legal in California and the other day, a lesbian couple who are 83 and 87 years old got married. Witnesses are describing the ceremony as beautiful and the honeymoon as horrifying. Interesting platform there Matty me boy....
Dana: You can have a husband, a wife, three dogs, and a bandicoot if you'd like. The rules would still apply...
The camping announcement will be Monday. I know, you can't contain yourself, can ya? Cheers Dana!!
I'd love to have a hand in those vasectomies.
Cheesy: Ha. Man, this past week...All y'all have been so damn funny. Cheers!!
Dianne: Unless I should take that comment as cruel intent, I would love to have you perform mine personally. Rowwwr. Cheers Di!!
Speaking of dumb-asses spitting out kids, how about up in Glochester,MA High School young girls having babies just for fun! A whole gaggle of them. WTF
Micky: WTF is right. Where in the hell do these people come from? Cheers Mick!!
^^^^
That was one of our news headlines this morning. 17 girls under 16 from the same school all pregnant! Those shocking Americans. LMAO... Well it covered up the news that the number of teenage abortions increased dramatically over here.
Cake: Hail Britannia!! Across the pond, we prefer that the kids have their kids, so we can support them thru taxes.
America, Land of the Free, and Home of the lack of Common Sense. Cheers Cake!!
Holy shit! You ARE a fucking genius. I might actually consider Matt-tri-mony but marriage, no way. At the first mention of Matt-tri-mony I was thinking threeway.
Where do I get my VOTE MATT-MAN tank top? Prefferably in white so I can copy Dana and wear it wet. Yes, I did mean wet in two ways.
Altho gay marriage became legal in California,there is still no word on whether Simon Cowell can marry himself~~
Knight: It's a gift. The Prez shirts are in the works. And let me tell ya, win or lose...if I saw a picture of you in a wet Matt-Man shirt. I would consider myself a winner. Cheers Knight!!
Cheesy: Ha. You are on a roll. Can I roll with ya? Cheers Cheesy!!
I was first thinking on the "tri" in Matt-tri-money too....
Divorce-tax....that could work...it's just about the only thing we don't tax all ready.
I wonder what will happen in November with the California marriage law....
Kat: Divorce is typically the result of a bad decision...Why not tax all of the bad decisions we all make? We'd have one huge govt. surplus!!
You better than I know what will happen in the CA. marriage vote this fall. Cheers Kat!!
Matt, Matt, Matt, I am going to pay for someone to assassinate you if you make into office. I am a divorce lawyer, dude! You just publicly stated you want to take away my ability to earn a living.
Either give me the VP nod or you are going down, Buddy!
Karen: Karen, Karen, Karen...This is also a jobs creation plan. I will have to set up a new agency to administer this.
And you, my bodacious barrister, will be the first, Head of the Office of Matt-Tri-Money. How's That?
Cheers Karen!!
You seriously need to appoint me "Head Vasecto-mizer"!! Purty Puh-lease!!
You have no idea how much fun I'd have with that!
MUWAHAHA!
Leighann: It's yours, but only if you harm the evil only, and keep the lawsuits to a minimum. Cheers!!
I'll say it again...You have my vote! Seriously, you should start a write-in campaign in Bloggerland and it would spread like wildfire! These ideas are genius!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want a t-shirt too!
Apple: Why thank ya dear. The shirts will be on sale by July 4th. It's Independence Day, Baby!! Cheers Apple!!
There's nothing like the bitterness of a divorce to make people see what a crock marriage really is. LOL
The only way I could ever possibly get married would be if there was a really good pre-nup. Or if Giada de Laurentiis asked me to marry her I would. But, not Rachael Ray. No matter how much she makes.
Jay: Ha...The only redeeming thing about being married to RR is that the sex would always be fresh and exciting.
I mean, everytime she got nekkid, you would discover a new part of her ass. Yeah, that was rude. Cheers!!
Friggin' Brilliant: That's what you are.
I remember Ed Abbey having an idea along those lines years ago. It was something like; give a free Mustang (that would be the car not the horse - although I think the horse would get results, as well), to every teen girl who voluntarily got her tubes tied. I thought that was brilliant, too.
I think you should add a *special* tax for everyone who gets married by an Elvis impersonator in 'Vegas.
Desert Rat: HA. Very Good. The Elvis thing is a brilliant touch. Cheers Rat!!
I saw 'tri' I thought threeway all the way ;-)
Every time the government fucks with social issues it's a lawyer's full employment plan.
George is the subject of my next Thursday Thirteen courtesy of my warped father ;)
And I think marriage is an outdated institution good only for survivor rights and tax breaks.
TB: Of course it is...I have been put on this Earth to help out your bank account. Cheers Sexy!!
Starr: And dammit, I am looking to put that outdated institution out of business. Although, I'd still marry you. ; )~ Cheers Starr!!
Marrying Starr? Wouldn't that be incestuous? Or is that the ultimate in masturbation? I can't figure that one out.
Your platform is sheer genius. I expected no less from you, naturally.
Oh, and the Matt-tri-mony? Is that like trysexual? ("I'll try anything."
Songbird: Of course it's incestuous, but I am an Applachian kinda guy at heart.
Thank you, and yes, we all need to experience the buffet of life. Cheers Dear!!
Leighann wants my job!! I asked first BUT - I have no problem sharing with her.
She can even be in charge - she's good that way.
I find this further proof that she is indeed the daughter I didn't know I had.
Will Turkey basters be the wedding gift of choice?
Dianne: After I typed that, I had a thought...
You guys can take turns, either way, both of you will still be paid 500K a year...That's more than I would make!! Cheers Di!!
Bond: In your fantasies....yes. Cheers!!
That doesn't strike me as a terrible idea at all, actually... Hmm.
Motley: Ha. Oddly enough, I didn't think so either. Tell your thigh I said, "Hi". Cheers!!
the gays are always smartly dressed. it's part of their homo-tastic appeal
Jeezly Crow Matt. This was brilliant. You are so right - let's take care of the kiddos. I really could care less what happens behind the closed doors of a bedroom, or who is paying bills and taxes with whom. But the kids.... I really do care about the kids.
Love You for this Post, done in that fine Matt-Man Style.
Well, Matt Man, not all religious groups are bemoaning gay marriage. We of the United Church of Christ aren’t—well, at least not the majority of us and those congregations we are homophobic have left the denomination over the past few years since our General Synod resolution calling for the repeal of all laws against same-sex marriage.
As for your position and proposed “Matt-Tri-Money,” all I can say is “pfffffffffffft” knowing, of course, that you’re as serious about it as is Sarah Silverman is when she sings that she fucking Matt Damon. (She isn’t, is she?)
I don't think Obama or McCain stand a chance with you on the ticket. At least they shouldn't.
Tequila: Ha...Yes it is. Cheers!!
Jen: Why thank ya. Just a little common sense is all that it takes to lead this great nation of ours. Cheers Jen!!
Nick: I know that, but in order to keep my posts under 500 words I sometimes need to generalize. I think my idea is awesome, sir. Cheers Nick!!
Jeff: You my friend, are a wise, wise man. Cheers, Jeff!!
Let's see...I'm not ever getting married, so I'm completely free from the divorce tax.
**blink**
Genius! I'll finally be in the group that actually gets a tax break! Wooooo!!
Vote for Matt!
Travis: You too, much like Jeff, seem to be wise beyond your years Trav. Cheers my good man!!
OH HELL YES! I support you in this issue but what is your opinion on gun control?
Trukin': Although I would never own one myself, I am a firm believer in any mentally stable person's right to own one. Cheers Dawg!!
Matty: I love a man who takes his cues from Jonathan Swift! A well reasoned argument, and a practical solution.
You have just secured my vote!
Long live President Matt Man!
My heavily armed bodyguarding services are at your service Mr. President.
Boo: Oh man, I love you. Im a huge fan of Mr. Swift. I thank you. Cheers!!
Trukin': Thanks, and thanks for stopping by. I really need to swing by your site more often...And I will. Cheers Dawg!!
I just found out Sulu is one of THEM a few months ago! I have no gaydar! I can't watch Star Trek again! EEEEWE!!!
I lived with my handyman for 6 years before we got hitched. Not sure why? Nothing changed except I got his name.. He wouldn't take mine. Whats with that??
Michelle: Ha. You're funny. I must make a note to stop by. Cheers, and live long and prosper!!
That's because you have good taste, my friend. ;0)
Boo: Yes I do...Wanna taste me? Cheers Boo!!
That is a great idea. You are a genius.
Marilyn: Why thanks, I thought long and hard about it. Okay, only about five minutes, but what the hell. Cheers!!
Your idea is genius!
I was thinking of eliminating the federal muddling in people's marital lives all together. Marriage is about two people who like to bump uglies and share the light bill. Why would uncle sam care who does it?
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